Attachment Parenting

Cart before horse question... 3rd Hand Smoke

I have not yet had my baby, but after reading a few posts down about 3rd hand smoke, I have begun to worry about my SIL. She is a smoker, and I certainly want to handle the situation of 3rd hand smoke diplomatically. I DON'T want to tell her that she cannot hold or interact with the baby, but I am fairly certain that if I tell her about 3rd hand smoke she will just spray herself and her car with something that smells okay... Obviously, in that situation the toxins will still be on her and in her car, etc.

This problem is slightly compounded because we don't have the BEST relationship, and I worry that she will think that anything I say about the smoking is just to criticize her.

What would you do? 

Re: Cart before horse question... 3rd Hand Smoke

  • Have DH talk to her.  OR if she's married to your brother then have him talk to her. 
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  • Good call. Thank you. I am not sure why I didn't think of that!


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  • I feel for you!  I have the same problem with MIL.  Both DH and FIL talked to her, but it hasn't gone well... it turned into WW3 with younger BIL and SIL b/c MIL vented to them about it and I got blamed for "making DH talk to her about it".  then we all sat down to talk about it and she agreed to wear a "smoking jacket" and wash her hands after (not that that is a perfect scenario, but it would be an improvement for us)- that lasted one or two times that we were over there and then she stopped doing even that.  on thanksgiving I caught her spraying herself with fabreeze after coming in from a smoke!

    ugh, it is so hard, but it is also so very important and you have to be strong and put your foot down.  it is much better to deal with it now than after LO gets here.

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  • My sister smokes.  I told her before baby was born and have had to remind her since, that she cannot smoke at my house (even outside) and when she is around the baby elsewhere, she has to have a t shirt she can change into after smoking and she has to wash her hands.  Basically if I smell smoke, you aren't holding her.  My grandma smokes too, but we only see her a couple times a year (she lives out of state).  We were just there and she went outside (which she does anyway), wore a jacket and then washed her hands.  I wasn't as spastic about her because it is not like she is around her all the time like my sister.  I don't care if people think I'm controlling, don't like my rules, don't see the baby.  Smoking around the baby (2nd and 3rd hand smoke) is not acceptable to me. 
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