Babies: 3 - 6 Months

Friend had baby-Vent

So our friends had a baby last night. She came at 28 weeks because Mom had preclampsia and they were afraid of her having a seizure. So scary!

My vent is that everyone is on facebook talking about how excited they are and saying congratulations etc. I just feel like you shouldn't be excited that a baby is 12 weeks early. Be happy everyone is healthy absolutly but excited? No, not until the day she gets to home. I'm don't want to say anything bacause I do not want to be a downer I realize maybe they are just trying to keep positive. It just really irks me that nobody seems at all concerned for the well being of baby and Momma.

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Re: Friend had baby-Vent

  • imageerika1677:

    So our friends had a baby last night. She came at 28 weeks because Mom had preclampsia and they were afraid of her having a seizure. So scary!

    My vent is that everyone is on facebook talking about how excited they are and saying congratulations etc. I just feel like you shouldn't be excited that a baby is 12 weeks early. Be happy everyone is healthy absolutly but excited? No, not until the day she gets to home. I'm don't want to say anything bacause I do not want to be a downer I realize maybe they are just trying to keep positive. It just really irks me that nobody seems at all concerned for the well being of baby and Momma.

    As a preemie momma, I'd be devastated if no one said congratulations on the birth of my baby. 

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  • imageerika1677:

    So our friends had a baby last night. She came at 28 weeks because Mom had preclampsia and they were afraid of her having a seizure. So scary!

    My vent is that everyone is on facebook talking about how excited they are and saying congratulations etc. I just feel like you shouldn't be excited that a baby is 12 weeks early. Be happy everyone is healthy absolutly but excited? No, not until the day she gets to home. I'm don't want to say anything bacause I do not want to be a downer I realize maybe they are just trying to keep positive. It just really irks me that nobody seems at all concerned for the well being of baby and Momma.

    As a preemie momma, I'd be devastated if no one said congratulations on the birth of my baby. 

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  • imageerika1677:

    So our friends had a baby last night. She came at 28 weeks because Mom had preclampsia and they were afraid of her having a seizure. So scary!

    My vent is that everyone is on facebook talking about how excited they are and saying congratulations etc. I just feel like you shouldn't be excited that a baby is 12 weeks early. Be happy everyone is healthy absolutly but excited? No, not until the day she gets to home. I'm don't want to say anything bacause I do not want to be a downer I realize maybe they are just trying to keep positive. It just really irks me that nobody seems at all concerned for the well being of baby and Momma.

    Just because they aren't splashing it all over facebook doesn't mean they aren't concerned for the well being of the mom and baby. Preemie moms deserve congratulations just like anyone else does, IMO. I think you're reading into it too much.

    Maybe I'm just jaded, though, because a good friend gave birth to a still born this morning.

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  • Not like people shouldn't say congrats just not things like "I'm so excited" and "I can't wait".... just doesn't seem right to me.
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  • I think, like someone else said, you're reading too much into it.  I think it goes without saying that people are hoping mom and baby are healthy but isn't having a baby something to be happy and excited about?  They're being glass half full people and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.  I don't think a new mom, who knows all the challenges she'll face, needs to have her loved ones make a point of reminding her of it on FB, you know?  She wants happy thoughts :)
    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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  • imagejessicaclare:
    imageerika1677:

    So our friends had a baby last night. She came at 28 weeks because Mom had preclampsia and they were afraid of her having a seizure. So scary!

    My vent is that everyone is on facebook talking about how excited they are and saying congratulations etc. I just feel like you shouldn't be excited that a baby is 12 weeks early. Be happy everyone is healthy absolutly but excited? No, not until the day she gets to home. I'm don't want to say anything bacause I do not want to be a downer I realize maybe they are just trying to keep positive. It just really irks me that nobody seems at all concerned for the well being of baby and Momma.

    Just because they aren't splashing it all over facebook doesn't mean they aren't concerned for the well being of the mom and baby. Preemie moms deserve congratulations just like anyone else does, IMO. I think you're reading into it too much.

    Maybe I'm just jaded, though, because a good friend gave birth to a still born this morning.

    That awful! So very sorry for your friend!

