Totally lost my mind after one too many "just you waits"

kwinkle1980

DH has been getting a steady relay of calls from his relatives. They are a nutty bunch that live in the woods in the midwest and hoard firearms and yogurt containers. They call and call and call, and tell us not to vaccinate/what to name the kid/not to get a birth certificate/not to let the government know the kid exists, etc. Well, these calls also tend to have a lot of just you wait/having a kid sucks/you'll never have fun again type comments.

Yesterday, after 2 solid weeks of these calls and a million "just you wait" coments from coworkers, DH's mom called to ciriticize my decision not to take a birthing class, to criticize my name choice, and to talk about how crappy parenting is. I totally lost it and said to DH "I guess we'll just put the baby up for adoption then." DH got off the phone in a jiffy while I sobbed like a maniac. Of course I didn't mean that at all, I was just fed up and being sarcastic.

I am SO tired of the negative comments. I can't stand to hear it, especially after heaing the news that an old childhood friend's wife murdered their baby due to PPD. I see no good reason to load a new mom up with negativity.

Perhaps I overreacted, but I had had enough!

LIvie Dean

Wow. I'm sorry you and your H have this probably. I would have gotten just as mad. I don't know if I would have said tht to my MIL but definetly let my H know how aggravated I was. Is she usually that out spoken and rude to you?

MesmrEwe

Ugh!!!  While the gun collection is completely separate from the rest of the nutjob factor (I know a lot of people with a lot of guns that are completely down to earth and NORMAL!)..  Heck, I grew up with a gun shop attached to our house and a shooting range in the back yard...  There's a big difference between gun ownership and nutjobs!

That said, we all have our breaking points when enough is freak'n ENOUGH with some people.  At some point these people need to be put in their places and told to think with their brains for once.  Also, with your next PG, I hope that you decide to NOT tell a soul what the baby's name is until he/she arrives!  You'll avoid all the unwanted feedback that everyone seems to give.  Yes, you'll still get the WTF looks if you choose something that no one has ever heard of before or spelled so cockeyed that the kid will never have anything with their name on it, but in that case it's to be expected... 

Just chill out and lay low from these people for a while.  If they try to give you the unsolicited advice "I'll take that under advisement" and change the subject to something less than gloreous about pregnancy, a discussion of constipation or it's equal opposite comes to mind...

kwinkle1980

MesmrEwe:

Ugh!!!  While the gun collection is completely separate from the rest of the nutjob factor (I know a lot of people with a lot of guns that are completely down to earth and NORMAL!)..  Heck, I grew up with a gun shop attached to our house and a shooting range in the back yard...  There's a big difference between gun ownership and nutjobs!

That said, we all have our breaking points when enough is freak'n ENOUGH with some people.  At some point these people need to be put in their places and told to think with their brains for once.  Also, with your next PG, I hope that you decide to NOT tell a soul what the baby's name is until he/she arrives!  You'll avoid all the unwanted feedback that everyone seems to give.  Yes, you'll still get the WTF looks if you choose something that no one has ever heard of before or spelled so cockeyed that the kid will never have anything with their name on it, but in that case it's to be expected... 

Just chill out and lay low from these people for a while.  If they try to give you the unsolicited advice "I'll take that under advisement" and change the subject to something less than gloreous about pregnancy, a discussion of constipation or it's equal opposite comes to mind...

I agree, there are gun collectors and then there are jutjobs. These are nutjobs. They believe in an upcoming zombie apocolypse.

I am totally hormonal and a nutjob myself right now.

kylayton

kwinkle1980:

I am SO tired of the negative comments. I can't stand to hear it, especially after heaing the news that an old childhood friend's wife murdered their baby due to PPD. I see no good reason to load a new mom up with negativity.

Perhaps I overreacted, but I had had enough!

Wow. That is so terrible.  

I agree with you...people should build new moms up and encourage them.  Not try to depress them/scare the crap out of them.  

Frueh

I understand completely!!  I have (on several occasions) typed responses to comments people have made to me on Facebook, then deleted and retyped, and then tried to say it nicer, and then deleted when I realized it was still rude.

Seriously though, if I make a comment about not being able to sleep all that well, what I need is support.  I do NOT need idiot remarks like "get used to it" or "it will be years before you get sleep."

Whatever, these people don't know.  Some babies do actually sleep through the night before two years. My mom wouldn't have survived if I wasn't one of those babies, LOL.

I also really hate that people think that just because my belly sticks out that it's ok to just touch it!  I am not one of those people into touching and I like my personal space so don't just come up to me and touch my stomach like touching people's stomachs is something you just do to anyone anywhere.

ChavayJakov

The other day I was asked by a man who has been hired as our handy-man (finishing up projects around the house that we just did not get to in time and no longer have the time/ability to do) if I was getting a lot of pregnancy advice as I'm 8 months along.  I told him that I'm not getting a lot of that, but seem to be attracting only the horror stories of L&D.  Well, since then, this well meaning guy has been giving me tips (he has a 2 1/2 yo and apparently is passing along everything he picked up, LOL) and even buying "better" cleaning products, et cetera.  Even brought over a baby gate they no longer use.  While I've taken some of the cleaning product things with a grain of salt (I'm 8 months, so I'm not cleaning as steadily as I once did), he hasn't given any negative childrearing or child delivery comments.

However, all my other pregnancies were inundated with "just you wait" type comments...and I literally felt that it was happening so much that it was sorta almost like cursing me/my child to the inevitable "just you wait" predictions.  On this side of the fence (my youngest is 20...this pregnancy really is like starting a second family) I can say that some of those predictions were positively on the dot right.  Now, I say that because those same people making some of the harsher and/or more negative comments, who may have thought they were tongue-in-cheek funny, actually contributed to some of the issues later on.  (Like the comment about having a kid sucks?  Yea...that was my *mom* telling me that.)  

And having the baby won't end those comments.  You'll get it now and again the first few years of their lives, as in "wait until they are teenagers" whether you are telling a good or a negative reflection.  

Look, just know that a lot of those comments are from clueless individuals and sometimes even from well meaning people - people who are anti vacine, live off the grid, are really tied up in thinking that that is the best, most safest way.  People who think that bottle feeding is horrible, really want to pass on info that might make you "click" to their understanding.  When handing out name choices, people think that they are being invited to a super exclusive circle where they give input.  Some who remember child-birthing as something really difficult might think that things would have gone so much smoother with classes and want you to consider their been-their-done-that wisdom not understanding that every birth and woman is different.  Some of these things you can avoid by just not offering information... some just can't be.  Personally, I know your comment about putting the child up for adoption was an emotional response...but I think it is actually a pretty snappy quip to give when people start reflecting awfully.  I think challenging them with "really, you can think of nothing good about raising your child?" is another thing.