I don't usually post on this board, but I have the urge to do so now. The excuse that people just "don't know how" to throw a shower is the lamest, most bogus excuse ever. Other than the obvious resource of asking other people what they have done when they hosted showers, there are these cool things called books which usually give instructions. And then there's this other thing...I think Al Gore invented it? Oh right, the Internet. If someone is too stupid to google "baby shower ideas" then you shouldn't be friends with them anyway.
And yes, it is rude and greedy to throw a party and ask for gifts. If you want to throw a party to celebrate your baby, have a sip and see or wait for the child's first birthday. If one of my friends said she was going to throw herself a shower, I'd tell her she can't do that and take it over myself.
Other than me saying that I have friends who a.) aren't going to straight up offer to host because they simply don't know they should and b.) I will help plan because they only offered to help, not throw it, who used "don't know how to plan" as a reason to hold their own.
My point is that because of my friend's ignorance, I am stuck in an awkward place etiquette-wise. I am not allowed to tell them straight out that they should host, it seems rude to turn down their offer and just not have one (when they know I would enjoy one), I am not supposed to help plan the shower either though. So what am I supposed to do?
And sure, in our ideal world everyone would know about baby shower etiquette but I also have no idea how to fix my car or make a reasonable latte and my two friends do. I know what baby shower etiquette entails. I wish they would look online for info, yes, but in their minds, I am going to want to plan all these things the way I like them done, just like every other party we've ever had, so it doesn't seem necessary (or helpful, since I'll just want to plan things.) I don't bother to look up how to change brakes when my friend changes mine because she knows what she is doing, and it seems silly to bother.
Comparing throwing your own shower to changing brakes or making a latte... that's a new one. I don't see the correlation, but maybe I'm just an idiot... can someone explain that one to me.
FYI, if someone only offers to help you tell them that if someone offers to throw you a shower you will let them know that they want to help.
So if my only two good friends, my mother and MIL all tell me that they can only help with parts of it but can't be the official host for everything but would love to assist with part, I can't have one? How does co-hosting work then if only one person is allowed to throw it? The only difference I see is that since there are so many people helping, they feel it would be easiest if I also helped with making some of the choices and communicating with people. My point was simply that some people consider this a breach of etiquette but following etiquette to a T in my scenario would make things MORE difficult for people, so sometimes bending rules makes sense. I am not telling people to just randomly throw their own baby showers, just that not all circumstances are made equal.
Several people can pool their resources and host the shower together. Who ever said only one person is allowed to host? There is only one person who isn't allowed to host... the MTB. If no one actually offers to host, then you are correct, you don't have one. And, if the host asks for your input on things, you are allowed to give it... it is only rude if you tell them what you want without them asking.
I don't usually post on this board, but I have the urge to do so now. The excuse that people just "don't know how" to throw a shower is the lamest, most bogus excuse ever. Other than the obvious resource of asking other people what they have done when they hosted showers, there are these cool things called books which usually give instructions. And then there's this other thing...I think Al Gore invented it? Oh right, the Internet. If someone is too stupid to google "baby shower ideas" then you shouldn't be friends with them anyway.
And yes, it is rude and greedy to throw a party and ask for gifts. If you want to throw a party to celebrate your baby, have a sip and see or wait for the child's first birthday. If one of my friends said she was going to throw herself a shower, I'd tell her she can't do that and take it over myself.
Other than me saying that I have friends who a.) aren't going to straight up offer to host because they simply don't know they should and b.) I will help plan because they only offered to help, not throw it, who used "don't know how to plan" as a reason to hold their own.
My point is that because of my friend's ignorance, I am stuck in an awkward place etiquette-wise. I am not allowed to tell them straight out that they should host, it seems rude to turn down their offer and just not have one (when they know I would enjoy one), I am not supposed to help plan the shower either though. So what am I supposed to do?
And sure, in our ideal world everyone would know about baby shower etiquette but I also have no idea how to fix my car or make a reasonable latte and my two friends do. I know what baby shower etiquette entails. I wish they would look online for info, yes, but in their minds, I am going to want to plan all these things the way I like them done, just like every other party we've ever had, so it doesn't seem necessary (or helpful, since I'll just want to plan things.) I don't bother to look up how to change brakes when my friend changes mine because she knows what she is doing, and it seems silly to bother.
Comparing throwing your own shower to changing brakes or making a latte... that's a new one. I don't see the correlation, but maybe I'm just an idiot... can someone explain that one to me.
FYI, if someone only offers to help you tell them that if someone offers to throw you a shower you will let them know that they want to help.
So if my only two good friends, my mother and MIL all tell me that they can only help with parts of it but can't be the official host for everything but would love to assist with part, I can't have one? How does co-hosting work then if only one person is allowed to throw it? The only difference I see is that since there are so many people helping, they feel it would be easiest if I also helped with making some of the choices and communicating with people. My point was simply that some people consider this a breach of etiquette but following etiquette to a T in my scenario would make things MORE difficult for people, so sometimes bending rules makes sense. I am not telling people to just randomly throw their own baby showers, just that not all circumstances are made equal.
Several people can pool their resources and host the shower together. Who ever said only one person is allowed to host? There is only one person who isn't allowed to host... the MTB. If no one actually offers to host, then you are correct, you don't have one. And, if the host asks for your input on things, you are allowed to give it... it is only rude if you tell them what you want without them asking.
What I am confused about is what is the "host" supposed to do. Does one of my friends have to use the word "host" to make it okay? If three people are all helping equally financially but it is held at my mother's home who is not helping to pay for it but I am playing coordinator for the moving parts (and my friends' request for simplicity,) does that mean it has no official host and therefore I am hosting it and it is tacky? Is the host just whomever is put down as the person you RSVP to?
