Pregnant again (a surprise) and super anxious/feeling guilty (kinda long)

So I just got back from my OB who confirmed that I am, in fact, pregnant -- further along than I thought, actually -- 9 weeks and 3 days! DD was born in May with severe IUGR (born at 1 lb, 6 oz) and spent almost 4 months in the NICU. She's doing great now but DH and I hadn't even had a chance to have the conversation about whether we wanted to risk putting another baby through that or not. It took us 14 months to concieve our first, and we really haven't had sex much at all (and when we do we always use condoms, unless I have a pretty good idea we're out of the clear cycle-wise. Life has been super stressful the last few months -- my mom passed away suddenly a month after the baby came home from the hospital, and then we moved into a new house -- so my guess is that my cycle was just really off and we had an oops moment.

All that being said, I'm just a big ball of emotions right now. I was SO excited when I got pregnant the first time, and this time all I can think about is how guilty I feel for depriving DD of more time alone with me, and feeling really anxious about possibly going on bedrest or, heaven forbid, delivering early again and putting another baby through this. I know I have no one to blame but myself for letting this happen, and I really do want to get excited about this pregnancy. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice! I'll definitely be monitored by MFM and my OB even more closely this pregnancy (though last time I was watched pretty closely too -- pre-eclampsia and reverse diastolic flow just happened very quickly!)

I also have no desire to tell anyone our news until it's starting to become obvioius. I have a feeling we are going to get some raised eyebrows among family/friends. I know I will love this baby as much as anything, I guess I am just a little bit at a loss right now! I definitely think things would feel differently if DD had been full-term. We'd probably still be a little embarrased by our situation, but much more excited to head down this journey again.

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Re: Pregnant again (a surprise) and super anxious/feeling guilty (kinda long)

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    First, congratulations! I think the way you are feeling is totally normal after all you went through. I hope this pregnancy turns out much better than your first. I don't have any direct experience, but a NICU friend of mine ended up pregnant before her son was even released from the NICU. She had a 25 weeker who was IUGR and 1lb 1oz; pre-e/HELLP. Anyway her second was delivered at full term by scheduled c-section at a healthy 7 pounds! They are less than 1 year apart! ((hugs)) to you as you and your DH adjust to this news. You can do it!
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    First of all, Congratulations!!!!  When it comes time to tell people, just laugh and tell them dh can't keep his pants on.  On a serious note, my ds was a 24 weeker born Oct. 2, 2010.  I gave birth to dd on September 26, this year.  Yep!  Less than a year apart.  And TOTALLY unplanned.  They weren't sure why I went into preterm labor.  I was pregnant before ds left the nicu so I can totally relate.  It happens, don't be embarrassed.  

    I'd like to tell you that I really enjoyed my next pregnancy but it was stressful.  They found out I had an incompetent cervix and I had a cerclage placed.  I had p17 shots and also ended up with gestational diabetes (didn't have that the first time).  BUT, I delivered a healthy FULL TERM baby at 37 weeks.  It can be done, hang in there.  If you want to talk you can email me at  Sending good thoughts and prayers. 

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    First, Congrats!  While I know you are scared, but your baby is loved! 

    Second, don't be embarrassed.   You did nothing wrong. 

    Third, TONS of good vibes your way.  I know you are nervous, but you are in great hands!  

    Again, congrats!!!!

    Born at 31w3d due to severe IUGR & Placental Insufficiency--2lbs 3ounces

    We'll miss you sweet Debbie Girl (4.21.12) and sweet Cindy Girl (8.9.12)
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    Congrats on your pregnancy.  Every pregnancy, like every baby is unique.  A H&H 9 months to you!
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    Thanks, ladies! I woke up this morning and decided I really just need to stay positive -- that will be best for all of us. It also helped to hear from a couple of you guys who had second pregnancies that were full-term. It gives me hope!
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    congrats!!  I can only imagine the mixture of emotions you're feeling.  So many prayers as you begin another pregnancy with the underlying fear of having a preemie.  There are so many success stories and I hope they give you hope!
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