December 2011 Moms

Haleymay18's post has me a little scared.

Is having an "outside" baby really all that bad?  Someone even told me a couple days ago that "it's a lot easier to take care of baby when he's in your belly".  Nausea, cramping, exhaustion, lack of oxygen, my whole body aching all over, dealing with GD etc. is easier?!  I'm not a fan of being pregnant and, compared to some of these ladies on this board, I guess I have it pretty easy.  I just can't imagine having any other feelings about motherhood than pure joy and excitement to meet my son.  But maybe it's just because I've never experienced motherhood before?

Re: Haleymay18's post has me a little scared.

  • LOL - don't worry, she's right!  A baby in the belly is FAR easier to take care of than a LO on the outside!  They don't talk back, their kicks don't hurt nearly as much, there's not as much guess-work...  It's also a complete stranger with their own unique personality and ability to play on your very last nerve at times as they age. 

    While I love DD, it took us a solid year to "bond"...  It doesn't happen like in the movies where baby pops out, your hair and makeup look perfect, baby smiles, sunshine & rainbows and you're bonded for most women.  There's a life metaphor to cutting the cord - you're on your own!!!  Even TLC isn't even reasonable to expect a lot of times!  The thing is, you'll get the hang of it in time like L&D the best thing to do is go into it without any preconceived notions of what parenting will be like other than discuss some of the key things like supporting you/SO's position when it comes to disciplining no matter how much you may disagree with it (as long as it doesn't cross the BIG lines)..  Each child is different and what works for one child may not work for another so you need to be flexible from the start. 

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  • Yes, carrying a baby is probably much easier than raising one.  I know it will be hard, but if I wasn't ready to accept that, I wouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place.  Of course it will be a challenge, but the best things in life seldom come easy.
  • I don't think she meant to scare anyone, but the truth is that having a baby is the greatest and hardest thing you will ever do.  It is definitely easier to take care of a baby when it's still in your belly.  Once the baby comes, the lack of sleep is definitely hard to deal with...put BF issues on top of that (which most women will have in the beginning) and it's enough to make any woman cry (which you will also do a lot of).  The good part is that with all the bad comes a TON of good...in the form of that little baby who you can't imagine life without.  Those first months will fly by and before you know it, things will get a lot easier...but it will suck pretty bad for a little while.

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  • imageiluvmylab:
    Yes, carrying a baby is probably much easier than raising one.  I know it will be hard, but if I wasn't ready to accept that, I wouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place.  Of course it will be a challenge, but the best things in life seldom come easy.

    I agree :) I would have never gotten pregnant if I were not at least somewhat mentally prepared for the work.

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  • Yes it is really that bad.

    Or it was for me.

    It is also pretty great but the great came a little later for me.

    I didn't mean to scare anyone but I am definitely better at being pregnant than being a mom in the first two weeks of the babies life. Actually the first year of a babies life :).

    And you will lose your hair,  have a hormonal roller coaster where you laugh & cry at the same things throughout the day, be sleep deprived, etc.

    But when you hold your lo to your chest, you will forget every thing you hate about that stage.

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    My baby is two!!! Baby girl 9/17/09

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  • imageiluvmylab:
    Yes, carrying a baby is probably much easier than raising one.  I know it will be hard, but if I wasn't ready to accept that, I wouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place.  Of course it will be a challenge, but the best things in life seldom come easy.

    Oh I'm not doubting in the least bit that it's going to be hard.  It's just lately a lot of people have been coming up to me saying "you just wait" "you have no idea how hard it's going to be" etc. I am fully expecting it to be difficult and this baby was no oops.  I've just been hearing a lot more negative things now that I'm closer to labor.  The only good thing I've heard is "...but they are so worth it."  Everyone just goes into detail about all the millions of bad things, and not enough of the good things.

  • Honestly, I disagree with everyone.  Just like every pregnancy is different, so is perception of what is easier.  