What I am confused about is what is the "host" supposed to do. Does one of my friends have to use the word "host" to make it okay? If three people are all helping equally financially but it is held at my mother's home who is not helping to pay for it but I am playing coordinator for the moving parts (and my friends' request for simplicity,) does that mean it has no official host and therefore I am hosting it and it is tacky? Is the host just whomever is put down as the person you RSVP to?
Host: Plans, co-ordinates, officially invites, pays for and runs the show day of. Multiple people can come together to plan, co-ordinate, invite, pay for and run the show. The only person who isn't supposed to host is the mom to be.
If you are planning it, coordinating, inviting, paying for and running the show, you're hosting. I can host a shower at someone else's house (although that's pretty rare) and still be the host. I can have 5 friends all chip in and help pay, but I'm doing the planning, inviting and running of the shower....technically we're all hosting, but since it's better to have one go-to person to make final decisions, collect rsvps, etc.
This isn't that hard of a concept. Showers themselves are gifts. If you're buying your own gift, it's tacky. If you're dictating to your friend what exactly to buy and what box to put it in and what color paper to wrap it in and what card to use and what pen to use and you carry your own present to give to yourself---don't you see how this is tacky?
Little Man (4 years old---holy cow) He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
What I am confused about is what is the "host" supposed to do. Does one of my friends have to use the word "host" to make it okay? If three people are all helping equally financially but it is held at my mother's home who is not helping to pay for it but I am playing coordinator for the moving parts (and my friends' request for simplicity,) does that mean it has no official host and therefore I am hosting it and it is tacky? Is the host just whomever is put down as the person you RSVP to?
Host: Plans, co-ordinates, officially invites, pays for and runs the show day of. Multiple people can come together to plan, co-ordinate, invite, pay for and run the show. The only person who isn't supposed to host is the mom to be.
If you are planning it, coordinating, inviting, paying for and running the show, you're hosting. I can host a shower at someone else's house (although that's pretty rare) and still be the host. I can have 5 friends all chip in and help pay, but I'm doing the planning, inviting and running of the shower....technically we're all hosting, but since it's better to have one go-to person to make final decisions, collect rsvps, etc.
This isn't that hard of a concept. Showers themselves are gifts. If you're buying your own gift, it's tacky. If you're dictating to your friend what exactly to buy and what box to put it in and what color paper to wrap it in and what card to use and what pen to use and you carry your own present to give to yourself---don't you see how this is tacky?
If I walked up and told them all exactly what they needed to do an how to do it, yes, I would absolutely see what is tacky. Each person has volunteered something, one is home and cake and will run the shower itself, a second invitations and rsvp, a third is food, and fourth for anything else that might be needed. I guess at the end of the day I would be the one to talk to my MIL so I guess I am the host by the standards of "coordinating" but I am not doing the inviting or paying for or running of the shower...
So am I supposed to go back to these people and say "I'm sorry, but since you didn't offer to host it, we are can't have one." That seems awfully rude and tacky too. And rather selfish to make things difficult on my friends and family when they don't need to be... I see no way that telling them "no shower" all of a sudden now would make things simpler either.
What I am confused about is what is the "host" supposed to do. Does one of my friends have to use the word "host" to make it okay? If three people are all helping equally financially but it is held at my mother's home who is not helping to pay for it but I am playing coordinator for the moving parts (and my friends' request for simplicity,) does that mean it has no official host and therefore I am hosting it and it is tacky? Is the host just whomever is put down as the person you RSVP to?
Host: Plans, co-ordinates, officially invites, pays for and runs the show day of. Multiple people can come together to plan, co-ordinate, invite, pay for and run the show. The only person who isn't supposed to host is the mom to be.
If you are planning it, coordinating, inviting, paying for and running the show, you're hosting. I can host a shower at someone else's house (although that's pretty rare) and still be the host. I can have 5 friends all chip in and help pay, but I'm doing the planning, inviting and running of the shower....technically we're all hosting, but since it's better to have one go-to person to make final decisions, collect rsvps, etc.
This isn't that hard of a concept. Showers themselves are gifts. If you're buying your own gift, it's tacky. If you're dictating to your friend what exactly to buy and what box to put it in and what color paper to wrap it in and what card to use and what pen to use and you carry your own present to give to yourself---don't you see how this is tacky?
If I walked up and told them all exactly what they needed to do an how to do it, yes, I would absolutely see what is tacky. Each person has volunteered something, one is home and cake and will run the shower itself, a second invitations and rsvp, a third is food, and fourth for anything else that might be needed. I guess at the end of the day I would be the one to talk to my MIL so I guess I am the host by the standards of "coordinating" but I am not doing the inviting or paying for or running of the shower...
So am I supposed to go back to these people and say "I'm sorry, but since you didn't offer to host it, we are can't have one." That seems awfully rude and tacky too. And rather selfish to make things difficult on my friends and family when they don't need to be... I see no way that telling them "no shower" all of a sudden now would make things simpler either.
So you are telling them how to spend their money on you. Don't you see how that is wrong?
It's food and some balloons... why is that so difficult?
If one of my good friends threw herself a baby shower, I would show up with bells on and a gift and lots of love for her. Supporting your friends, showing them that you care and celebrating this new baby's life is SO much more important than worrying about etiquette, in my opinion.
And if you were really a "good friend" and "with bells on excited", you'd host the shower.
