Do you think the Dr's grieve/blame themselves at all?

lgmom2010

Do you think our Dr's grieve or blame themselves at all after a m/c? Maybe they feel like they failed us or feel horrible that they couldn't help us? Or do you think they see it everyday so it isn't that big of a deal for them and there was nothing they could've done differently.

Mare15

First off, I apologize if I say the wrong thing here.  I seem to do that a lot, but these are just my rambling thoughts on the matter.   

Just imho, I would think, given what the statistics are, that they see it often enough to know that it is no ones fault, their included.  Also, since they know the science and medical fact behind the causes of a majority of m/cs, I think they do find strength knowing there is nothing anyone could do. If the baby is missing or has too many chromosomes or whatever they're called, there is nothing anyone could have done.  My DH has a strong science background and I know knowledge has helped him out some. 

I think they would also see it enough to be able to be sad without needing to grieve over each loss. 

That being said, my doctor was sad when he broke the news to me.  We had seen him 2 times before that and even my DH commented that his body language was completely different and he had several "tells" that said he was very upset when he had to break the news to us.  So while I would guess that they don't take the news as hard as we do (they wouldn't be able to function if they did, I'd think) I do still think they care and are sad for us. 

xokell2

I think they get desensitized, we all do in healthcare. My physician genuinely was sad for me though the one who broke the news in the ER and my OB

Michi2325

My Dr has been my Dr for about 16years now, I can say he was generally upset and frustrated that this happened, he even question his last internal he did and that everything felt fine, even ahead of schedule.  When I saw him yesterday he wouldnt even tell me for sure the baby was gone, I think HE was still holding out hope.  He actually said, until I see that your numbers have dropped, Im still considering this not over.  I have my numbers done today, but we believe the sac was passed last night.

littlemaybaby

I think desensitized is definitely the right word.  I'll spare my story of my how doctor handled my 4th loss, but it was basically like no big deal.  I mean she was compassionate and understanding, but was also trying to convey her mindset of "better-off-next-time."  And for that, I may never go back to them.  I don't know that another doctor would have handled it differently, but it was a rough experience for me with them.  After my 1st loss I thought they were wonderful - they said and did all the right things.  Now, after my 4th loss, I've watched the exact same song and dance done every.single.time.  It feels almost scripted at this point - and IMHO, what you say to someone after their 4th loss should maybe be a little different than what you say after their first loss.  But they see so many losses, I think they do just get desensitized and go through the motions. 

(Sorry, a lot of that was my own vent I needed to get out.)

 

AdaraMarie

I think they are desensitized.  I also think, especially with early losses, there is no way they could blame themselves.  The first time I saw the OB was when she told me the pregnancy was most likely not viable.  How could she blame herself for that?

Ladiebug710

I work in OB and it is always horrible news to give.  Sometimes I can't help but cry myself right along with the paitent.  Seeing it all the time actually doesn't make it any easier, in fact sometimes I feel like I see so many times that it wears me down.

A2010B

I think it depends on the doctor/nurse. Some probably have so much empathy that they carry around all of their patients' sadness and grief and find it unbearable sometimes.

Others probably just put up a wall or some other coping mechanism and chalk it up to "that's just the way it is." Not to say that these doctors don't care, but they are able to easily function and continue to operate (I think some people are either born with this and/or learn it, as how else could some folks pursue careers treating cancer, for example - or hospice).

I think most of the time there is a human element involved - hard to not have your heart hurt when someone else's does. But if they broke down with us it would probably not make it any easier - someone has to be the stoic, logical one to devise next steps and keep a clear mind. 

Naga

I think every doctor is different, I know my doctor and my nurse was genuinely felt awful knowing that I had m/c she even said that she will pray that I will get BFP pretty soon. My nurse almost cried hearing me having mc. But at the same time I think they get this all the time  so they got so immune that they just either kept silent or comforting themselves too that mc happens.

I always love my doctor and would definitely come back to her, well technically she is not my ob but my family doctor, she shared practice with an OB that I havent seen yet due to my early mc. 

JessMike07

littlemaybaby:

I think desensitized is definitely the right word.  I'll spare my story of my how doctor handled my 4th loss, but it was basically like no big deal.  I mean she was compassionate and understanding, but was also trying to convey her mindset of "better-off-next-time."  And for that, I may never go back to them.  I don't know that another doctor would have handled it differently, but it was a rough experience for me with them.  After my 1st loss I thought they were wonderful - they said and did all the right things.  Now, after my 4th loss, I've watched the exact same song and dance done every.single.time.  It feels almost scripted at this point - and IMHO, what you say to someone after their 4th loss should maybe be a little different than what you say after their first loss.  But they see so many losses, I think they do just get desensitized and go through the motions. 

(Sorry, a lot of that was my own vent I needed to get out.)

 

Ditto

I won't sugar coat this....No I believe 90% of them leave their job at work and it does not bother them. I'm a firm believer actions speak louder than words and when you get the same song and dance w/ no answers and no willingness to think outside of the box, they just accept it.

sweetface83

I think it definitely depends on the doctor.  The doctor who made the inital diagnosis that our baby didn't have a hb was actually tearing up.  The 2nd doctor who came in to help confirm it was so cold.  She looked at the machine and was like "yeah I don't see anything."  Then turned and walked out.  It was as if she didn't even notice I was there.  The doctor who did my D&E procedure was really sweet.  He wasn't emotional, but he had excellent bedside manner and was really making a sincere effort to help comfort me and answer my questions.

mommyofmiles

I love love love my doctor. I have only known her a few years, but she was the one who delivered my son. She cried when she had to tell me that the ultrasound showed an ectopic. She was saying things like " I am so so sorry, I can not believe I have to deliver this news, I don't know why you have to go through this, it isn't fair" etc . She was very sensitive to it all.

lgmom2010

yeah I believe it depends on the dr too....the drs and nurses in the er seemed like they were trying to be sensitive, but I was hysterical, so I think it was hard for them to deal with me, but they all had this 'look' on their faces....and then my ob cried on the phone with me and said things like mommyofmiles's ob did....and all the nurse practitioners/nurses/drs I've encountered during/after have been super sweet