    With my first pregnancy I was so miserable by the end.  When I finally had DS things immediately changed.  My heartburn- gone, constipation- gone, swelling-gone, achy joints- gone, acne- gone, poor bladder control- gone.  I felt immediate relief.  In addition, I LOVED having my outside baby.  Every coo, every baby yawn was such a thrill.  

    Yes, I was extremely tired and I did have other ailments that showed up (hello hemmrhoids!), but it hasn't been harder than pregnancy because the rewards are so worth it.

    Do you have family nearby that will help once LO is here?  I think that that will make a big difference, I know that I found family and friends to be great at helping the transition. 

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  • Yes, like everyone else has said, its easier now than when baby arrives.  No one can prepare you fully for the exhaustion, the frustration that can come with nursing, the emotions that will go from elation to sadness (thank you hormones). You will now have someone to worry about 24 hours a day for the rest of your life. They are still "contained" right now. :)

    With all that said- keep in mind that many if not most people have more than one child after experiencing all of this. Being a parent is just the most wonderful, rewarding, challenging thing you will ever do. It's all worth it.

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  • imagehaleymay18:

    Yes it is really that bad.

    Or it was for me.

    It is also pretty great but the great came a little later for me.

    I didn't mean to scare anyone but I am definitely better at being pregnant than being a mom in the first two weeks of the babies life. Actually the first year of a babies life :).

    And you will lose your hair,  have a hormonal roller coaster where you laugh & cry at the same things throughout the day, be sleep deprived, etc.

    But when you hold your lo to your chest, you will forget every thing you hate about that stage.

    I know you didn't mean to scare anyone :)  It just got me thinking.  For some reason, I've literally had like 6 people come up to me this week with horror stories and telling me how bad things are going to suck.  Yes, just what I want to hear at 37 weeks pregnant lol  I'm not afraid of hard work, and I plan absolutely every element of my life.  It's just harder to plan and know what to expect when you've never done it before.

  • imagesarakiefer:

    imageiluvmylab:
    Yes, carrying a baby is probably much easier than raising one.  I know it will be hard, but if I wasn't ready to accept that, I wouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place.  Of course it will be a challenge, but the best things in life seldom come easy.

    Oh I'm not doubting in the least bit that it's going to be hard.  It's just lately a lot of people have been coming up to me saying "you just wait" "you have no idea how hard it's going to be" etc. I am fully expecting it to be difficult and this baby was no oops.  I've just been hearing a lot more negative things now that I'm closer to labor.  The only good thing I've heard is "...but they are so worth it."  Everyone just goes into detail about all the millions of bad things, and not enough of the good things.

    Yes, that annoys me big time. They are right, I do not have an idea, but I am ready for it nonetheless.

  •  "you just wait" "you have no idea how hard it's going to be"

    Yeah, you just wait because you have no idea how hard it's going to be not to cry when your child comes up and tells you, "I love you Mommy" for the first time.  Big Smile 

     

  • imageiluvmylab:
    imagesarakiefer:

    imageiluvmylab:
    Yes, carrying a baby is probably much easier than raising one.  I know it will be hard, but if I wasn't ready to accept that, I wouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place.  Of course it will be a challenge, but the best things in life seldom come easy.

    Oh I'm not doubting in the least bit that it's going to be hard.  It's just lately a lot of people have been coming up to me saying "you just wait" "you have no idea how hard it's going to be" etc. I am fully expecting it to be difficult and this baby was no oops.  I've just been hearing a lot more negative things now that I'm closer to labor.  The only good thing I've heard is "...but they are so worth it."  Everyone just goes into detail about all the millions of bad things, and not enough of the good things.

    Yes, that annoys me big time. They are right, I do not have an idea, but I am ready for it nonetheless.

    That comment bothers me too.  My 14 year old hair client told me yesterday "you just wait." Really? Weird.

    Someone told us that being a parent is the hardest job you will ever love.  I think that sums it up pretty well.  The best things in life are never the easiest.  