And sure, in our ideal world everyone would know about baby shower etiquette but I also have no idea how to fix my car or make a reasonable latte and my two friends do. I know what baby shower etiquette entails.
Fixing a car and making lattes are job skills that not everyone needs to have.
Etiquette is about how to live in a community of people without offending people and causing discord. That's why etiquette basics are essential for everyone.
And if you really knew "what baby shower etiquette entails", you would've told your friends "I haven't heard anything about a shower, but if someone offers to host can I put them in touch with you?"
What I am confused about is what is the "host" supposed to do. Does one of my friends have to use the word "host" to make it okay? If three people are all helping equally financially but it is held at my mother's home who is not helping to pay for it but I am playing coordinator for the moving parts (and my friends' request for simplicity,) does that mean it has no official host and therefore I am hosting it and it is tacky? Is the host just whomever is put down as the person you RSVP to?
Host: Plans, co-ordinates, officially invites, pays for and runs the show day of. Multiple people can come together to plan, co-ordinate, invite, pay for and run the show. The only person who isn't supposed to host is the mom to be.
If you are planning it, coordinating, inviting, paying for and running the show, you're hosting. I can host a shower at someone else's house (although that's pretty rare) and still be the host. I can have 5 friends all chip in and help pay, but I'm doing the planning, inviting and running of the shower....technically we're all hosting, but since it's better to have one go-to person to make final decisions, collect rsvps, etc.
This isn't that hard of a concept. Showers themselves are gifts. If you're buying your own gift, it's tacky. If you're dictating to your friend what exactly to buy and what box to put it in and what color paper to wrap it in and what card to use and what pen to use and you carry your own present to give to yourself---don't you see how this is tacky?
If I walked up and told them all exactly what they needed to do an how to do it, yes, I would absolutely see what is tacky. Each person has volunteered something, one is home and cake and will run the shower itself, a second invitations and rsvp, a third is food, and fourth for anything else that might be needed. I guess at the end of the day I would be the one to talk to my MIL so I guess I am the host by the standards of "coordinating" but I am not doing the inviting or paying for or running of the shower...
So am I supposed to go back to these people and say "I'm sorry, but since you didn't offer to host it, we are can't have one." That seems awfully rude and tacky too. And rather selfish to make things difficult on my friends and family when they don't need to be... I see no way that telling them "no shower" all of a sudden now would make things simpler either.
So you are telling them how to spend their money on you. Don't you see how that is wrong?
It's food and some balloons... why is that so difficult?
So by them volunteering to bring something, I am telling them how to spend their money?
I don't even want balloons. "Why is that so difficult?" That is my point. Why do I need a specific "host" to retell my friends what we need (they already know we need finger foods because the shower can only be from 2-4pm due to my work hour, i don't want decorations, I already have invitations, etc.) which are all things they know by being friends with me, not me dictating. I don't care what food they get, I don't care what day they pick as long as it is okay with my mother, we don't need decorations...Where is the telling them how to spend their money?
And sure, in our ideal world everyone would know about baby shower etiquette but I also have no idea how to fix my car or make a reasonable latte and my two friends do. I know what baby shower etiquette entails.
Fixing a car and making lattes are job skills that not everyone needs to have.
Etiquette is about how to live in a community of people without offending people and causing discord. That's why etiquette basics are essential for everyone.
And if you really knew "what baby shower etiquette entails", you would've told your friends "I haven't heard anything about a shower, but if someone offers to host can I put them in touch with you?"
When I never had a shower since these are my only close friends, they would have been extremely hurt that what they offered was "not good enough" by random etiquette and that due to their work schedules, I can't have a shower at all. they already knew that my mother offered her home for one so they offered to bring finger foods (one) and take care of invitations (other) at the same time. "Thanks, but since you are having a hard time finding a job and graduated school with crushing debt and are working two minimum wages jobs so you can eat and now don't have the time to play "host", I can't have a baby shower" would totally make my good friends feel better than me helping coordinate because they asked me to. Excellent idea!
LadyTyler, how do you define hosting because it sounds like your friends ARE hosting and a miscommunication here is what is making this very confusing.
What the H is up with this 'its 2011' excuse. The year has nothing to do with being greedy. Also, the excuse of 'the don't know how to plan a shower' is insane. Invite people. make food. done.
Some people SERIOUSLY do not even know how to invite people, make food, done....
My host is Russian. She is about 10 years younger than me and has never been to a baby shower and doesnt plan things..a week before my shower (it was last week) she had NO IDEA what to do..I would get random texts like...
" I think there are 30 people..how many bottles of soda should I buy? If I get a cake what should I slice it with? Nobody is rsvping, what should I do? Where do I get supplies to hold hot food? where do I get the prizes for games and how much should I spend..yada yada yada"
So for some people it isn't easy..they just aren't detail oriented or know....luckily my mom helped and it was fabulous. They both did an amazing job. I will have to post photos.
LadyTyler, how do you define hosting because it sounds like your friends ARE hosting and a miscommunication here is what is making this very confusing.
I also thought they were hosting! I don't even agree with hosting your own for the most part, and never tried to say a person should; I was just responding to another girl (not the OP) about helping plan and how that is our "tacky" thing. Somehow it ended up so that people were saying that I was hosting and my friends were crappy people so I kept replying...It seemed to have run away and ended up somewhere else.
The entirety of what I was trying to say was that while I have friends who are "hosting" I am helping more than some people would consider appropriate and would say it is tacky, but in my situation it made things easier for my friends so it seemed like the right choice for us, but it didn't come out that way. Sorry!
Some people SERIOUSLY do not even know how to invite people, make food, done....
