This chick at work irritates me SO BAD!!! Long

mlebates

Prior to her getting pregnant, after only 1 year of trying they decided to do IVF (which don't judge me just yet on that comment).  I walked into the kitchen/lunchroom and overheard her talking to another co-worker (who had been trying for 2 years to get pregnant and hadn't yet resorted to IVF) and she was complaining that she wasn't getting pregnant.  I piped up and told her I felt it was unfair of her complaining because 2 of my sister in-laws struggled to get pregnant for years, and my best friends sister took 7 years WITH IVF to conceive and keep a child. 

She finally was able to conceive and then one day (which I think is terrible that this happens to ANYONE) she miscarried after trying for so long.  At that point she denounced God.  A few months later she conceived again using IVF and later found out she was having twins.  Now THIS is the part I struggle with the most.  As soon as she found out she was pregnant she started telling us that she couldn't wait until they were out of diapers and were eating on their own and could somewhat take care of themselves so she didn't have to hassle w/ it. 

THEN she would tell us that she couldn't wait for them be be old enough to go to school so she didn't have to pay for daycare.  ALL BEFORE THEY ARE EVEN BORN.  She was also at the time of trying to conceive, trying to "foster" her niece.  She could have requested to adopt her niece (7 years old) but wanted to foster instead.  WHILE PREGNANT she tells us it'll be great to get her niece because they'll get paid for fostering her, AND she'll be able to babysit.  (a 7 year old babysitting TWINS)

 A woman at work threw a double baby shower for this girl and another girl at work who was also pregnant.  The other pregnant girl brings a $50 gift basket that is wrapped in selefane (sp?) and she looks at is and says "I don't need to open this one I can already see what's in it."  Another girl from work gives her 2 robes and a few other clothing items and she tosses it to the side and says "I already have one of those robes."  At the end of the shower she directed people to put her things in her car, never offered to help clean up, and never said ONE thank you, didn't send cards to those who gave her gifts... NADA!

So fast forward a few months and she is diagnosed w/ gestational (sp?) diabetes to the point of needing shots, and when she would bring large pasta's and sweets, and things she shouldn't be eating, and we questioned her about her diabetes she would say it is no big deal. 

 Fast forward again to the day she gives birth.  She is called in because the doctors are extremely worried about one of the babies.  When they are born one has an immune problem, and the other possibly has CF (cystic fibrosis).  The child w/ possible CF is in the nicu for about a month, and she and her husband go to see him 1 time a day.  The other times (she says) is filled w/ learning about his condition, and preparing to bring home a high risk child.  On Facebook she asks all her friends to pray for her child.  Then never updates on the status of the child and how he is doing.  Instead she is playing all those stupid facebook games people play.  FOR HOURS!

NOW (and keep in mind both she and her husband have incomes right now) another co-worker asks how she is doing and she tells her that they are struggling to put food on the table.  So this woman rounds a few people in the office to give food to this chick and it is driven 30 minutes to her home, she takes the food and doesn't say thank you...AGAIN!!!!!

ALSO the other co-worker that was pregnant asked about her niece and she was told that this chick couldn't wait for her to come so her niece could start helping w/ the boys, and babysitting so she and her husband could have a few hours to themselves.  THANK THE LORD the courts decided that the current foster family who wanted to adopt her niece in the first place were granted permission for the adoption. 

Am I nit picking here?  I seriously can't stand her!!  There are SO many othe things wrong w/ this chick but I don't want to make this any longer than it already is.  What do you guys think, and what would you do in this situation?

Also she was going to go to missouri to visit family and have another baby shower but she's pissed because the doctor won't sign off on the oxygen needed for her CF child.  Thank heavens.

allisonmarie22

mlebates:

Prior to her getting pregnant, after only 1 year of trying they decided to do IVF (which don't judge me just yet on that comment).  I walked into the kitchen/lunchroom and overheard her talking to another co-worker (who had been trying for 2 years to get pregnant and hadn't yet resorted to IVF) and she was complaining that she wasn't getting pregnant.  I piped up and told her I felt it was unfair of her complaining because 2 of my sister in-laws struggled to get pregnant for years, and my best friends sister took 7 years WITH IVF to conceive and keep a child. 

