Am I the only one? (VERY sensitive mc topic)

MidwestIrishBridea

I buried my child. 

I don't know if many other people do that, especially when you miscarry in the first trimester. But a close friend of mine miscarried a few years ago, and she told me that's the one thing she regretted -- not burying her baby.

I named my baby, Toviel Rain, and we buried him with a pair of newborn socks I had bought for his birth in a garden urn. I plan on planting chrysanthemums in the garden urn in the spring.

Am I the only one who has done this? Does this mean I was TOO attached to my unborn baby?  

A2010B

I think it's beautiful. I don't feel compelled to do so, but I think it's really very neat. I think it's mostly because we rent and therefore it feels odd to bury a baby here, but I do want to plant a tree one day. I don't think there's any such thing as "too attached" 

Curious, though - how did you decide on boy? I am convinced we lost a girl, as sure as sure can be. Of course I can never really know, but I am literally positive. Is mother's intuition that strong I wonder? 

RedRose84

I did not do this, I had a D&C, but I don't think that means you were too attached.  I think that was lovely what you did.  I have a little memorial I set up and saved all the ultra sound pictures (though I haven't looked at them since the m/c), but hope to frame them one day.  **Hugs**

MidwestIrishBridea

Ah. Well, you may think I'm strange. But I'm a Christian and very spiritualistic. I rely on intuition and faith much more than logic and science. That's how I've been since I was a small child. A bit of a hippie Christian, I guess. 

And... I just knew. I knew from the moment I learned I was pregnant. And my partner felt he knew too. And after I lost my baby, I felt that God told me in a dream that my son was safe in heaven now. So, I have no scientific proof. But the leanings of my heart tell me he was a boy.  

wed2be

I think it is very beautiful. I had a d&c and the thought never even occurred to me, nor would they probably even have given me the remains since it is considered "bio haz", but I can see the benefit of burying as it does provide some closure.

I totally felt girl from the moment I found out, I am still thinking about a name, but hope to have one for her soon. And BTW, I don't think you are "too attached", I just think everyone deals with things differently, and unfortunately don't know how we will feel until it happens.

bobbydsgirl

We buried our baby. Being able to do this was one of the main reasons I chose to m/c naturally at home.

We buried our baby (who I think was a girl) at a large nature park that has some personal significance for us.

We didn't bury her at our house because we don't think that we will always live in our current home and we wanted to be able to visit her when we wanted.

I think your idea is beautiful to use a movable urn and to plant flowers in it. It is the perfect way for you to memorialize your baby.

tryingagain36

I think it was lovely that you did that.  I had a very early miscarriage and therefore it was not collectable but I felt like a monster for having to "flush" my precious baby away.  I realize it was the only thing I could do but it was very hard for me.  I became attatched as soon as I saw that second pink line.  Wishing you healing!

alaskabride2be

I don't think it is wierd at all. When I worked at an OBGYN office we had patients who would request the remains be turned over to a funeral home when they had to have a D&C so they could have it cremated. 

A2010B

MidwestIrishBride:

Ah. Well, you may think I'm strange. But I'm a Christian and very spiritualistic. I rely on intuition and faith much more than logic and science. That's how I've been since I was a small child. A bit of a hippie Christian, I guess. 

And... I just knew. I knew from the moment I learned I was pregnant. And my partner felt he knew too. And after I lost my baby, I felt that God told me in a dream that my son was safe in heaven now. So, I have no scientific proof. But the leanings of my heart tell me he was a boy.  

You know, sometimes we don't need science. It's odd (and I just shared this with my husband last night), but we always had our girl's name. Always. It was to be used for our first girl. So, we had settled on that and had 0 boys names. But this entire pregnancy I just could not visualize that girl's name here on Earth with my son. All of a sudden, it just didn't feel or sound right. But I was scared to speak up and say "actually, no, let's not use that name I've planned to use since I was a little girl" - but I think it was because in my heart I knew that baby was meant for heaven. I think sometimes our subconscious / spiritual side is way better than we give it credit for. 

KJohnson826

I think it is beautiful, and I don't think there is such a thing as too attached. I had a D&C and opted for the chromosome analysis, so I didn't have the option to bury my baby. I made a memory box, and put my pregnancy journal, ultrasound photos, my favorite maternity sweater, and some other things in a box. I want to write a letter to my baby so our box isn't complete yet, nor do we have the results of the chromosome test back, which we are hoping will tell us the gender, but I think it was a girl. I'm hoping to complete it in the coming weeks.  (((hugs)))

Que*Syrah

tryingagain36:

I think it was lovely that you did that.  I had a very early miscarriage and therefore it was not collectable but I felt like a monster for having to "flush" my precious baby away.  I realize it was the only thing I could do but it was very hard for me.  I became attatched as soon as I saw that second pink line.  Wishing you healing!