My host is Russian. She is about 10 years younger than me and has never been to a baby shower and doesnt plan things..a week before my shower (it was last week) she had NO IDEA what to do..I would get random texts like...
" I think there are 30 people..how many bottles of soda should I buy? If I get a cake what should I slice it with? Nobody is rsvping, what should I do? Where do I get supplies to hold hot food? where do I get the prizes for games and how much should I spend..yada yada yada"
So for some people it isn't easy..they just aren't detail oriented or know....luckily my mom helped and it was fabulous. They both did an amazing job. I will have to post photos.
Ok, there really is no other way to say this so I'm going to just spit it out. Your friend sounds like an idiot. I don't think it has anything to do with being Russian. I know for a fact that people in Russia host parties and if she can't say to herself, "I invited people and no one is telling me if they are going to come. Perhaps I should call them to see if they are coming." You kept using the fact that she is Russian and Baby Showers aren't so popular there so you needed to run the show because she had no clue what was going on. It sounds like your friend just doesn't know how to plan a party PERIOD.
This is the point where I'd say "you know what, my mom/sister/aunt/cousin (whoever) is super excited about the shower and keeps bugging me and asking if you need any help. Will you do me a big big favor and find something for them to help with? I know they'd love to be a part of this whole thing!" I'm sorry but there is zero reason, imo, that the m2b needs to do anything more than provide the guest list, answer simple questions (such as "do you want chocolate cake or white?") and show up for the shower. Using your friends social ineptitude as an excuse to plan your own shower doesn't cut it in my book.
Little Man (4 years old---holy cow) He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
Some people SERIOUSLY do not even know how to invite people, make food, done....
My host is Russian. She is about 10 years younger than me and has never been to a baby shower and doesnt plan things..a week before my shower (it was last week) she had NO IDEA what to do..I would get random texts like...
" I think there are 30 people..how many bottles of soda should I buy? If I get a cake what should I slice it with? Nobody is rsvping, what should I do? Where do I get supplies to hold hot food? where do I get the prizes for games and how much should I spend..yada yada yada"
So for some people it isn't easy..they just aren't detail oriented or know....luckily my mom helped and it was fabulous. They both did an amazing job. I will have to post photos.
Ok, there really is no other way to say this so I'm going to just spit it out. Your friend sounds like an idiot. I don't think it has anything to do with being Russian. I know for a fact that people in Russia host parties and if she can't say to herself, "I invited people and no one is telling me if they are going to come. Perhaps I should call them to see if they are coming." You kept using the fact that she is Russian and Baby Showers aren't so popular there so you needed to run the show because she had no clue what was going on. It sounds like your friend just doesn't know how to plan a party PERIOD.
This is the point where I'd say "you know what, my mom/sister/aunt/cousin (whoever) is super excited about the shower and keeps bugging me and asking if you need any help. Will you do me a big big favor and find something for them to help with? I know they'd love to be a part of this whole thing!" I'm sorry but there is zero reason, imo, that the m2b needs to do anything more than provide the guest list, answer simple questions (such as "do you want chocolate cake or white?") and show up for the shower. Using your friends social ineptitude as an excuse to plan your own shower doesn't cut it in my book.
Where on Earth does she say that she used it as an excuse to plan her shower? She said that her mother helped. Or are you now trying to insinuate that she actually used her mother as a front of propriety so that she could actually do it all herself?
Some people SERIOUSLY do not even know how to invite people, make food, done....
My host is Russian. She is about 10 years younger than me and has never been to a baby shower and doesnt plan things..a week before my shower (it was last week) she had NO IDEA what to do..I would get random texts like...
" I think there are 30 people..how many bottles of soda should I buy? If I get a cake what should I slice it with? Nobody is rsvping, what should I do? Where do I get supplies to hold hot food? where do I get the prizes for games and how much should I spend..yada yada yada"
So for some people it isn't easy..they just aren't detail oriented or know....luckily my mom helped and it was fabulous. They both did an amazing job. I will have to post photos.
Ok, there really is no other way to say this so I'm going to just spit it out. Your friend sounds like an idiot. I don't think it has anything to do with being Russian. I know for a fact that people in Russia host parties and if she can't say to herself, "I invited people and no one is telling me if they are going to come. Perhaps I should call them to see if they are coming." You kept using the fact that she is Russian and Baby Showers aren't so popular there so you needed to run the show because she had no clue what was going on. It sounds like your friend just doesn't know how to plan a party PERIOD.
This is the point where I'd say "you know what, my mom/sister/aunt/cousin (whoever) is super excited about the shower and keeps bugging me and asking if you need any help. Will you do me a big big favor and find something for them to help with? I know they'd love to be a part of this whole thing!" I'm sorry but there is zero reason, imo, that the m2b needs to do anything more than provide the guest list, answer simple questions (such as "do you want chocolate cake or white?") and show up for the shower. Using your friends social ineptitude as an excuse to plan your own shower doesn't cut it in my book.
Where on Earth does she say that she used it as an excuse to plan her shower? She said that her mother helped. Or are you now trying to insinuate that she actually used her mother as a front of propriety so that she could actually do it all herself?
Some people SERIOUSLY do not even know how to invite people, make food, done....
My host is Russian. She is about 10 years younger than me and has never been to a baby shower and doesnt plan things..a week before my shower (it was last week) she had NO IDEA what to do..I would get random texts like...