I think this woman sounds like a total loser and having to put up with that every day would drive me BSC as well, but I do have to say I think your comment about it being unfair of her to complain about not conceiving was out of line. Every woman's struggle is different, and how they react to that struggle is also unique. It really wasn't your place to say that.

For the record my DH and I did IVF after trying for only a year. There were lots of circumstances, but bottom line is that we could've kept spinning our wheels trying to conceive naturally and I made the decision that I just wasn't cut out to do so. I couldn't handle it. I don't think that makes me wrong, and I don't think it was "unfair" of me to be upset and depressed that I couldn't conceive.

pinkshades05

allisonmarie22:

mlebates:

Prior to her getting pregnant, after only 1 year of trying they decided to do IVF (which don't judge me just yet on that comment).  I walked into the kitchen/lunchroom and overheard her talking to another co-worker (who had been trying for 2 years to get pregnant and hadn't yet resorted to IVF) and she was complaining that she wasn't getting pregnant.  I piped up and told her I felt it was unfair of her complaining because 2 of my sister in-laws struggled to get pregnant for years, and my best friends sister took 7 years WITH IVF to conceive and keep a child. 

I think this woman sounds like a total loser and having to put up with that every day would drive me BSC as well, but I do have to say I think your comment about it being unfair of her to complain about not conceiving was out of line. Every woman's struggle is different, and how they react to that struggle is also unique. It really wasn't your place to say that.

For the record my DH and I did IVF after trying for only a year. There were lots of circumstances, but bottom line is that we could've kept spinning our wheels trying to conceive naturally and I made the decision that I just wasn't cut out to do so. I couldn't handle it. I don't think that makes me wrong, and I don't think it was "unfair" of me to be upset and depressed that I couldn't conceive.

I think you said this nicely, allisonmarie22--even though there were a lot of irritating things about this person that would drive me insane as well, you still have to be careful about the topic of conceiving because not everyone woman is the same and their level of frustrations differ. Even though others have gone longer without conceiving, I'm sure they've felt the same frustrations and it sounds like this woman really needed to vent to someone who understand her.

Everything else that she did...yeah, I'm surprised she still has any friends. I've had a friend like this and it didn't take long for me to realize that this was too much of a one-sided relationship.  

easjer05

I can see why some of her behaviors are annoying, but I think you also have made a number of suppositions that are perhaps inappropriate.  For instance, a number of women who have testing after a year of ttc jump straight to IVF because their diagnosis won't be helped with lesser interventions or it gives them the best odds.  That's not something for you to judge and anyone who had trouble ttc can complain about it, imo - it's not exclusively reserved for certain people (and the fact that it was a conversation you walked into the middle of makes me wonder about what you didn't hear). 

If she went through at least two IVF's and had twins, one of whom had a month-long NICU stay, it's not inconceivable that she and her husband are in fact struggling for money.  It's also not crazy for someone to wish that they didn't have the cost of two infant/toddler daycares or find feeding and diapering of twins overwhelming.

Don't get me wrong, I think there is a pattern of behavior and lack of gratitude that is eyebrow raising, but then just avoid her.  I don't have any other suggestions for you, really.

greeneyed_bride

mlebates:

Am I nit picking here?  I seriously can't stand her!!  There are SO many othe things wrong w/ this chick but I don't want to make this any longer than it already is.  What do you guys think, and what would you do in this situation?

