Redshirting? DD 4 days from Kinder cutoff...

aleithea

 I know each child is his/her own person, and that it is a decision that cannot be made by reading studies or getting advice.  But I would love to hear from people who have been through this with their children.  My daughter is 4 days away from the cut off date (in California this year, it is Nov. 1), and we are grappling with whether to start her or not.  She has been at an excellent Preschool/day care for years, so in some ways she seems ready...but on the other hand she would literally be the youngest in her class if she does.   If she were to go to a private school in the area, she would not be old enough..however she could start at the public school.  I know ultimately each child is different, but would love to hear some feedback pro or con on your own experience. I also have a two year old boy who will miss the cut off by one day (his year in California it will be Sept. 1st), so he will have to wait another year to start school regardless. 

SueBear

-auntie-:

I've never met a parent who regretted red shirting and I know plenty who wish they did.

A friend of mine kept her son back b/c she heard this very thing.

I have had two friends who held back their child AFTER they had started kindergarten (one was kept back in K, the other repeated 2nd grade) b/c they weren't able to handle the work at their grade level.  Both were boys. I do think that boys do better when they are held back.  My son missed the cutoff and I am SO thankful. 

I did not hold back my DD who was born one month before the cutoff.  It was a struggle for her academically.  Kids in her class were reading before she was, she didn't grasp certain math concepts as quickly as other kids.  Yes, by grade 4 things have evened out and she is a good reader, doesn't have math resources, but it was a difficult couple of years!  Also, she has a GREAT personality, so that helped her to adapt, but if she were shy, I think not holding her back would have been a disaster. 

 

neverblushed

Ugh -- I have wrestled with this with both of my children, and I know how agonizing it is.  I'm happy to share my experiences/thoughts with you.  Sorry in advance if it's long.

DD -- birthday a few weeks before the cutoff.  K was half day when she started.  She was a quiet little girl, but mature and independent.  She is extremely bright and enjoys the company of other serious-minded kiddos like herself.  Was already reading very well when she was 4, and was eager to go to "real" school. I decided to send her to kindergarten, even though she would not turn 5 until a few weeks into the school year, and even though she would always be one of the youngest in her class.

DS -- birthday a few days before the cutoff.  K was full day by the time he started.  He was a sensitive, but socially outgoing, little boy who was very bright, but quiet in class and noticeably lacking in independence and confidence compared to the other kids.  In preschool, it always seemed to take him until about February to catch up to where the rest of the kids had been in September.   I can remember feeling like, "Ah -- now he's finally getting it!"  Although he was already learning to read by age 4.5, he lacked what I call "with-it-ness."  By this I mean that by the summer before K, I couldn't imagine him listening for his bus to be called, figuring out the routines of the cafeteria, remembering who the p.e., art, and music teachers were, or even really reliably knowing where his classroom was!  He's just not a kid who was attuned to those types of things at age 5.  Additionally, he had some fine motor issues for which he saw an occupational therapist.  He wasn't ready for the writing involved in full day K.  So, he stayed in preschool for another year and started K the week he turned 6.

How did it all turn out?

DD, who is currently in 6th grade, has always been at the top of her class, both academically and in terms of leadership.  Her classmates regard her as a leader, and she was chosen as a patrol captain in 5th grade.  When it comes to friends, she still keeps an "inner circle" of girls who share her interest in reading, science, and art.  She is among the youngest in her class, but that was never an issue in elementary school.  Now that puberty is starting, she's aware that she's not where many of the other girls are, in terms of physical development, but she's comfortable (as much as a kid can be when dealing with this!) with where she is.  However, it's just in her nature to be fairly self-assured and to not sweat stuff like this.

DS is now in 1st grade.  His kindergarten teacher said he ought to be "the poster child for the concept of giving your child the 'gift of time.'"  He's among the oldest in his class (there are a few kids with late summer birthdays near his.)  Although he entered K at the top of the class academically, in EVERY OTHER WAY he was as typical a kindergartner as you could imagine!  He has a bunch of friends, and if he had it his way, he'd have a playdate every day.  He's not really aware that he was redshirted.  We told him that parents of kids with birthdays close to the end of August can choose which grade their kid should be in.  Most importantly, I will never have to live through another school year of waiting through those agonizing first several months for him to be really "ready" for the grade he's currently in.

Anyway, hope my saga helps with your decision! 

aleithea

These are fantastic stories and insights..thank you much for sharing them with me!!

shouldbworkin

I know some that have started that close to the cut off and been ok.  I know some that have bdays further away and not been ok.  You know your DD best, but if it was my DC, I would probably hold back one year.  My DS is born 3.5 mos before the cut off and is on the younger side of his class.  It doesn't cause problems for him academically or socially anymore, but the beginning of KG was a little rough b/c he really was in a different place developmentally/socially than some of the other kids in the class.  Since our cut off is so late, the school was well equipped to deal with it and he caught up, but I probably wouldn't have done it if he'd been born closer to the cut off.  FWIW, some of the social differences had nothing to do with age and had to do with things like birth order in a family.  DS, a first born, was at a distinct disadvantage socially compared to kids that had older siblings.  But, that disparity seems to have disappeared now as well.

winomom22

We redshirted DD1. Her bday is Aug 8 and the cut-off is Sept 1. She is in a young 5 Kindergarten right now through our school district and will start regular K next fall. During K warm-up and summer school, teachers had concerns about her distractibility and inability to sit still. She has since been diagnosed with ADHD and I am sooooo glad we held her back. This year has given her an opportunity as well as us to learn ways to help her sit and focus in class. Her teacher is awesome and has her using several "school tools" to help her sit and focus (chewing gum, bouncy ball seat etc). We have a lot more confidence now that she will do well next year in K. The one disadvantage is it was a little heartbreaking to see all of her friends start regular K this past fall and be a whole year ahead of her, but the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. I would MUCH rather her be 18 going on 19 when she graduates HS than 17 going on 18. She would have started college shortly after turning 18. If I were you, I would hold her back. Especially since the school district is moving towards a Sept 1 cut-off. To me a Sept 1 cut-off is much more appropriate than a Nov or Dec 1 cut-off. 4 is too young to start K in my opinion especially since the expectations for K are so much higher now. It is more like 1st grade was for us. 

jsugrin

It's also a possibility that your district may allow you to put her in one of the transitional kindergarten spots instead. It's not allowed in my district but I know other people who are in your situation and their district is allowing kinder eligible kids close to the cut off to enroll in transitional kinder instead.  It would really be ideal for you, she's be in the same public school as kinder so getting adjusted, if they feel she's outperforming they can always look at moving her into kinder/skipping her into first the following year, and you are faced with another year of private school.

aleithea

Yes, many places in California have been offering  "Transitional Kindergarten" to the "early fives".  Children born Oct. - Dec. can attend T-K first for a year, and then go to Kindergarten.  I just spoke to the person in charge for our district, and next year will be the first year they will offer it.  Unfortunately they will host it at a different school than the elementary she would attend, but still I think it is a perfect solution.  Although I'm wary of a guinea pig operation, he says it will be taught my amazing, established kindergarten teachers..that the kids will have a nice mix of "rigorous math, reading, spelling" prep, plus learning through play.  We don't really have pre-K around here, unless your child goes to a private school, so I am thinking this is the perfect way to bridge the gap between preschool, and kindergarten, while keeping her stimulated, but not pushing her through too early.  Also, he told me if a T-K child is advanced, they can skip to K.

LilMissLadybug

DD missed the cutoff by 8 days. We held her back and just put her in a Nature preschool program through the school district. She's in Kindergarten this year and we do not regret our decision at all.