Babies: 3 - 6 Months

smokers and baby ?

If you aren't letting people who smoke hold your LO, how are you telling them?

If you are letting people who smoke hold your LO, are you having them do anything, and how are you planning on asking them?

We are going to Thanksgiving and some of the family there smoke--outside, but I'm more concerned about the 3rd hand smoke on their clothing, body, etc... DS is waaaaaay pre-disposed to being asthmatic and we really don't want to take any extra risks that may increase his chances, but I don't want to come off as the b*tch who won't share the baby... This is mainly DH's family, if it makes any difference in who should be asking them to do what... TIA!

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Re: smokers and baby ?

  • my dad is a smoker, he doesn't smoke inside and I don't ask him to do anything. he used to be an inside smoker but when my oldest sister had her baby she got him to go outside and now 5 grandkids in I just kind of follow their lead, they don't ask him to wash his hands or anything. Its not an everday thing so I don't really worry about it
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  • Your baby, your rules ESPECIALLY w/ smokers.  Personally I wouldn't worry about being the b*tch who won't share the baby in this situation.  "Please wash, sanitize your hands & change your shirt or put something over the one your wearing if you'd like to hold my baby"  For me? Simple as that
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  • My MIL and FIL both smoke like chimney's, in their house. It stinks so bad I can't even describe it. When DD was first born, we took her over there, and they went into their bedroom to smoke, bc apparently it creates a barrier!! Angry I haven't taken her there since, bc they are so set in their ways that they refuse to smoke outside. Also, his mom has the whole "I smoked with ALL of my pregnancies and they're fine" argument, even though my DH has asthma and allergies. DUH!!! My dad and older sister also smoke, but outside when we visit which I totally appreciate. They also know to wash their hands before holding DD. Now, I feel like a hypocrite bc I smoked for 10 years and quit when we started trying for DD (1 month before conceiving). However, I would never smoke around a child, and I always washed my hands before holding one. Also, I knew I stunk so I didn't hold it against any mother that wasn't comfortable with me holding their LO, which I expect in return now. I don't think it's too much for you to ask to have a smoker wash their hands. Ideally, they would change their clothes too, but that's probably not possible lol GL!!!
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  • I am in no way saying that this is as bad of a situation, but my MIL wears a horrendous perfume, and tons of it.  Literally, she can come in the side door and go directly to our back family room and I can smell her perfume all the way upstairs.  It gets all over the kids' clothes, swaddle blankets, etc. and then I have to strip everyone and do laundry when she leaves.

    DH was extremely blunt with her (maybe too much so).  He told her that her perfume is overwhelming and transfers to the babies, so he does not want her wearing it when she comes over.  She was OK for a couple of visits, then attempted a couple of times to come over with her perfume on.  DH asked her to put on one of his t-shirts before holding the babies.  She got huffy and DH said she was welcome to stay to visit, but not hold and cuddle them.  She got huffier and left.

    She hasn't come back with perfume on.  My point is...your baby, your rules.  DH communicates things like this to his side of the family, I would communicate it to mine (but nothing similar has come up).

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  • DH smokes and knows better than not to wash his hands after...He gets the risks ...now only to break the habit..

    Just ask folks to please wash their hands...

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  • I don't worry about it at all, we have taken our LO to dh's family 2 or 3 times and they all smoke, some inside and some outside. I don't let Hadley be right in the room where they are smoking, but I also don't freak out if some comes her way... I just don't think that it will be harmful for her to be around in such a small amount.

    That being said, I do not let anyone (no matter who they are) smoke in my house/car, people know better than to ask. But when I go to someone else's house I don't feel I would have the right to ask them to do something different just b/c we are there. That's just me though.

  • UGH!!! My MIL smokes like a chimney. It's disgustting. She smokes in her house, so I will not take DS over there. He's been over there *maybe* 3 times, and all 3 were for less than 20 minutes.

