My husband is irritating me!!!! Anyone else with that problem?

ekdunphy

So I'm 16 weeks pregnant with our first and we have been married for a year and a half now but together 7 years and I have known from the beginning that he was a baby.  But it's getting to the point of really making me upset when I tell him I'm tired and don't feel good and he responds with "try having a sinus infection". And I think to myself, "try growing a baby" but there's no point because no matter what I say he is always worse.  I'm starting to get real upset and don't say anything about how I am feeling. This morning he was like "are you crabby today?"  I said, "No, I don't feel good!  I was up all night throwing up."  He replies with "I don't understand why you're still throwing up."  I'm not sure of what I can do to get him to understand that this is tough on us women and all I want is a little understanding and sympathy.  Any ideas on how I can get that through to him?

soapymk

My hubby does the same thing, he picks up recycle, and if I complain, he says try picking up 14000 homes by yourself, or something to that effect all the time,. I"m hoping it's a phase he  will grow out of as he will be 27 this year, but I dont have much hope for this, I just tell him thats so annoying and walk away

kyynel

let him on this website! Let him discover al;l the discomforts that we go through! Or beat him over the head!

ekdunphy

He did just turn 28 so maybe it's just that age...I can only hope.  And I have left this site up on the computer a couple of times so that when he takes it to work he can see what changes I go through that week but it's not working.  Maybe the head thing will work!

altachica

My hubby is generally pretty good, but he can be whiny about small things and not so great about cleaning up after himself.

He comes with me to appointments and my doctor always says things like, "So, are you experiencing --- list of uncomfortable things here?" It's a nice reminder to him that my body is going through a lot right now and I'm not faking being tired---I really am!  So, he gets a little reminder that doesn't come from me every 4 weeks.

catycombs

I'm sorry you are going through this. I've been there. In my experience, men have a tough time empathizing with pregnancy. They just don't understand what's going on with us. This is especially true if they are immature as well. If he is a baby now, just wait until he is replaced. He needs to work on growing up. My best advice is to sit down and talk to him about how you feel. Bottling up emotions will only put uneeded stress on your pregnancy and marriage. My husband and I have to work hard to keep communication lines open. If we don't, we have a tendency to build up animosity towards each other. Having babies and taking care of them is very tough on a marriage. Communication is the only thing that has helped us deal with the stress. I hope this helps some.

cmb820

Goodness.. why are the men trying to make this a competition as to who goes through more?? Sounds like they need some freaking empathy. I'm so glad my husband isn't one of them. He's been *very* understanding about the whole thing even though this is our first pregnancy and had no clue. I got him a book from the very beginning (it's actually how I told him we were expecting) and it helped him know what to expect and how to help. He really picked up the slack while I was useless during the first trimester.

ekdunphy

He has gone with me to every appointment and it seems to work for a week but then we just crash.  Thank goodness we have an appointment tomorrow!

ekdunphy

We have tried talking about it but I almost think it's too soon.  I'm not showing yet so I don't think it has clicked yet with him.  Thanks for the tip on communication.  That is something that I shouldn't be bottleing up and it is putting stress on me.  Right now, it's just hard to have a civil conversation without getting really upset.  This is something I will have to work on with my hormones being as crazy as they are!

catycombs

Hormones are evil! Just ask my husband! He had a hard time agreeing to number two, not because he didn't want another child. But, because I had just gotten back to my old non-homonal self. Oh well, just two more years of crazy for him!

baltimorebride7

I know the feeling.  I think maybe it's their way of handling their own anxiety about having a baby.  Not that that makes any sense, but otherwise I can't explain the apparant insensitivity.  I have dealt with the same thing with my SO by now that I'm out of the woods with most of my MS it doesn't seem to be as bad anymore.  Now when I'm feeling bad (mainly because of indigestion), he usually says 'oh'...I mean he'll ask how I'm feeling but that's about as far as it goes.  I have gotten the occasional back rub but that's few and far between. In my mind I thought I'd be pampered and treated like a spoiled princess for carrying a baby but that's not panning out, LOL.

ekdunphy

That's what I was expecting!!!  No spoiling or back rubbing here!

blueshamrock7

Ugh, sorry - this isn't pregnancy related hormones that are causing the irritation, that is just plain ANNOYING! I am so sorry you have to deal with that. I dated a guy like that once (long before I was pregnant or married, obviously LOL). He was a year younger than I was - not sure if that had anything to do with it - but he was awful. Everything was a competition and it was ridiculous. I hope your husband gets over that really fast. That's just not fair.

This makes me want to seriously hug my husband to death because I have been so awful to him lately -- any time he isn't feeling well from work or anything like that (and he RARELY complains about anything), I bring up something pregnancy related. *I am super hormonal and need to take a freaking chill pill. It's all about perspective - thanks for giving me some lol. I hope you can figure out how to get your husband to be more understanding!!

weezie825

When I was pregnant with my daughter my husband had a really hard time understanding how tired I was.  I could go from fine to I need to lay down RIGHT NOW in about 3 seconds.  I think it finally clicked for him when we were at the doctors.  Hearing it from my OB somehow made it more objective for him.  About 2 weeks later we also found out I was anemic, and then I think he really got it. 