    I don't think they are thinking about the fact that she is so early. People that are say that they are happy everyone is healthy and happy etc.

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  • I think you are reading too much into it.

    As a nicu nurse, it's very important to acknowledge the birth of a baby, no matter whether the child was born 3 weeks or 16 weeks early.  There's no problem with being excited about a birth, even one that is super early and super tiny.  A birth is a celebration.  Every delivery I attend as a nurse is a celebration of life, even premature deliveries.

    People may not be expressing their concern over health and well being so not to scare the parents.  I'm sure they are scared enough without everyone asking if the baby is okay or if the baby will survive.

    Let it be.  Congratulate them and support them in any way that they need.  They will be needing a lot of support as it will be a long and troublesome journey in the nicu, but in the end they will have a healthy baby that goes home, but that's hard for them to see at this stage of the game.

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  • I guess I'm not making myself clear. I do not think that people shouldn't say congratulations or acknowledge that she was born or that people should be asking if she will survive. Last night before the baby came I do not think people should of saying how excited they were that she was coming. It is a blessed event but wait until she arrived and had a clean bill of health.

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  • I think you're being clear enough. And I understand what  you mean by the "excited" comments. It's a scary thing not an exciting thing. However, people are not going to say "oh no!" because at that point there's nothing the parents can do, the baby is coming. So the best response people can have, especially on a public forum like facebook, is to say they are excited for the birth of the new baby. Of course everyone is hoping baby and mama both get a clean bill of health. In the meantime it would be super sucky for the new parents to get no comments or reserved comments, it's good that their friends can make it feel as normal as possible for them and give their support in that way.
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  • imagekitkat145:
    imageerika1677:

    So our friends had a baby last night. She came at 28 weeks because Mom had preclampsia and they were afraid of her having a seizure. So scary!

    My vent is that everyone is on facebook talking about how excited they are and saying congratulations etc. I just feel like you shouldn't be excited that a baby is 12 weeks early. Be happy everyone is healthy absolutly but excited? No, not until the day she gets to home. I'm don't want to say anything bacause I do not want to be a downer I realize maybe they are just trying to keep positive. It just really irks me that nobody seems at all concerned for the well being of baby and Momma.

    As a preemie momma, I'd be devastated if no one said congratulations on the birth of my baby. 

    Same for me. If it was all gloom and doom that would make me feel even worse. Congratulations and encouragement are needed most at this time in her life. Don't take that from her, especially if you have never been there.   

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  • imageerika1677:

    I guess I'm not making myself clear. I do not think that people shouldn't say congratulations or acknowledge that she was born or that people should be asking if she will survive. Last night before the baby came I do not think people should of saying how excited they were that she was coming. It is a blessed event but wait until she arrived and had a clean bill of health.

    I'm not trying to be rude but you are not helping your case.  Coming from a mom of a preemie, I think you need to take a step back and remove yourself from this situation. 

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  • I think the other preemie moms have already given you good information about the importance of celebrating every birth, even the scary early ones.

    I just wanted to point you to the "My friend just had a preemie" link in my siggy. It includes a list of ways you can help and a list of statements that are hurtful and helpful for preemie moms. Maybe you can use it to organize some support for your friend.

  • What should they write "oh crap, that sucks!" I mean, they're still happy a new life is in the world and is alive, right?

    I'm sure the mom and dad are happy to see everyone happy for them, concerned sure but happy too!

  • imageerika1677:

    I guess I'm not making myself clear. I do not think that people shouldn't say congratulations or acknowledge that she was born or that people should be asking if she will survive. Last night before the baby came I do not think people should of saying how excited they were that she was coming. It is a blessed event but wait until she arrived and had a clean bill of health.

    It's pretty clear that you have not had to go through what your friend is dealing with. Try and be a bit more sensative.

     

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  • imagekck329:

    I think the other preemie moms have already given you good information about the importance of celebrating every birth, even the scary early ones.

    I just wanted to point you to the "My friend just had a preemie" link in my siggy. It includes a list of ways you can help and a list of statements that are hurtful and helpful for preemie moms. Maybe you can use it to organize some support for your friend.