" I think there are 30 people..how many bottles of soda should I buy? If I get a cake what should I slice it with? Nobody is rsvping, what should I do? Where do I get supplies to hold hot food? where do I get the prizes for games and how much should I spend..yada yada yada"
So for some people it isn't easy..they just aren't detail oriented or know....luckily my mom helped and it was fabulous. They both did an amazing job. I will have to post photos.
Ok, there really is no other way to say this so I'm going to just spit it out. Your friend sounds like an idiot. I don't think it has anything to do with being Russian. I know for a fact that people in Russia host parties and if she can't say to herself, "I invited people and no one is telling me if they are going to come. Perhaps I should call them to see if they are coming." You kept using the fact that she is Russian and Baby Showers aren't so popular there so you needed to run the show because she had no clue what was going on. It sounds like your friend just doesn't know how to plan a party PERIOD.
This is the point where I'd say "you know what, my mom/sister/aunt/cousin (whoever) is super excited about the shower and keeps bugging me and asking if you need any help. Will you do me a big big favor and find something for them to help with? I know they'd love to be a part of this whole thing!" I'm sorry but there is zero reason, imo, that the m2b needs to do anything more than provide the guest list, answer simple questions (such as "do you want chocolate cake or white?") and show up for the shower. Using your friends social ineptitude as an excuse to plan your own shower doesn't cut it in my book.
Where on Earth does she say that she used it as an excuse to plan her shower? She said that her mother helped. Or are you now trying to insinuate that she actually used her mother as a front of propriety so that she could actually do it all herself?
Sorry, I'm using the background knowledge from her previous posts talking about different things she worked on. From this post alone, you don't have that information.
Little Man (4 years old---holy cow) He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
Some people SERIOUSLY do not even know how to invite people, make food, done....
My host is Russian. She is about 10 years younger than me and has never been to a baby shower and doesnt plan things..a week before my shower (it was last week) she had NO IDEA what to do..I would get random texts like...
" I think there are 30 people..how many bottles of soda should I buy? If I get a cake what should I slice it with? Nobody is rsvping, what should I do? Where do I get supplies to hold hot food? where do I get the prizes for games and how much should I spend..yada yada yada"
So for some people it isn't easy..they just aren't detail oriented or know....luckily my mom helped and it was fabulous. They both did an amazing job. I will have to post photos.
Ok, there really is no other way to say this so I'm going to just spit it out. Your friend sounds like an idiot. I don't think it has anything to do with being Russian. I know for a fact that people in Russia host parties and if she can't say to herself, "I invited people and no one is telling me if they are going to come. Perhaps I should call them to see if they are coming." You kept using the fact that she is Russian and Baby Showers aren't so popular there so you needed to run the show because she had no clue what was going on. It sounds like your friend just doesn't know how to plan a party PERIOD.
This is the point where I'd say "you know what, my mom/sister/aunt/cousin (whoever) is super excited about the shower and keeps bugging me and asking if you need any help. Will you do me a big big favor and find something for them to help with? I know they'd love to be a part of this whole thing!" I'm sorry but there is zero reason, imo, that the m2b needs to do anything more than provide the guest list, answer simple questions (such as "do you want chocolate cake or white?") and show up for the shower. Using your friends social ineptitude as an excuse to plan your own shower doesn't cut it in my book.
Where on Earth does she say that she used it as an excuse to plan her shower? She said that her mother helped. Or are you now trying to insinuate that she actually used her mother as a front of propriety so that she could actually do it all herself?
Sorry, I'm using the background knowledge from her previous posts talking about different things she worked on. From this post alone, you don't have that information.
lol..this board is so funny...did I use my mother as a 'front' to plan my shower? Um no..she helped because all of you 'ladies' or lack of a better 'B' word..said this and that about me..so she helped..being 2000 miles away.
I just state where my host if from so that you understand that not everyone is like you, or us, in America, and is into party planning. My friend is very intelligent and just passed her BAR exam..it is just that sometimes, she doesn't have basic, common sense, knowledge of things we do here.
For instance, she had never bought coffee in her life..she told me before the shower..I told her to just get a mild roast to help me stay awake during my 8 hour shindig..so today I go to make some left over coffee..it is DECAF! I text her..she had no clue and said again that she has never bought coffee...
So do not insult me or my host because you think we have these crazy motives to plan my own shower..it is ridiculous! Be nice now.
lol..this board is so funny...did I use my mother as a 'front' to plan my shower? Um no..she helped because all of you 'ladies' or lack of a better 'B' word..said this and that about me..so she helped..being 2000 miles away.
I just state where my host if from so that you understand that not everyone is like you, or us, in America, and is into party planning. My friend is very intelligent and just passed her BAR exam..it is just that sometimes, she doesn't have basic, common sense, knowledge of things we do here.
For instance, she had never bought coffee in her life..she told me before the shower..I told her to just get a mild roast to help me stay awake during my 8 hour shindig..so today I go to make some left over coffee..it is DECAF! I text her..she had no clue and said again that she has never bought coffee...
So do not insult me or my host because you think we have these crazy motives to plan my own shower..it is ridiculous! Be nice now.
Oh, for fvck's sake... could this get any more ridiculous?! Is buying coffee an American thing? Russians don't drink coffee? You do realize that at some point in every single person's life, they have to do something for the first time ever.
I had no idea there was suppose to be a host planning a baby shower... This is my first pregnancy! Its your baby so why wouldnt you plan it? Its just like a birthday party, you invite your friends and they bring you presents, right? Your not asking people to give you anything, your asking people to celebrate the baby your expecting and its not like they are giving you stuff they are giving your baby a gift for joining the world. I really didnt know it was tacky to plan your own party! Thats just so dumb lol I want things setup the way I want things set up! I hope your shower turns out just how you want it and its wonderful:)!