What would I do? I would stop discussing her personal life with her and unfriend her on Facebook. Beyond that, I'm not sure what type of advice you're looking for. There are a lot of selfish and self-absorbed people in the world, and you're not responsible for fixing them.

tjg5275

that woman sounds dumb as ***

Abby7

It sounds like you are a little too interested in what she is up to and maybe need to MYOB.

ac4mvp

I understand - you're just venting.  I have a person in my life that makes a ton of questionable decisions (although not to the level of the person you are talking about) and I think it's good to vent...and then let it go.  Don't let it consume much of your thoughts.  It's really unfortunate that this person is making the horrible statements that she is, but you need to take your mind off of it as much as you can.  You can't change her.  It is really annoying when so many people are helping her though and she is so ungrateful.  At some point you have to wonder if anyone else sees the same thing you do.  I think knowing that other people think that this person is saying things that are out of line should help you realize that she's the one with the problem and you should let it go.

courtness

Though some of her behavior seems objectionable (to say the least), it sounds like this person has a lot of baggage left over from her previous problems conceiving and her miscarriage.  I think she's probably still pretty unhappy and angry with life and God, despite finally having children, and no amount of outpouring from others is going to change that.  Sounds like she needs someone professional to talk to, though I wouldn't suggest this to her if I were you.

MotherMonster

I think the woman sounds like she needs to grow up. Children aren't lifestyle accessories and the way she acts is disgusting! I say thank you to everyone, even when I'm ordering fast food, because that's manners.

However, I think with the gestational diabetes you and your coworkers were being WAY overly dramatic. I was diabetic before pregnancy and I was on a low carb diet then (90 carbs max per day), but during pregnancy, you have to actually eat a lot of carbs (250 carbs per day) . What she was eating is of no concern to anyone as long as she's taking enough insulin period! If you're not diabetic you might think it's not okay, but seriously...it's her business and her doctors and no one else's. Also unless you are diabetic, then you don't understand. I don't care if you have a relative or friend who is, unless you live with it, you don't truly know what its like and you have no business telling a diabetic not to eat certain foods. I eat alot of things that most people would tell me that I shouldn't (Pasta, pizza, cookies, pie) but I haven't gained any weight and it's my business. I have to keep my work informed because I have had low blood sugar so my nurses at work keep very close track of me and what I'm doing and where I'm am. But if you're not diabetic, you can read all you want out of a book and online, but it is nothing like experiencing it first hand. Sorry if I sound bitchy, but while pregnant I constantly run into the "I know better because I deal with diabetics". Sorry, I know better because I am diabetic.

SheenaNash1

GhostMonkey:

I wish DS was out of diapers. It's annoying. I must hate him horribly, huh?

Abby7:

It sounds like you are a little too interested in what she is up to and maybe need to MYOB.

This. Big time. I can see the shower issue being a problem, but the rest you seriously need to move on with your life and get the hell over it. You are being massively nitpicky and honestly, you remind me of one of my coworkers that I no longer speak to because she can't quit bitching about everyone else.

 

I'm totally jumping on the mind your own business train here. The whole post leaves me thinking that YOU are the one in the office that everybody talks about behind your back because you are so over-the-top invested in other people's lives.

 

tiffapotomus

Well I can see that it may be annoying being part of the group that is continuously going out of your way to be charitable to this woman if she is not showing any gratitude...but selfless good deeds don't require gratification right? It would rub me the wrong way to hear someone who has yet to even give birth to their child already have complaints about what it is going to be like having to actually put forth some effort raising them and give up some luxuries. I have been known to make some smart a** comments when it comes to people sounding a bit ungreatful for the little lives they are blessed with and would expect a woman who had trouble ttc to feel the same way. That being said next time you hear a complaint, if you feel like you must be involved, ask her solely about the babies with no regaurd to her personal complaints. If she responds negatively with more woes then ignore them and toss her a comment of some positive reinforcement like "I bet 3 yrs ago you never thought you would be blessed with 2 beautiful children, it must make everything worth it to see them smile."

 

Try not to be so harsh when it comes to her time ttc. Most people don't just jump into something as costly as IVF (total about $16k including meds) without actually getting and infertility diagnoses. Yes there are other options in some cases but those options don't always have as high of a success rate and can add up quickly.

A close friend of mine chose IVf after losing 1 tube to an ectopic pregnancy. After listening to her doctor tell her "Oh your remaining tube looks great you can TTC on your own without intervention." she wound up with 2 more ectopic pregnancies and damaged the remaining tube beyond repair (3 cycles of chemo later). This after only 2yrs of TTC. I would be pretty P/O if someone had the balls to tell her she shouldn't had done IVF so quickly in front of me.