What do we call my dad's wife? - Page 2 — The Bump
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What do we call my dad's wife?


Re: What do we call my dad's wife?

  • I have the same problem! My dad just got remarried for the 3rd time.. My doughtier was a month old and my son was 21 months.. So i don't know what to call her! I am 25 so calling her step mom is not right to me.. So I call her by her first name.. So that's what my son calls her.. But my dad has been trying to get him to call her grandma! My kids have two grandmas and two grandpas.. We call my moms husband poppa out of respect for my dad but he REALY likes to push this grandma thing and I don't know what to do about it..
  • "Nana First Name"
    Mimaw First Name


    Your Dad is the Grandfather so he is correct to label Grandchild.

    This sounds like your hang up. Truthfully, your kids will come up with their own modes of address for people in their lives. You don't have a lot of control over that. It seems kind of petty to squabble over that title. Her being labeled Gram or Grandma First Name doesn't diminish anyone else's significance.

    The more grandparents the better IMHO. Your step mom might surprise you. I don't think you are being fair to her.

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  • My widowed FIL remarried and we call her Nana first name.
  • JoAnna914 said:

    image wintersnight20:
    We usually refer to step grandparents as Papa___ or Nana____. Honestly whether you like it or not your child will probably come up with their own name for their grandparents whether that be grandma or the ladies first name. Trust me, you can't force it down their throats what you want them to call someone because it doesn't work. We've been trying to get my SD to call me Kiki since she was 6 months old and she refuses- to her I'm "mommy" and it looks like no amount of debate is changing that. Guess it really depends on how often they see that person as well- she sees me 75%+ of her time.

    This in spades.  My niece, who is now 10, has called my father (her biological grandfather - no "steps" in our family) Pop-pop since the day she could speak.  Her little brother (almost 4 now) calls him Grampa.  My mother is Gramma for both of them and always has been.  So even with your biological parents, your kids could come up with their own cutesie names!

    I agree with this. No matter what you or the grandparents hope, the kid will call them whatever they end up making up.

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  • :lurker here:

    I am not close to my step mom at all. She and my dad hardly see my daughter. (Their choice) They see her biological grandchild multiple times a week. (They make the effort) so my daughter only calls her by her given name.

    DHs mom is Grandma and my mom is Nana. My daughter got in an argument with my step sisters daughter about what to call step mom. Her granddaughter calls her grandma but my daughter doesn't register her as that and refused to call her that.

    I would give your dads wife a chance to be in your daughters life. It will be awhile before your kid is talking. If they are around her enough they will pick up a name. (My daughter calls my dad coppa coppa. I have no idea why!) If she's not around you can let your daughter decide what she wants to call her.

    Sorry this is so long.
  • This is from November 2011 lol how do these threads get pulled back up
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  • It depends on your relationship with her and how comfortable you are with her having that title. Just do whatever you feel is right. 
  • As a step-mom myself, I think I would feel pretty hurt if I wasn't considered as a grandma. My girls/step-daughters are 10 and 15 right now and I sincerely hope we don't have to even think about that situation for a long time! I feel very maternal toward them and love them dearly. I can see if I was standoffish and wasn't the maternal type at all that the situation might be very different. They certainly don't call me mom, that is strictly reserved for their moms- which is as it should be. So, if one of them felt that they should reserve Grandma for their mother and MIL then I would understand. I would hope to have a special name (something grandma-ish) instead of just my first name, but again, they have the right to do what they feel is best for them and their little one(s). I would respect that decision. 

    Oh on a side note, the girls do have special names for my parents- Oma and Pop-pop. They go back and forth between calling them that and just using their first names, which is fine with everyone. My parents consider the girls their grandchildren (although, they do consider the little one I am carrying as their first grand baby- if that makes sense) and the girls are all for having another set of grandparents (more presents in their mind for special holidays). 

    I doubt you will be able to stop your father's wife from calling your little one her grandchild. If nothing else, your kiddo will have someone else who loves them, even if it isn't the way you would view love or the way your mom or MIL will love them. 
    The most important thing is to do what feels comfortable for you, your husband, and your little one. 
    Good luck! That sounds like a tough situation. 
  • utlawgirlutlawgirl
    Ninth Anniversary 250 Answers 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2013
    Same situation here (parents divorced when I was in my 20s, dad remarried, don't consider his wife my "stepmom"). DD calls her by her first name, which is my preference. She's not the grandma. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

    ETA: Oops! Just saw this is an old thread.
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  • DH's stepmom came up with the cute name of Honey. His dad is Pops so it works out really cute. She treats DD like her own grand baby. It's not a grandma title but still a cute title that's appropriate.
  • We said Papa & Judy or Grandma & Jim. First name worked for us. It doesnt really matter until the baby can talk around age 1 1/2 & you will be the one regulating what your children call them. I wouldn't worry about it to much now. Especially if they may move out of state.

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  • My paternal grandparents divorced and got new partners. We called grandad's wife grandma Rosemary and Nanna's manfriend Uncle Kevin.


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  • I love my step-mom and she’s great, but out of respect for my mom, my child will call her by her name.  I don’t think she’ll have an issue with it; she’s respectful about my mom and her place in the family.

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