 

palma44

I just posted about how I am starting to resent my husband for the same exact things this morning. I know that it is impossible for them to understand how we are feeling or what we are going through, but they could at least understand sympathy and support are all we really want. They don't have to go through any of this horrible m/s, tiredness, and general feeling of crap, but they still get to enjoy baby just as much when they are born, unfair! lol Men just could not go through this, they are not as strong as us, I mean my husband thinks he is bying if he gets a head ache try having a person living in you making you puke multiple times a day lol

 oh man I am going to try to sit my husband down tonight and talk to him about how I am feeling to try to put him more in my shoes... Good luck!

fryrat

I don't have the competition, but he's been quite distant. I'll explain to him things like how I can't take cold meds because of the decongestants, and he knows not to say "why don't you take something" when I'm all stuffed up. He's smart like that. I've warned him when I have really emotional days, so he knows if I snap, I don't really mean it like that. He's been good in that way. He also will check with me to make sure I can do certain things before he commits to social things.

 However... He had a cold. I did nice things like making dinner, so he could rest. Fine, but the child that he is, he was on the couch not covering his mouth when he coughed or sneezed. UGH! So as soon as he started feeling better, I went on a cleaning spree, and of course I caught it. While I was sick, he didn't even offer to heat up a can of chicken noodle soup for me, I had to get up and make it myself!! It was like I didn't exist because I was sick.

Since we have started telling people, I think he's more coming into his role as being supportive, but it's only been one day. I don't know how long it will last.

GooglGirl

It really is not fair at all that we have to bear the burden of the pregnancy then basically raise it the best we can.  I think we are the luckiest of the two sexes that we can go through all of the ups and downs because in the end we are the ones that get rewarded.     

Men are just unreal!  this is my SO 5th child (our first together) he still did not know how to look at LO on ultrasound pics.  SIGH!  And as for relaxing etc.  It took an overload of stress and low blood pressure and a day in hospital for him to realize how important things are for me. I swear he is afraid to touch me at all... its nuts!!   BUT  even saying that he still doesn't get it because everything is back to normal ....   We should just have clubs in our hands to beat them senseless and to make them realize.     

Have a great day ladies 

weezie825

One thing I have learned is that I need to be very explicit with DH about what I want or what I am asking him to do.  If I ask him to "help" he just wonders around, but if I say, can you please pack up DD's diaper bag he usually does a better job than I do!

If I am not feeling good I will ask him to rub my back or if I need a drink I will ask him to get me a glass of water.  I find that he wants to be helpful it just doesn't occur to him to do those things without being asked.

He keeps telling me he can't read my mind, and I need to remember that.  So my suggestion is that if you want something ask for it, very clearly.  Don't hint, don't wait for him to get an inspired idea...  Say Hon, I don't feel well and don't want to cook tonight.  Can you heat up some soup or order some pizza?

 

 

MrsWP

Maybe try getting him a book - not about pregnancy but about something related to him...  Like Wild at Heart by John eldredge.  My husband listened to this as an audiobook (on the way to and from work each day) and it really changed his attitude about things.   It wasn't a book that made him feel like he was sucking at life, but a book that kind of empowered him to do more because he's a man, who should be the strength of our family!   My DH is a different person than he used to be (not just because of this book, but thats where it started, along with communication from me)

alkmetz23

baltimorebride7:

I know the feeling.  I think maybe it's their way of handling their own anxiety about having a baby.  Not that that makes any sense, but otherwise I can't explain the apparant insensitivity.  I have dealt with the same thing with my SO by now that I'm out of the woods with most of my MS it doesn't seem to be as bad anymore.  Now when I'm feeling bad (mainly because of indigestion), he usually says 'oh'...I mean he'll ask how I'm feeling but that's about as far as it goes.  I have gotten the occasional back rub but that's few and far between. In my mind I thought I'd be pampered and treated like a spoiled princess for carrying a baby but that's not panning out, LOL.

THIS! hahaha 

cwie828

I think "men" just don't get it sometimes. My DH is hilariously pathetic when he is sick. His signature line is, "my head is pounding..." I just try not to laugh because he really is that sad and pathetic. I think maybe the fact that boys are so babied by their mothers ruins them for their wives because they are used to being coddled. I know for me, when I am sick and not feeling well I just need my space and I'll take care of myself but no guy I know is like that. My DH also calls me all day long to complain about his job...and I'm always like, "baby it is the same thing every day just blow it off" but it's just his personality. I love him to death though and I am sure that I drive him nuts too.

ekdunphy

I think the thing with the mom hit it right on.  When I get sick, I suck it up and get over it.  I would rarely go to the doctor especially for just a cold.  I have been to the doctor more in 3 months than I have in 3 years!  I love my DH with all my heart but sometimes...just once....a little sympathy would help!

ashk7

I am sorry, I can only imagine how annoying this would be. When I was in my first few weeks and was a walking zombie my DH would make a comment like " oh, really thats a surprise!" When I would say I was tired. I told him how upsetting this was and then we started looking at what my body is going through weekly and how the baby is growing. Ever since that he has *knock on wood* been amazing. I just think it is hard for them to grasp at times. He loves seeing how the baby is progressing and what is growing, it has really gotten him involved. Now that he sort of gets the changes and how hard my body is working he is much better with helping out and having sympathy! I hope this helps, you need your pampering!

ekdunphy

Thank you everyone for all your help!  I think talking about it has helped alot.  And also to find out that I'm not the only one with this problem.  This blog might just save our marriage!!!