Need help, advice, perspective after 8 years of reading ttc posts

Onepercent

Hello everyone. I've been ttc for more than 8 years. I'm now 35yo. I'm healthy, have a normal 28-29 day cycle, slightly overweight 30lbs, history of minimal endometriosis. 3 surgeries. 1st surgery cleared minimal endo. 2nd surgery 5 years later, confirmed old inactive endo, tubes clear. 3rd surgery 2 years later, colon, bladder, left ovary and uterus all banded together with scar tissue, Dr. removed and  minimal endo removed and solution left in tummy to avoid further scar tissue developing. Each surgery came back as nothing holding me back from pregnancy. Today: feel great! no cramps and old endo pain has been gone last 2 years! Gas and constipation and ab problems I had from adhesions are all gone! Accupuncture last 2 years every week - two weeks. Covered by insurance(Netherlands).

2006: Post Coital test#1 : Inconclusive: no live sperm, cm below average4

Post Coital test #2: Inconclusive: no live sperm, cm average 

 2006 Sperm test: Husband couldn't have been happier that his sperms were excellent, in the millions with good motility

2006: IUI/ no Clomid 6X: BFN (always had a normal ovulation folicle).

 1st IVF Jan 2007: Long lupron protocol: Good responder, 21 Folicles, 14 Eggs retrieved, 11 Viable eggs, 1 fertilized 5 Cell transfered on day 3. BFN

2nd IVF/ ICSI this time, March 2007: 14 Folicles, 11 Eggs retrieved, 7 viable eggs, 1 fertilized 5 Cell transfered on day 3. BFN

Infertility result: Inconclusive (Unknown). I HATE THIS LABEL!

2009: regular OBGYN reviewed records, gave 1 percent chance of ever concieving naturally. I was grateful someone was finally brave enough to give an opinion! IVF clinic didn't!

Nov 2009: Changed Fertility Clinic & Started acupunture: Protocol change: Flare protocol: 11 Follies = NO MATURE EGGS! heartbroken. 

Nov 2010 - Now: approved as foster parents but I put the breaks on myself because as much as I tried to accept not having children, it threw me into a depression trying to do so.I'm not ready to foster. I quit my high stress job. I took a job that is part-time and pays next to nothing sorting post, but it makes me happy and I am relaxed and in an extremely positive environment. I feel great!

*We also decided fostering would be better than adopting. After following an adoption program here and many hours listening to the voices of angry adoptees, through my heart and prayers I knew this would not be the right way to go for us.*

So, with all this feeling good and positivity around me, I ordered preseed and we just had BD fun last month! Took Clearblue test 4 day before AF and BFN. I took 2nd Clearblue next day and I could just barely make out a line. Woke DH up at 2:00 AM and he couldn't see it, but could see it in the daylight. Took second Clearblue test 1 day later, faint line. Husband again couldn't see it until daylight (but I could!) Read about false positives with blue dye tests and retested with pink day later BFN. Dr. also tested and BFN. My husband got different tests and BFN!!! Today, CD 31, started spotting brown muddy/ pudding like blood. Flow still light, but pink now. I've had this happen so many times I can't count. AF is here.

You would think I would be heartbroken, but I'm not. I only started crying when I started googling "immature eggs with IVF" wondering if I should go there again.

I know this post is long, but I've NEVER posted about my situation until today. Now I feel I need support more than ever. With counceling, I understand that this need I have can't be ignored and I need to do whatever it will take to get a + ! Or at least and answer.

I'm thinking about doing IUI again but with clomid this time (maybe that will help immature eggs?) 

Neither clinic ever did bloods while monitoring folicles. They only measured for size. 

 I would love to hear what anyone thinks of my situation and any advice anyone can offer. I'm so confused. I don't know what to do but there is one thing for certain: I remember the story in the bible that Jesus fed the 5000 with 5 pieces of bread and 2 fish. I figure, if he can do that, there's no telling what he can do with 1%!

Thanks so much to anyone who responds and I wish all of you tons and tons of baby dust!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jenn

Ginger71

I have no idea what to say about the treatment. I have been given encouragement through all of my cycles at 4 diff clinics...I look fine on paper but as much as this is a science, it's not exact and I don't have a baby after 4 years.

You have to decide what you are willing to put up with. After 7 IVFs with a few m/c, I have had enough and my H and I are pursuing adoption. IVF is a numbers game. If I had unlimited resources and time I could probably get pg but I don't. Listen to your heart and good luck.

lovemymonkey

First of all, welcome! Sorry to hear that you have had such a long and lonely journey. (((((hugs))))

A couple of things stood out to me when I read your history. First, based on the results (no live sperm) of your two post-coital tests, did your doctor ever consider you might have hostile CM? Obviously IUI and IVF will circumvent this issue, but if you were trying on your own, it would be an issue.

Secondly, is there a reason why you did single embryo transfers for your two IVFs? You responded well to your first two IVFs and you mention having numerous viable embryos, so I was curious as to why only one was transferred each time. Is this standard protocol in the Netherlands?