I can see this, honestly...and the whole tacky question about asking for gifts is exactly why registries bother me. I can see how they are helpful, but for me when I was asked to do this (by guests invited to my shower that I'm not throwing myself or helping out in) it smacked of asking for handouts - worse, specific handouts. Yet, registries are almost universally expected and ok'd in today's society...where I don't think they were prior to the internet age (or rather, they weren't as common as they are now).
OMG, calm down ladies! Clearly the person cohosting is pregnant and her mom is helping..things happen and so what if she's planning, I would still give her baby a gift...
so what give you self a party...if it makes u feel better put ur mom as the host.. u can do what you want to do...have a great party..hope you get good gifts..
First of I am ashamed to read some of the comments left behind. I recently became pregnant and joined the Bump looking for support, advice and a general sense of comradery among other women and mothers, but I must say, juding by the replies to the post here, this is the wrong place for me.
As women in general caddiness is a way of life it seems, but here its shouted at the roof tops. You ladies who have done a fine job of posting your negative feedback have laid out a path for bad karma for yourselves. As mothers, we will teach our chilren that if you cannot say anything nice, you should not say anything at all. Apparently, thats not the case in the prior replies.
No one should judge anyone on ethics, morals or the properness of baby showers! More over, good for her - she wants her shower her way, so be it! You're not going to be there, so why do you care? What Marie said certainly did not warrant ANY of the terrible comments below.
And as far as asking for "gifts" for her shower and how inappropirate that is, I supposed none of you key-board gangsters registered for your baby shower - because correct me if I am wrong - isnt that basiclly telling your guests what to buy for you? Just saying......
First of I am ashamed to read some of the comments left behind. I recently became pregnant and joined the Bump looking for support, advice and a general sense of comradery among other women and mothers, but I must say, juding by the replies to the post here, this is the wrong place for me.
As women in general caddiness is a way of life it seems, but here its shouted at the roof tops. You ladies who have done a fine job of posting your negative feedback have laid out a path for bad karma for yourselves. As mothers, we will teach our chilren that if you cannot say anything nice, you should not say anything at all. Apparently, thats not the case in the prior replies.
No one should judge anyone on ethics, morals or the properness of baby showers! More over, good for her - she wants her shower her way, so be it! You're not going to be there, so why do you care? What Marie said certainly did not warrant ANY of the terrible comments below.
And as far as asking for "gifts" for her shower and how inappropirate that is, I supposed none of you key-board gangsters registered for your baby shower - because correct me if I am wrong - isnt that basiclly telling your guests what to buy for you? Just saying......
No one is judging ethics or morals, we are judging etiquette, that's what this board is for. FYI, I didn't register nor did I have a baby shower...
As mothers, we should also teach our children manners. Claiming to celebrate them by being a greedy momzilla is hardly a good jumping off point, wouldn't you agree?
And since my karma is shot to sh!t according to you anyway, it's cattiness not caddiness. If you are going to try to lecture, at least spell things properly.
I have been to a lot of baby showers and never once thought about who was hosting it. I am having three and I am not hosting any of them...if the three didn't say they wanted to throw a shower I probably wouldn't have ended up having one...but not because I think it's tacky...I just wouldn't know where to start with the planning. We have no problem buying the baby stuff ourselves...but for people who don't have the resources to buy all of it themselves, and no one who wants to throw a shower...go for it. Be TACKY! haha I am certainly not going to get all riled up about it.
First of I am ashamed to read some of the comments left behind. I recently became pregnant and joined the Bump looking for support, advice and a general sense of comradery among other women and mothers, but I must say, juding by the replies to the post here, this is the wrong place for me.
As women in general caddiness is a way of life it seems, but here its shouted at the roof tops. You ladies who have done a fine job of posting your negative feedback have laid out a path for bad karma for yourselves. As mothers, we will teach our chilren that if you cannot say anything nice, you should not say anything at all. Apparently, thats not the case in the prior replies.
No one should judge anyone on ethics, morals or the properness of baby showers! More over, good for her - she wants her shower her way, so be it! You're not going to be there, so why do you care? What Marie said certainly did not warrant ANY of the terrible comments below.
And as far as asking for "gifts" for her shower and how inappropirate that is, I supposed none of you key-board gangsters registered for your baby shower - because correct me if I am wrong - isnt that basiclly telling your guests what to buy for you? Just saying......
No one is judging ethics or morals, we are judging etiquette, that's what this board is for. FYI, I didn't register nor did I have a baby shower...
As mothers, we should also teach our children manners. Claiming to celebrate them by being a greedy momzilla is hardly a good jumping off point, wouldn't you agree?
And since my karma is shot to sh!t according to you anyway, it's cattiness not caddiness. If you are going to try to lecture, at least spell things properly.
lol, personally I loved "Key-board gangster".
Little Man (4 years old---holy cow) He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
My best friend, my sister and my mom I'm sure are going to throw my baby shower, as they did for my wedding shower. They all wanted the wedding shower to be a surprise, but I want to help them plan the baby shower. I was swamped with wedding details and wouldn't have been in the frame of mind to help them. While I appreciate them putting all the time, energy and money into it, I will at least offer to help them with setting it up and planning it. They will still throw it, but I'll help them with getting it ready. (Or I would like to. Whether they'll let me is another story! lol)
First of I am ashamed to read some of the comments left behind. I recently became pregnant and joined the Bump looking for support, advice and a general sense of comradery among other women and mothers, but I must say, juding by the replies to the post here, this is the wrong place for me.
