So, H is refusing therapy.
realisticdreams
member
H had mentioned therapy a couple of times over the last week, so when I finally looked into it, he said no. He basically said if a marriage needs therapy then it's already over. And that the therapist would probably be a woman, who would side with me on everything.
He also admitted he's resentful towards me because both of the girls medical issues are hard for him to handle. (slap in the face, thanks). They are hard for me to handle too, and I am home with them the majority of the time, and I'm the one who goes to their appointments.
He has even yelled/complained about them having TOO many appointments.
Sigh. I have no clue where this is going to go, but all I know is right now, it really sucks. His behavior in our relationship is so self-destructive. He's doing hateful things on purpose and acting like they shouldn't phase me. He hasn't cheated or anything, it's all verbal and his temper.
I really just want to say, FML & Happy Holidays to us. Bleh!
Re: So, H is refusing therapy.
Would he consider individual therapy first? I can only imagine that you both need someone to talk to after all the health related issues you've dealt with for your DC.
Was he like this before you had your children and were faced with all the health challenges? If so, I can see why you'd want to cut your losses. If not, I personally would want to know that I/we tried everything possible to save the marriage.
I can only imagine how parenting a special needs or ill child (let alone two young ones like you have) can put a serious strain on a marriage. Have you looked into any support groups? It can be extremely helpful just to be around other people who understand what you're going through. Good luck!
Yes & No. We had a rough rocky beginning but it always felt, "right." If that makes sense. He quit smoking in 2008 & he was way more normal. We literally would go months, like multiple months (6 or more) without fighting about anything. We couldn't get pregnant, and we didn't fight. All of my pregnancy problems, and we didn't fight. It wasn't until he started using nicotine again (IMO, anyway) that he has reverted to his old ways (practically bi-polar--hot/cold).
He just snaps over the stupidest thing, (Peyton didn't want to eat her jello, and he lost it..not on her but got mad in general. He had to go outside he got so mad, and slammed the door). He just gets mad so easily. I won't say I have the best temper, but NOTHING the girls do make me mad. When he does that, it puts me in a bad mood the rest of the day, and I have a hard time letting stuff go.
I talk to people who have similar diagnosis to the girls and I am doing OK with our situation. The future is scary and I hate that they have to go through what they do, but I am confident with the plan of care we have, for the most part, and I love them to death.
He hates where he lives, he hates his job, he hates the winter season (because he has to work a lot of mandatory OT at his job) he just isn't happy about anything. I really think he needs an anti-depressant or something.
I don't work FT (1 day every other week, so virtually nothing) because of all of their appointments, I can't afford anything on my own. I don't have parents, or family to help financially, I really have no clue what I would do if we decided to separate. It would be impossible to continue life how it is now, or remotely and do that.
Sigh.
He also said he didn't want to do individual therapy because A. he didn't want to do it and B. He didn't have time to do it.
Anyways, also, in reference to your blog, your daughter is amazing and I would love to email you about something related. Realisticdreams424 at hotmail dot com.
Thanks so much, again.