It's been one week today

MidwestIrishBridea

Today marks exactly one week since I felt my baby slip away and had to say goodbye. Today is a bit more rough than some of the other days.  It's still very new and fresh and it's frustrating when my mother keeps urging me to move forward and move on and telling me that joy will come again.  I understand that.  But hearing it over and over from the same person tends to bring up more pain than healing.  I'm fully aware of the need to start moving forward, but after only a week?  I need a bit more time. 

I'm trying so hard to be gracious towards people because I know they mean well.  I'm grateful for their love and concern.  It's just difficult to internalize when you're still in a dark place.

Ladiebug710

I am so sorry.  It was very hard for me to deal with my mother as well.  Her response when I told her about the loss was that she was sad, but that "it" happens to a lot of people.  Just not her of course becuase she got pregnant the first month she tried each time and her pregnancies were fine.  What a lovely comment from the person that is supposed to support me the most.

One week is not enough, for me one month was not enough.  Several months later I am still sad nearly every day, but the feelings stay for a shorter an shorter time each time I have them.  There is no set time frame, it is different for everyone.  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

A2010B

This whole situation is such a test of operating with grace, huh? I am with you - people don't mean harm, and they don't mean to be upsetting. They think that because they tell you it's common, happens to a lot of people, it will be better that they are helping.

It's so odd to me the things that people choose to say. If someone shared a cancer diagnosis, no one would ever say "it happens to a lot of people, you will be fine" - just because something is common doesn't make it less painful. And telling people to move on or move forward is not helpful when they are not ready.

I am lucky (I guess) that my mom had 4 miscarriages and has been so empathetic, explaining exactly what to expect physically and emotionally -- so that has been nice, but the few friends I have that know are not being helpful really. I don't think they know what to say, so they say they're sorry but they don't proactively ask "how are you feeling/doing?" Like the things that would start a conversation about it and make you feel comfortable sharing.

It is hard when people mean well but you're not mentally or emotionally ready to accept whatever form of "support" they are offering. 

Naga

I'm so sorry that your mom keep telling you to move on, there is no one in this world that can ever tell you when to move on and  how to move on. I know she probably meant well, but one week is not enough not even a year, 10 years, or 100 years from now. Just grieve to whatever you needed to be. I'm sure you will find your momentum and when that day comes you will find your own happiness again. Hugs/....

Michi2325

I hadnt told me Mom we were even pregnant.  I called her last night to tell her that I had miscarried and she said, "I thought ....insert FH name here...didnt want kids"?  WTF???  Not that it even matters but it was me that was more hesitant to adding to our family because of my age and the ages of our existing children.  But even if that was the case, why would she say that at that time???  Some people should just 'listen' and be supportive that way kwim?

RedRose84

You take all the time you need...I still find moments that I'm not totally out of the dark.  **Hugs**