As women in general caddiness is a way of life it seems, but here its shouted at the roof tops. You ladies who have done a fine job of posting your negative feedback have laid out a path for bad karma for yourselves. As mothers, we will teach our chilren that if you cannot say anything nice, you should not say anything at all. Apparently, thats not the case in the prior replies.
No one should judge anyone on ethics, morals or the properness of baby showers! More over, good for her - she wants her shower her way, so be it! You're not going to be there, so why do you care? What Marie said certainly did not warrant ANY of the terrible comments below.
And as far as asking for "gifts" for her shower and how inappropirate that is, I supposed none of you key-board gangsters registered for your baby shower - because correct me if I am wrong - isnt that basiclly telling your guests what to buy for you? Just saying......
No one is judging ethics or morals, we are judging etiquette, that's what this board is for. FYI, I didn't register nor did I have a baby shower...
As mothers, we should also teach our children manners. Claiming to celebrate them by being a greedy momzilla is hardly a good jumping off point, wouldn't you agree?
And since my karma is shot to sh!t according to you anyway, it's cattiness not caddiness. If you are going to try to lecture, at least spell things properly.
Agree, we're here for support, can't stand all the haters here..chillaxx, yes I know it's not proper spelling, genius, but really badgering one on spelling?? u have waaayyyyyyyyy to much TIME on your hands.
Agree, we're here for support, can't stand all the haters here..chillaxx, yes I know it's not proper spelling, genius, but really badgering one on spelling?? u have waaayyyyyyyyy to much TIME on your hands.
So says the person who just responded to and bumped up a thread that has been dead for the last 2 months
Re: so... i'm tacky
Several people can pool their resources and host the shower together. Who ever said only one person is allowed to host? There is only one person who isn't allowed to host... the MTB. If no one actually offers to host, then you are correct, you don't have one. And, if the host asks for your input on things, you are allowed to give it... it is only rude if you tell them what you want without them asking.
What I am confused about is what is the "host" supposed to do. Does one of my friends have to use the word "host" to make it okay? If three people are all helping equally financially but it is held at my mother's home who is not helping to pay for it but I am playing coordinator for the moving parts (and my friends' request for simplicity,) does that mean it has no official host and therefore I am hosting it and it is tacky? Is the host just whomever is put down as the person you RSVP to?
Host: Plans, co-ordinates, officially invites, pays for and runs the show day of. Multiple people can come together to plan, co-ordinate, invite, pay for and run the show. The only person who isn't supposed to host is the mom to be.
If you are planning it, coordinating, inviting, paying for and running the show, you're hosting. I can host a shower at someone else's house (although that's pretty rare) and still be the host. I can have 5 friends all chip in and help pay, but I'm doing the planning, inviting and running of the shower....technically we're all hosting, but since it's better to have one go-to person to make final decisions, collect rsvps, etc.
This isn't that hard of a concept. Showers themselves are gifts. If you're buying your own gift, it's tacky. If you're dictating to your friend what exactly to buy and what box to put it in and what color paper to wrap it in and what card to use and what pen to use and you carry your own present to give to yourself---don't you see how this is tacky?
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
If I walked up and told them all exactly what they needed to do an how to do it, yes, I would absolutely see what is tacky. Each person has volunteered something, one is home and cake and will run the shower itself, a second invitations and rsvp, a third is food, and fourth for anything else that might be needed. I guess at the end of the day I would be the one to talk to my MIL so I guess I am the host by the standards of "coordinating" but I am not doing the inviting or paying for or running of the shower...
So am I supposed to go back to these people and say "I'm sorry, but since you didn't offer to host it, we are can't have one." That seems awfully rude and tacky too. And rather selfish to make things difficult on my friends and family when they don't need to be... I see no way that telling them "no shower" all of a sudden now would make things simpler either.
So you are telling them how to spend their money on you. Don't you see how that is wrong?
It's food and some balloons... why is that so difficult?
And if you were really a "good friend" and "with bells on excited", you'd host the shower.
Fixing a car and making lattes are job skills that not everyone needs to have.
Etiquette is about how to live in a community of people without offending people and causing discord. That's why etiquette basics are essential for everyone.
And if you really knew "what baby shower etiquette entails", you would've told your friends "I haven't heard anything about a shower, but if someone offers to host can I put them in touch with you?"
So by them volunteering to bring something, I am telling them how to spend their money?
I don't even want balloons. "Why is that so difficult?" That is my point. Why do I need a specific "host" to retell my friends what we need (they already know we need finger foods because the shower can only be from 2-4pm due to my work hour, i don't want decorations, I already have invitations, etc.) which are all things they know by being friends with me, not me dictating. I don't care what food they get, I don't care what day they pick as long as it is okay with my mother, we don't need decorations...Where is the telling them how to spend their money?
When I never had a shower since these are my only close friends, they would have been extremely hurt that what they offered was "not good enough" by random etiquette and that due to their work schedules, I can't have a shower at all. they already knew that my mother offered her home for one so they offered to bring finger foods (one) and take care of invitations (other) at the same time. "Thanks, but since you are having a hard time finding a job and graduated school with crushing debt and are working two minimum wages jobs so you can eat and now don't have the time to play "host", I can't have a baby shower" would totally make my good friends feel better than me helping coordinate because they asked me to. Excellent idea!
Some people SERIOUSLY do not even know how to invite people, make food, done....
My host is Russian. She is about 10 years younger than me and has never been to a baby shower and doesnt plan things..a week before my shower (it was last week) she had NO IDEA what to do..I would get random texts like...
