Sad day and vent

Petunia844

Today is a sh*t day, we all have them so I know I don't have to explain to you... I just woke up really sad and have been crying most of the time since I woke up.  I need these days, really sad days... I lost my son and sometimes I just have to cry, a lot.  Well it just so happens a social worker from the hospital just called- we are still waiting on the photos the photographer was supposed to take of Peyton.  We hadn't heard about them so I called yesterday to find out why we hadn't heard... now I'm super nervous because she called back but doesn't know where they are yet, she's looking into it more and will call me back... but now I'm super worried, those were the ONLY photos we would have of him.  

Aside from that though, she's asking me all about how I'm doing and could tell I was crying, so then she asked if I'd talked to my doctors about my depression and would I consider medication?  There is nothing wrong with talking to doctors or taking medication... there is also nothing wrong with crying after I lost my baby.  I was irritated that she is concerned that I am so upset.. of course I'm upset and I'm allowed to have really sh*tty days without getting the 3rd degree about how I'm doing.  So now I'm sad, irritated and super worried that we won't have any photos of our son. 

Auki13

I'm sorry you are having such an awful day!  (((HUGS)))  Some people just don't understand that the grief is completely natural and needs to occur in order to heal.  I hope you hear about your pictures soon, and I hope that you can have a better second half of your day.

erbarmywife

((HUGS)) I understand the thought of not having any pictures of your son.  When Ella died, my friend took some pics (on my phone) of me and the hubs holding her.  Something went wrong with my phone, and I lost ALL THE PICTURES!  I was stupid and didn't back them up, even though they were saved onto the memory card.  Luckily, though, I had sent 2 pics to my mom, and the NICU had taken 1 of her face, and 2 of her feet, so I have those.  

In regards to the meds, I understand that too.  I didn't want to go on meds, either, and had really sh*tty days too...until I told my hubs to kill me, I didn't want to live.  I told him I would rather be with the girls, then here.  And it scared me.  A lot.  Since I have 2 other kids, I knew that I needed more help than I was getting.  I'm not telling you this for sympathy, or to scare you.  I'm just saying, that I understand.  Make sure you are talking to people, since I think that is part of the reason it got so bad for me.  I wasn't talking.  Good Luck, and Major hugs for you!

butterfly843

(((hugs))) I'm sorry you are having such a tough day. I hope you get the pictures soon.

pb127

Sending many good thoughts that your pictures will be back ASAP. Keep us updated.

I had a social worker say pretty inappropriate things to me about needing to be  diagnosed with depression too a few months after my loss. I understand they're trying to help, but really, how inappropriate (Per my doctors, I do not suffer from depression; there is nothing wrong with diagnosis, but you shouldn't go handing it out like candy)!  I am sorry she went this route with you. You're so right- there is NOTHING WRONG with normal grief after losing our children.

Lots of (((hugs))) and good thoughts to you. You've had a really rough day!!

Petunia844

I'm so appreciative for this board...had I told that to anyone else they would probably say 'well she's right, HAVE you talked to your doctor?"  It's just nice you all understand.

pb127

addegeorge:

I'm so appreciative for this board...had I told that to anyone else they would probably say 'well she's right, HAVE you talked to your doctor?"  It's just nice you all understand.

That's why I love this board too.

I ended up needing meds for anxiety right after my loss (I wasn't able to function) and I just needed them for a little bit. All of my doctors who saw that I had the medication listed in my file have stressed to me the importance of not medicating away my feelings/grief. It's been nice to have that bit of reassurance to keep in mind as I grieve.

Petunia844

Little update, social worker called back...she's only gotten ahold of 1 of the 2 companies they use to take photos and they don't have them, SH*T... REALLY trying hard not to flip out.  How could they have f*cked this up?? How could no social worker there have any idea who took them, are you kidding?  She says she probably won't be able to talk to the other company until tomorrow morning.  Trying to prepare myself for them telling me they lost them or never took them...but I will be so angry, angry doesn't even feel like the right words.  We wouldn't have one single photo of our son if they don't find them.

starrkitten89

((((Hugs)))) I really hope they figure it out with your pictures,that is crazy!

And you absolutely have every right to have a shi!tty day.I have the opposite issue-if I have a day where I am ok,everyone thinks I'm full of it and tells me I'm faking or lying.If I'm upset,then everyone thinks I must be going off the deep end-it's really a no-win.I'm sorry you had to deal with that person:(

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