    When she comes over here, I've asked her to put one of our shirts on (or bring her own clothes to keep here and I'll wash them for her so she has non-smelly clothes). She has only done this once, but she will be here tomorrow, and I will be handing her a shirt when she walks through the door. They were over 2 weeks ago and she had just come in from a cigarette (she smokes outside at my house, but half the time "forgets" to shut the door all the way and I walk over and slam it!), she tried to take DS from me. I asked if she had washed her hands and she got really nasty. "NO. Why?" Um, because you just smoked!

    When she goes outside, she puts her coat on. It's not perfect, but if the shirt she is wearing is one of our's and clean, it doesn't smell as bad as the rest of her clothes! Plus, DS is NOT super cuddly except to DH or me unless he's tired or not feeling good, so that helps.

    Basically -- your baby, your rules. Ask them to wash their hands, and if you can, make sure they put a coat or something on before going outside. If you are at someone else's house (I can't remember your whole post), ask them to please smoke outside because of the baby's health (blame it on "the start" of a cold if they seem pissy about it -- it always works!!).

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  • If it's close family, I feel totally fine being blunt about it.  DH told his mom not to smoke when she visits, even outside, and it's not negotiable.  Now, she said okay, but when we went to visit her she definitely was smoking.  I just told her to wash her hands before she held the baby, and she did.

    If were an uncle or cousin, I probably wouldn't feel comfortable mentioning the smoking, but I might ask them to wash their hands first.  

    When my (relatively new) cleaning lady wanted to hold the baby (she always smells a little smoky), I just let her because she is sweet and I didn't want to embarrass her, and I'm sure being held by someone who smoked earlier that day was not going to permanently damage my baby. 

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  • Totally not a response to the OP question... but I found the responses helpful and interesting.

    How in the world can people still smoke these days??? Besides that obvious health risks... the cost! It bums me out that some people are so hopelessly addicted:/  

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  • My MIL smokes and it is a never-ending point of major stress for me.  She smokes inside, but will go outside when we are there.  We've never really had her do anything, but I try to keep a close eye on how recently she has smoked before holding DS (not that it really makes a damn bit of difference).  If she ever tries right after smoking I would say something despite pissing DH off.  Now that we are approaching the crawling stage I don't know WTF I'm going to do.  The thought of DS crawling on her floors or putting toys that she has in his mouth makes me sick. 


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  • I honestly think that DH and I are the only non-smokers on his side of the family. He is planning on taking the girls to be with them tomorrow while I am at work for dinner. He has vocalized his opinions about smoking, and his grandma already knows that there is to be no smoking in the house at least while our kids are there. They are pretty good about going outside and smoking, and washing their hands after. I feel bad that I won't be there to 'protect' them from the nastiness, but its DH's family and he is more vocal than I on the issue. If it were my family, I'd probably be the more vocal one. Maybe put your LO in like a carrier or Moby Wrap so that people touching him is limited if you are that concerned.
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  • I can understand your concern as my brothers smoke as well. It's only for the weekend and long term so I would try not to think about it too much. I do make a point of always washing my hands before I pick up my guy in the hopes they will do it as well.
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  • imageL&R70707:
     Now that we are approaching the crawling stage I don't know WTF I'm going to do.  The thought of DS crawling on her floors or putting toys that she has in his mouth makes me sick. 

    Oh man, that is BAD.  I'd probably ask her to keep his toys washed and in a ziplock bag so that the nicotine doesn't get all over them.  I'd be seriously stressed about that as well.   

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  • imagekatie4253:

    imageL&R70707:
     Now that we are approaching the crawling stage I don't know WTF I'm going to do.  The thought of DS crawling on her floors or putting toys that she has in his mouth makes me sick. 

    Oh man, that is BAD.  I'd probably ask her to keep his toys washed and in a ziplock bag so that the nicotine doesn't get all over them.  I'd be seriously stressed about that as well.   

    Omg, I hadn't even thought about that. That scares the crap out of me! Once this happens, I will definitely get more vocal about it though. There is no way in hell DD will out anything from their house in her mouth.

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  • Our close friends are smokers.  They always smoke outside, never near the baby and I don't worry about it beyond that. 
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