    Yes

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  • imageerika1677:

    I guess I'm not making myself clear. I do not think that people shouldn't say congratulations or acknowledge that she was born or that people should be asking if she will survive. Last night before the baby came I do not think people should of saying how excited they were that she was coming. It is a blessed event but wait until she arrived and had a clean bill of health.

    It's pretty clear that you have not had to go through what your friend is dealing with. Try and be a bit more sensative.

     

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  • Wow I didn't think I was being insensitive at all. I am not trying to take anything from them. I think you should say I'm thinking of you guys, keep us updated, sending good vibes your way, good luck etc. I do not think you should say "I'm so excited!" when you don't know if everyone is going to be alright. To me that seemed insensitive. Now today we know that everyone is doing great and now is the time to be excited. 

     Eh whatever. This was simply a pre coffee thought about what in the long run was a FEW posts that didn't seem appropriate prior to knowing the outcome.

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  • imageerika1677:

    I do not think you should say "I'm so excited!" when you don't know if everyone is going to be alright. To me that seemed insensitive. Now today we know that everyone is doing great and now is the time to be excited.

    What if everything didn't or doesn't turn out peachy? What if her LO has long term issues. Would you not congratulate her?  

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  • imagekitkat145:

    imageerika1677:

    I do not think you should say "I'm so excited!" when you don't know if everyone is going to be alright. To me that seemed insensitive. Now today we know that everyone is doing great and now is the time to be excited.

    What if everything didn't or doesn't turn out peachy? What if her LO has long term issues. Would you not congratulate her?  

    Well, Of course I would but if there was a serious problem with her or baby's health saying you'e excited for her sounds rather stupid and thoughtless.

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  • wow, i find your post to be pretty cold.

    it's not like they chose to have a baby that early. it's still a baby and the parents probably cling to any hope and positivity to get them through such a difficult time. so are you saying it doesn't even count until she is home and baby is okay?

    i really hope you dont say this to your friend because it's so hurtful and heartless for you to say it that way. i just think you would look at it differently if it happened to you. instead of being so negative, you should be there for your friend.

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  • You're right. It just makes so much more sense to get on her page and make sure she realizes how many potential issues her baby faces and that this is a horrible crisis. People who congratulate her are so ignorant...hopefully nobody will be dumb enough to send her cards or balloons. *sigh*

    I  would be very surprised if the people on her wall didn't realize that delivering at 28 weeks isn't ideal. They are just trying to supprt her in the best way they know how and EVERY new life should be celebrated. You need to chill and recognize that your behavior isn't helpful.

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  • imageEmilyVReese80:
    imageerika1677:

    I guess I'm not making myself clear. I do not think that people shouldn't say congratulations or acknowledge that she was born or that people should be asking if she will survive. Last night before the baby came I do not think people should of saying how excited they were that she was coming. It is a blessed event but wait until she arrived and had a clean bill of health.

    What else would you say?? If the baby is coming, the baby is coming...it's not like they CHOSE to have her at 28wks for the fun of it. [:/]

    Yes

    I'll chime in with the other preemie moms.  As a mother of 28 weekers I can tell you that I was fully aware of the the potential problems we could face and the long road of the NICU ahead of us.  I'm sure she has talked to the medical staff caring for her baby about what to expect, she doesn't need friends and family giving her doom and gloom during this very sensitive time.  It IS okay to be excited about the birth even though premature.  We all know nobody chooses that.  Believe it or not, in my case we were relieved to have made it to 28 weeks! 

  • imageerika1677:
    that didn't seem appropriate prior to knowing the outcome.

    Blech, you are still being a butt head. Do you think people posting posting "I hope your baby can breathe on it's own" "I hope your baby doesn't get NEC" "I hope your baby doesn't have to have their NG tube long"

    Seriously, the mom knows how bad it sucks.  She doesn't need a bunch of other people reminding her of her sucky ass situation.  I am infinitely grateful for the people who treated me like a new mom when my baby was born at 32 weeks.  

    To be a good friend, check out this link instead of being judgmental of all the friends who are doing THE RIGHT THING!

    https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/57873058.aspx

    Born at 31w3d due to severe IUGR & Placental Insufficiency--2lbs 3ounces
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