" I think there are 30 people..how many bottles of soda should I buy? If I get a cake what should I slice it with? Nobody is rsvping, what should I do? Where do I get supplies to hold hot food? where do I get the prizes for games and how much should I spend..yada yada yada"
So for some people it isn't easy..they just aren't detail oriented or know....luckily my mom helped and it was fabulous. They both did an amazing job. I will have to post photos.
I also thought they were hosting! I don't even agree with hosting your own for the most part, and never tried to say a person should; I was just responding to another girl (not the OP) about helping plan and how that is our "tacky" thing. Somehow it ended up so that people were saying that I was hosting and my friends were crappy people so I kept replying...It seemed to have run away and ended up somewhere else.
The entirety of what I was trying to say was that while I have friends who are "hosting" I am helping more than some people would consider appropriate and would say it is tacky, but in my situation it made things easier for my friends so it seemed like the right choice for us, but it didn't come out that way. Sorry!
Ok, there really is no other way to say this so I'm going to just spit it out. Your friend sounds like an idiot. I don't think it has anything to do with being Russian. I know for a fact that people in Russia host parties and if she can't say to herself, "I invited people and no one is telling me if they are going to come. Perhaps I should call them to see if they are coming." You kept using the fact that she is Russian and Baby Showers aren't so popular there so you needed to run the show because she had no clue what was going on. It sounds like your friend just doesn't know how to plan a party PERIOD.
This is the point where I'd say "you know what, my mom/sister/aunt/cousin (whoever) is super excited about the shower and keeps bugging me and asking if you need any help. Will you do me a big big favor and find something for them to help with? I know they'd love to be a part of this whole thing!" I'm sorry but there is zero reason, imo, that the m2b needs to do anything more than provide the guest list, answer simple questions (such as "do you want chocolate cake or white?") and show up for the shower. Using your friends social ineptitude as an excuse to plan your own shower doesn't cut it in my book.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
Where on Earth does she say that she used it as an excuse to plan her shower? She said that her mother helped. Or are you now trying to insinuate that she actually used her mother as a front of propriety so that she could actually do it all herself?
Where on Earth does she say that she used it as an excuse to plan her shower? She said that her mother helped. Or are you now trying to insinuate that she actually used her mother as a front of propriety so that she could actually do it all herself?
Sorry, I'm using the background knowledge from her previous posts talking about different things she worked on. From this post alone, you don't have that information.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
lol..this board is so funny...did I use my mother as a 'front' to plan my shower? Um no..she helped because all of you 'ladies' or lack of a better 'B' word..said this and that about me..so she helped..being 2000 miles away.
I just state where my host if from so that you understand that not everyone is like you, or us, in America, and is into party planning. My friend is very intelligent and just passed her BAR exam..it is just that sometimes, she doesn't have basic, common sense, knowledge of things we do here.
For instance, she had never bought coffee in her life..she told me before the shower..I told her to just get a mild roast to help me stay awake during my 8 hour shindig..so today I go to make some left over coffee..it is DECAF! I text her..she had no clue and said again that she has never bought coffee...
So do not insult me or my host because you think we have these crazy motives to plan my own shower..it is ridiculous! Be nice now.
Oh, for fvck's sake... could this get any more ridiculous?! Is buying coffee an American thing? Russians don't drink coffee? You do realize that at some point in every single person's life, they have to do something for the first time ever.
I can see this, honestly...and the whole tacky question about asking for gifts is exactly why registries bother me. I can see how they are helpful, but for me when I was asked to do this (by guests invited to my shower that I'm not throwing myself or helping out in) it smacked of asking for handouts - worse, specific handouts. Yet, registries are almost universally expected and ok'd in today's society...where I don't think they were prior to the internet age (or rather, they weren't as common as they are now).
Seriously? Yes, they have coffee in Russia... I am beyond speechless.
lifes to short ...
so what give you self a party...if it makes u feel better put ur mom as the host.. u can do what you want to do...have a great party..hope you get good gifts..
First of I am ashamed to read some of the comments left behind. I recently became pregnant and joined the Bump looking for support, advice and a general sense of comradery among other women and mothers, but I must say, juding by the replies to the post here, this is the wrong place for me.
As women in general caddiness is a way of life it seems, but here its shouted at the roof tops. You ladies who have done a fine job of posting your negative feedback have laid out a path for bad karma for yourselves. As mothers, we will teach our chilren that if you cannot say anything nice, you should not say anything at all. Apparently, thats not the case in the prior replies.
No one should judge anyone on ethics, morals or the properness of baby showers! More over, good for her - she wants her shower her way, so be it! You're not going to be there, so why do you care? What Marie said certainly did not warrant ANY of the terrible comments below.
And as far as asking for "gifts" for her shower and how inappropirate that is, I supposed none of you key-board gangsters registered for your baby shower - because correct me if I am wrong - isnt that basiclly telling your guests what to buy for you? Just saying......
No one is judging ethics or morals, we are judging etiquette, that's what this board is for. FYI, I didn't register nor did I have a baby shower...
As mothers, we should also teach our children manners. Claiming to celebrate them by being a greedy momzilla is hardly a good jumping off point, wouldn't you agree?
And since my karma is shot to sh!t according to you anyway, it's cattiness not caddiness. If you are going to try to lecture, at least spell things properly.
lol, personally I loved "Key-board gangster".
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
Agree, we're here for support, can't stand all the haters here..chillaxx, yes I know it's not proper spelling, genius, but really badgering one on spelling?? u have waaayyyyyyyyy to much TIME on your hands.
So says the person who just responded to and bumped up a thread that has been dead for the last 2 months