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  • The "Just you wait" comments are still coming my way too. People ask if we are excited and I say yes but I know that 2 will be difficult and almost always I get "You have no idea" or "just you wait". I usually just laugh and say "I am waiting..."
    someecards.com - I support Newt Gingrich's idea of colonizing the moon if it'll help me get away from Newt Gingrich.

    My baby is two!!! Baby girl 9/17/09

    My other baby is still a baby! Baby Boy 11-30-11

  • I definitely knew it would be hard before I got pregnant and I am mentally prepared for that. It's going to be twice as hard for me now as I just found out they moved up my DH's deployment date. I'm still just as excited as I was I just know that now it's going to be a bit tougher.
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  • As for the FTM we might not be prepared, but as we all decided to become moms, I am sure that EVERY WOMEN on this board is more prepared than most women out there that have no financial, mental or family support. Yes, it will be hard, but guess what, we can do this. We have been preparing ourselves for the past 9 months and yes we are ready.
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  • i am surprised at how people can choose not to engage their brains before their mouths. My latest response, that I have only used a couple of times is "Is that supposed to help" or "is that supposed to make me feel better" I don't think it is too rude and usually people realise that telling an almost 9 month pregnant lady horror stories about L&D or a newborn really is a b!tchy thing to do! There is trying to be prepared and informed, through other's experiences, then there is just BS that you really don't need. You'll figure it out as you go, just like they did and just like everybody else will!

    I am really nervous about meeting our baby, because I know the worrying will increase a million times, but I am looking forward to the good stuff, cuddling up with her, and maybe, someday, if I am lucky, being able to bend at the waist again!!!

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  • Obviously it is easier IN!  BUT, I have learned that the newborn stage is WAY easier than the toddler and preschool age...especially when you only have one child.  I don't know what I ever complained about when we just had DS...I would go back in a heartbeat and savor it a little more!
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  • imageLaurenSweat:

    Honestly, I disagree with everyone.  Just like every pregnancy is different, so is perception of what is easier.  

    With my first pregnancy I was so miserable by the end.  When I finally had DS things immediately changed.  My heartburn- gone, constipation- gone, swelling-gone, achy joints- gone, acne- gone, poor bladder control- gone.  I felt immediate relief.  In addition, I LOVED having my outside baby.  Every coo, every baby yawn was such a thrill.  

    Yes, I was extremely tired and I did have other ailments that showed up (hello hemmrhoids!), but it hasn't been harder than pregnancy because the rewards are so worth it.

    Do you have family nearby that will help once LO is here?  I think that that will make a big difference, I know that I found family and friends to be great at helping the transition. 

    I am with you here! I do NOT take well to pregnancy - but I'm amazing when baby comes!  I for one can't wait! For me, about the only downside is that it will take a little longer to get out the door with my "outside baby" and I will have to pack more gear with me (he's nice little carry on luggage right now) ...but the reward of having him far outweighs any negative I can think of!

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  • imageMaggie-Moo:

    i am surprised at how people can choose not to engage their brains before their mouths. My latest response, that I have only used a couple of times is "Is that supposed to help" or "is that supposed to make me feel better" I don't think it is too rude and usually people realise that telling an almost 9 month pregnant lady horror stories about L&D or a newborn really is a b!tchy thing to do! There is trying to be prepared and informed, through other's experiences, then there is just BS that you really don't need. You'll figure it out as you go, just like they did and just like everybody else will!

    I am really nervous about meeting our baby, because I know the worrying will increase a million times, but I am looking forward to the good stuff, cuddling up with her, and maybe, someday, if I am lucky, being able to bend at the waist again!!!

    My thought exactly!  Last night my grandmother decided to tell me how bad labor and delivery is going to hurt.  This was right after I had told her that I'm not all that scared about that part anymore because I've had a while to get used to the idea and I'll be screaming "EPI" as soon as I hit the door lol  But, really?? Why try to convince me to be scared sh*itless?! 