I felt the same way. 

HopingforChange

I also buried my baby in a moveable garden container.  DH and I did not know what else to do as the funeral home here was not very receptive to our inquiries about cremation and we were far enough along (8wks) that she looked like a baby and we just couldn't "dispose" of her since we had the option.  I passed the sac naturally, so I had to figure this out.  I understand that many women do not have any options, with early miscarriages and surgeries, so I am not judging other ways of dealing with remains, I am just saying that they were not right for me in this situation.  I had planned on having a D&C (and still did for residual tissue), so I was prepared to live with medical disposal, but I am now very grateful that my little bean is here with me.  Sometimes I just look at her area, which I have decorated with a cross, and try to find some peace. It helps.  In short, you are neither weird nor too attached.  There is no such thing as too attached, short of flat out psychosis.    I am sorry you had to make this decision at all.  I am sorry for your loss.  I hope your choice brings you peace.

luvinlifeMN

I think each one of us has our own way of getting some sort of closure.  I think it is beautiful that you named and buried your baby since that is what you needed to do.  I don't think you were TOO attached by any means.  <<HUGS>> to you.

My husband and I named our baby but I had a D&C so I didn't have the opprotunity to bury our baby and for me, I am okay with that. 

Naga

My DH burried ours in our backyard, I'm thinking of putting a cross ornament on top of it, I'm not sure it is our little shrimp that he burried but he was certain that he sees arms and legs and we also burried the sac together. Everything is a blur for me but I'm glad DH did it, I still cant see the burried place yet since its too hard for me. Hopefully I can get over it and kneel down to it and pray for her/him.

I too before I know I was having BFP. I have a dream that I'm holding a little girl and some strange old guy voice told me its my baby. A week later I took HPT and I was positive. A week before my natural m/c I had the same dream that telling me I dont have my baby anymore the same voice and same tone. Woke up and I was in denial, I rub my belly and tell it to stick with me. I had my bleeding a week after that. 

I dont think its strange at all, I think its a mother's instinct and sometime I think (it may sound crazy) its God talking to me. Not sure.... 

Ladiebug710

I think that is a beautiful way to say goodbye.  It is often hard to get others to acknowledge that the baby was a person, and by giving him a burial it validates that he was real.  Even if he was only given a short time on earth, he left his mark forever.

tamaramuzo

i had one natural miscarriage and a D&C , the from natural miscarriage i felt i could not flush my baby down , so i retrieved him , named  him angel , i still have him at home cause we are almost moving to our new home and i'm planning on burying him in our garden and plant a tree   

 

still have those depressive days................ 

Laurakat81

I don't think it means you are TOO attached.   I had a lot of issues with the fact that my babies were discarded in a lab somewhere after my D&Cs. If I hadn't needed to do D&Cs for testing I probably would have buried my babies too. (((hugs)))

Laurakat81

A2010B:

Is mother's intuition that strong I wonder? 

 

I think it is about 50% of the time.

I was certain I lost a girl with my first so we named her Hannah Elizabeth. I was 100% absolutely, positively certain. But we didn't have testing so I don't know. But I decided that in Heaven, kids don't get teased for their names so if I really had a boy it would be okay until I got to Heaven too to change it for him.

With our second I was again convinced we had a boy. This time testing showed us that our intuition was wrong and that we had another girl. We named her Audrey Elise.

With our third, I never had any gut feeling. DH really thought boy. But we picked the unisex name Sam.

irisheyednut

I think that is a very beautiful thing to do! I didn't have any remains to bury, but my husband and I did name the baby. We didn't have any names picked out because we wanted to meet the baby in person before naming it, but once we found out about the m/c, it didn't feel right to not name it then. We didn't know the gender, but we named the baby Hope. Its entirely possible that we have a little boy named Hope waiting on us up there, but you know, I just don't think he'll hold our choice of names against us when we finally meet him:)

Kenneylynn3

I think that is normal. I chose to wait and miscarry at home, because the thought has crossed my mind. I think we'll have to wait and see though. I don't think there is such a thing as being too attached. It's still your baby.