"I need to pack my hospital bag"....

NYGirl02

said my MIL, referring to the bag she needs for herself!  Ummmm, no, actually YOU don't need a hospital bag....because as DH and I have explained.....no one else will be in the room with me during labor and delivery.  Also, we are not planning on having visitors until we get to the post partum room.  You will get to visit with your grandchild, but you are not staying for an extended time.  Chill lady. 

I'm a little nervous.  We have explained our wishes to her, but it does not seem like she is hearing them.  I'm glad she is excited, but she has a long history of boundary issues and I can already see it getting out of control!

Jennyanydots26

Easy solution. Just don't call her until the baby is born and you are ready for visitors.

MesmrEwe

Jennyanydots26:

Easy solution. Just don't call her until the baby is born and you are ready for visitors.

^^^  This!!!!

 

ChavayJakov

Are you sure she's thinking she'll be in the room with you?  I would imagine if she's planning to be in the waiting room through your labor that she'll still want to bring a book, something to do and maybe a change of clothing if things go long...she can use the bigger bathrooms there to change if need be.

I haven't preregistered yet...but my birth plan - which will be given to the hospital, too - includes who is and isn't allowed to be in my room during and immediately post birth. 

NYGirl02

MesmrEwe:

Jennyanydots26:

Easy solution. Just don't call her until the baby is born and you are ready for visitors.

^^^  This!!!!

 

I wish I could do this, but she would be so beyond unbelievably upset.  She will be calling constantly by that point anyway, and we can only ignore for so long.  I think that DH will take on the calling her and reiterating what we have said........and the nurses at the hospital are very good at keeping people out if we don't want them in there.

NYGirl02

chavayjakov:

Are you sure she's thinking she'll be in the room with you?  I would imagine if she's planning to be in the waiting room through your labor that she'll still want to bring a book, something to do and maybe a change of clothing if things go long...she can use the bigger bathrooms there to change if need be.

I haven't preregistered yet...but my birth plan - which will be given to the hospital, too - includes who is and isn't allowed to be in my room during and immediately post birth. 

She may be thinking of the waiting room......I can't really stop her from doing that, but I really hope she doesn't just park herself there......it could be a while!

Happily Overwhelmed

This would beyond stress me out! My MIL is pushy but hasn't brought this up but in the back of my mind she has it planned that she plans to be there A LOT and isn't telling us. I'm betting she's going to spring it on us because she knows she's not welcomed beyond reason.

I would really have to agree with the PP. Don't call her. Yes, it will upset her...but she's setting herself up for disappointment by not listening to you. She needs to respect your wishes. She's had her time to have her children. You NEED to have the experience you wish to have. Beyond this...if you let things slide early what else is she getting away with?

I HATE the idea of people waiting in the waiting room too. I know it's their option but knowing people are waiting on me drives me crazy. I'd feel rushed to push the "watermelon out the key hole" and rushed to get my share of bonding time in, etc. I HATE that.

I'd make it noted with nurses what is and isn't allowed and tell DH to explain your wishes one more time. If she doesn't want to listen then there's nothing you can do. And there's nothing you did wrong.

MesmrEwe

Happily Overwhelmed:

This would beyond stress me out! My MIL is pushy but hasn't brought this up but in the back of my mind she has it planned that she plans to be there A LOT and isn't telling us. I'm betting she's going to spring it on us because she knows she's not welcomed beyond reason.

I would really have to agree with the PP. Don't call her. Yes, it will upset her...but she's setting herself up for disappointment by not listening to you. She needs to respect your wishes. She's had her time to have her children. You NEED to have the experience you wish to have. Beyond this...if you let things slide early what else is she getting away with?

I HATE the idea of people waiting in the waiting room too. I know it's their option but knowing people are waiting on me drives me crazy. I'd feel rushed to push the "watermelon out the key hole" and rushed to get my share of bonding time in, etc. I HATE that.

I'd make it noted with nurses what is and isn't allowed and tell DH to explain your wishes one more time. If she doesn't want to listen then there's nothing you can do. And there's nothing you did wrong.

This is SO true!!  Hard as it is, you need to let her have her little temper tantrum in front of your bouncers (i.e. the nursing staff) and let it be.  You already stated that she's got some major boundary issues, let her be "beyond upset" because if it's not this then it's going to be the next thing in your child's life..  You aren't saying that she doesn't get to meet her new grandbaby until they're months old, you're asking for a couple hours to yourselves to bond with your BABY!  Chances are when she had your DH she had that time to herself before everyone showed up at the hospital, remind her of that and reconfirm that only you and DH are allowed in the room when you're delivering and that even DH is optional if push comes to shove!

Daniem0828

If it makes you feel better we have specifically told my mother a few things that she has completely ignored lol. We told her we were buying the crib mattress then 2 minutes later she says "so let me know what day you want to go out & buy the crib mattress (since she thought she was buying it) we ignored her comment & bought it the next weekend so she wouldnt try to pick it out & drop it off. She was mad & tried to give me the money we paid for it but i wouldnt let her. 

We told her to stop buying stuff for the baby a month before because every time she came over she had a bag of clothes or toys. i understand shes excited but listen to us lol. We said every time you have an urge to buy something for her make a deposit into her bank account for college & she laughed at us... 

Im scared of what will happen at the hospital as i have said i dont want a roomful of people just me, DH & hospital staff (she got around it with my sister since she worked in the hospital she delivered in but im going somewhere else)

sarakiefer

I can definitely relate to this.  My immediate family is pretty big and of course everyone plans on being there.  When I said no one will be in the room while I'm delivering, except DH, everyone questioned me.  My family isn't private at all.  My mom had like 20 people in the room when she had me and my sisters.  But that isn't what I want.  This is our time to bond as a family.  Everyone is so ridiculously excited that if I were to wait until after I had the baby to call anyone, they would be absolutely devastated.  I'm not going to punish my family because they want to be apart.  They are just going to have to deal with my wishes, whether they agree with them or not.  The staff isn't going to let them in until you say it's ok anyway.  And no one even has to know when LO is actually here until you are ready to tell them.  When you are ready for visitors, then have DH go to the waiting room and give them the news.

Good luck.  This situation has been something on my mind too.  But I would never not let them know we were going to the hospital, especially my parents (who will of course tell everyone else).  To me, that's just mean.