  • In all honestly I hate being pregnant and I enjoy my babies so much more when they are outside my belly.  This being my 3rd and last I am so ready and happy for this little man to be here.  Some days feel overwhelming but thats going to happen with or with out baby.  Remember when you look into those eyes and know that he/she is apart of you and your DH.  It makes those hard days so worth it.  Keep your head up enjoy every moment with your LO.  The grow up so so fast and you will never get that baby time back.
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  • Yes, the first 4ish months are especially hard, but there is a reason so many people choose to have babies over and over again...it's so worth it.* says the pregnant lady who just started bawling in kohls because her toddler was a holy terror*. But seriously, it's worth it.
  • I seem to get the opposite, I feel like I'm preparing for the road ahead of me and trying to be realistic about what it will be really like, but I get a lot of positive responses. One friend likes to say 'Yeah it'll hurt, but you'll forget the pain soon after!' or 'You'll love it so much, you will be so great!'

    And the whole time I'm thinking 'I have an idea what I'm in for, I know it won't be easy'

    I know it'll be harder to care for my daughter that is alive and out here with me, instead of being inside of me where I just have to carry her around all the time. I'm definitely looking forward to some things after pregnancy, like being able to lay on my stomach, sleep more comfortabley (even though I'm sure it will be interrupted often), being able to have a drink other than some wine, etc.

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  • My sister in law tells me all the time to "just wait and see how hard it is" and all she talks about is how her and my brother have no more freedom and she acts like it's such a burden... I always get really anxious whenever she talks about it but like another person here said, I think everyone's experience is different and I really try not to let her negativity bring me down because I know it's going to be a huge change. This pregnany was such a blessing because I have pcos and didn't even think I was going to be able to have children so I am just so excited for this little one!
  • imageLaurenSweat:

    Honestly, I disagree with everyone.  Just like every pregnancy is different, so is perception of what is easier.  

    With my first pregnancy I was so miserable by the end.  When I finally had DS things immediately changed.  My heartburn- gone, constipation- gone, swelling-gone, achy joints- gone, acne- gone, poor bladder control- gone.  I felt immediate relief.  In addition, I LOVED having my outside baby.  Every coo, every baby yawn was such a thrill.  

    Yes, I was extremely tired and I did have other ailments that showed up (hello hemmrhoids!), but it hasn't been harder than pregnancy because the rewards are so worth it.

    Do you have family nearby that will help once LO is here?  I think that that will make a big difference, I know that I found family and friends to be great at helping the transition. 

    Yes I have family around who could help, but I don't see them coming over or anything.  I don't really want them too, in all honesty.  They will play more of a role when I have to go back to work.  I want the first few weeks to be DH and I bonding with our LO and getting into a routine. 

    FWIW- I love this response :)   

  • imageLaurenSweat:

    Honestly, I disagree with everyone.  Just like every pregnancy is different, so is perception of what is easier.  

    With my first pregnancy I was so miserable by the end.  When I finally had DS things immediately changed.  My heartburn- gone, constipation- gone, swelling-gone, achy joints- gone, acne- gone, poor bladder control- gone.  I felt immediate relief.  In addition, I LOVED having my outside baby.  Every coo, every baby yawn was such a thrill.  

    Yes, I was extremely tired and I did have other ailments that showed up (hello hemmrhoids!), but it hasn't been harder than pregnancy because the rewards are so worth it.

    Do you have family nearby that will help once LO is here?  I think that that will make a big difference, I know that I found family and friends to be great at helping the transition. 

     

    I was going to say something similar to this :) 

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  • imageNoodleM:

    I seem to get the opposite, I feel like I'm preparing for the road ahead of me and trying to be realistic about what it will be really like, but I get a lot of positive responses. One friend likes to say 'Yeah it'll hurt, but you'll forget the pain soon after!' or 'You'll love it so much, you will be so great!'

    And the whole time I'm thinking 'I have an idea what I'm in for, I know it won't be easy'

    I know it'll be harder to care for my daughter that is alive and out here with me, instead of being inside of me where I just have to carry her around all the time. I'm definitely looking forward to some things after pregnancy, like being able to lay on my stomach, sleep more comfortably (even though I'm sure it will be interrupted often), being able to have a drink other than some wine, etc.

    Basically everything you just said Noodle.  Especially the first part.  All my friends and family are amazingly positve and when I am the one that starts freaking, they tell me "ya it's scary at first, but you're going to be amazing" and things like that.  I don't know where I would be at mentally without their help and positive words.

    Unlike a lot of women, I have had a really easy pregnancy and I love being pregnant (except for the MS in first tri and the aches/pains now) but I have really enjoyed this and I am terrifed of having this tiny little baby completely depend on me.  I think the reason why I get so scared is because I don't have really any help where we live.  Our closest family is 5 hours away and we have a few friends around us, but I can't be calling them everyday if I have a meltdown.  DF works 12-18 hr days 6 days a week so it will just be me, which is pretty scary for a FTM.

    But can I say too that I am so so looking forward to sleeping on my belly, even if it's just for an hour then to get back up and BF.  Also for that glass of wine every once in a while to relax.

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  • I also have to add it depends on where you are at in life and each child. My first was hard but not that bad. Things changed in our life dramatically but I was so ready for it. Ready to give up what came with a LO.

    My second was SO easy. I LOVED every minute of it from L&D to now. I seriously don't know if it was because I was even more prepared having gone through it once of because she was such a good baby.  

    No matter what your circumstance is though there is so much MORE joy with an outside baby IMO that it outweighs all the struggles.

    GL


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  • I had a rough pregnancy and newborn twins - and I swear 3 year olds are straight up from the devil. 

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  • I feel more sympathy for my DH than I do for myself when it comes to those first few months...he's pretty much my slave and all "please's" and "thank you's" go out the window, if he's still alive after the first few months then I know we're doing pretty good.
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  • I had PPD after LO got here, and that really does NOT help at all. Not all women get PPD, but either way, you'll be having a rollercoaster of emotions. Wondering if baby is ok, why is baby crying, why won't he/she stop crying. It's just a lot of stress.
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  • BTW, do you guys know how much self control it took for me to not post "If you think that post was scary, imagine having a newborn".

    It took a lot of restraint.

    Just kidding :)

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    My baby is two!!! Baby girl 9/17/09

    My other baby is still a baby! Baby Boy 11-30-11

  • Well in my experience, having your body back to normal is certainly easier physically (I am rather sick of the whole beached-whale thing at the moment)..but yes.. it is easier in a way when the little tykes are INside. All quiet, and don't need bum changes or feeding..then they turn 2 and start yelling "NO!" at you and running away and hitting and......... oh dear. LOL but they are such amazing little people and you love them no matter what. And most of the really trying times can seem horrible at the time but then you look back a month or so later and just have to laugh. And the fun and adorable moments definitely outweigh the rough ones!

    Really though the only thing DH and I were totally unprepared for (and we THOUGHT we were prepared) was the sleep deprivation.  Being woken up every 2 or 3 hours all day AND night is quite intense for the first couple months, so get relief where you can (inlaws, parents, friends coming to help etc) but it all evens out and they start sleeping more and you get into the swing of it. 

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  • imagesarakiefer:

    I know you didn't mean to scare anyone :)  It just got me thinking.  For some reason, I've literally had like 6 people come up to me this week with horror stories and telling me how bad things are going to suck.  Yes, just what I want to hear at 37 weeks pregnant lol  I'm not afraid of hard work, and I plan absolutely every element of my life.  It's just harder to plan and know what to expect when you've never done it before.

    Everyone likes to tell horror stories. They think they're being helpful by "keeping it real" and "telling us what no one told them". While that may all be true, I'm with you in that it would be nice to hear some positives. No, I don't need you to blow sunshine and rainbows up my @ss because I know it's not going to be easy. But, it would be more helpful to me to hear the good with the bad, not just the bad. 

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  • Pregnancy is much easier than raising a child. I don't have to do anything other than just deal with a growing belly and lay off the bad foods/alcohol! I make jokes that she's my easiest kid, never whines, complains, pees her pants or asks for things! lol :D But, don't get me wrong, motherhood is fun. It is like riding a constant roller-coaster, there are highs and lows, good days and bad days, moments that make you want 10 kids and moments that make you question what the heck you got yourself into!! Good luck and enjoy pregnancy... for me it really is the easiest part of having a baby.
  • imageUAbride31007:
    imagesarakiefer:

    I know you didn't mean to scare anyone :)  It just got me thinking.  For some reason, I've literally had like 6 people come up to me this week with horror stories and telling me how bad things are going to suck.  Yes, just what I want to hear at 37 weeks pregnant lol  I'm not afraid of hard work, and I plan absolutely every element of my life.  It's just harder to plan and know what to expect when you've never done it before.

    Everyone likes to tell horror stories. They think they're being helpful by "keeping it real" and "telling us what no one told them". While that may all be true, I'm with you in that it would be nice to hear some positives. No, I don't need you to blow sunshine and rainbows up my @ss because I know it's not going to be easy. But, it would be more helpful to me to hear the good with the bad, not just the bad. 

    In all fairness though, no one ever warned me about what having a newborn would be like. I felt very unprepared emotionally and mentally. However, warnings about this kind of thing usually go unheeded anyhow and  people could have shouted it from the rooftops that having a baby f*cking sucks in a lot of ways and I would have thought that my experience will be different. But it wasn't.

    With that said, my post was only expressing my fears and thoughts on having another baby very soon and certainly wasn't intended to be taken as "babies are SO scary and everyone, everywhere should be TERRIFIED!!". But,  I am not ready for it. I enjoy my life now and feel comforted that there are others that share my same feelings.

    someecards.com - I support Newt Gingrich's idea of colonizing the moon if it'll help me get away from Newt Gingrich.

    My baby is two!!! Baby girl 9/17/09

    My other baby is still a baby! Baby Boy 11-30-11

  • imagehaleymay18:
    imageUAbride31007:
    imagesarakiefer:

    I know you didn't mean to scare anyone :)  It just got me thinking.  For some reason, I've literally had like 6 people come up to me this week with horror stories and telling me how bad things are going to suck.  Yes, just what I want to hear at 37 weeks pregnant lol  I'm not afraid of hard work, and I plan absolutely every element of my life.  It's just harder to plan and know what to expect when you've never done it before.

    Everyone likes to tell horror stories. They think they're being helpful by "keeping it real" and "telling us what no one told them". While that may all be true, I'm with you in that it would be nice to hear some positives. No, I don't need you to blow sunshine and rainbows up my @ss because I know it's not going to be easy. But, it would be more helpful to me to hear the good with the bad, not just the bad. 

    In all fairness though, no one ever warned me about what having a newborn would be like. I felt very unprepared emotionally and mentally. However, warnings about this kind of thing usually go unheeded anyhow and  people could have shouted it from the rooftops that having a baby f*cking sucks in a lot of ways and I would have thought that my experience will be different. But it wasn't.

    With that said, my post was only expressing my fears and thoughts on having another baby very soon and certainly wasn't intended to be taken as "babies are SO scary and everyone, everywhere should be TERRIFIED!!". But,  I am not ready for it. I enjoy my life now and feel comforted that there are others that share my same feelings.

    I certainly have been feeling a bit the same lately too, now that #2 is arriving in just under a month. I remember (sort of) the first couple of months with newborn DS, and yep they were pretty insane! But it levels out after a little while and you get used to the big changes and it's fine. So I'm sure for the first few months with a toddler AND a little newborn I am going to go a little crazy but we all adapt and make it work and it ends up totally worth it! I personally am really looking forward to when they're about 7 and 5 years old... I'm sure there will be hair-pulling moments but it'll be so awesome to take "the boys" out to things like the zoo, or the aquarium or I don't know Go-Karting.. birthday parties... camping... fun family conversations at dinner...

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