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June 2011 Moms
northtamarack
member
Bf'ers - I'm in need of support/inspiration
northtamarack
member
Sigh. I'm in desperate need of some positive vibes and wonder if others are in the same boat. If so, how do you deal with it? Here is what I'm dealing with:
Over all, my bf'ing experience has been pretty positive and I've really enjoyed it. I'm aiming towards bf'ing for a year, but I'm hitting a wall. Around 2 months, we figured out that DS had a dairy/soy intolerance. Thus, DH and I cut out all dairy and soy. We've been pretty quiet about this, only when asked we would explain. The comments started "why don't you just formula feed". I'd smile and say that cutting out dairy/soy was working for us.
Then came a nasty bout of mastitis. Again, we were not very vocal about this, just close friends/family. I got more comments about "why don't you just formula feed". I totally get why people suggested this, but with DH and my mom's support I was able to push through the pain.
Recently, DS has been waking 3-5 times a night. This time, both MIL and my mom have been pretty vocal that DS is just "comfort" nursing and we need to "break" him from it and offering various ways to do so (all of which we do not agree with). Again, DH has been very supportive.
I think that the lack (other than DH) of positive bf'ing comments, the sleep deprivation and stress at work is really starting to take a toll on me. I am second guessing myself and wondering if I am doing the "right" thing
So what do you do when you get negative bf'ing comments? Where do you go for bf'ing inspiration? Where do you go for bf'ing support? I know letting comments in one ear and out an other is a good place to start, but it is easier said than done.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Bf'ers - I'm in need of support/inspiration
Oh man I'm sorry to hear that you're having a tough time!! know alot of people have said BF'ding is one of the hardest things they have had to do!!
I have not had the same troubles you have in the slightest to I haven't gotten any of the negative remarks...but I can add a few positives to help motivate you. Just remember...whatever YOU decide for LO is what's best...not what others think or what the books say...you are the best decision maker for your baby!
1. the look and the bond that happens when you BF...nothing like looking down at your baby, him/her smiling, knowing no one else can provide such perfect nutrition/love for your baby!
2. the cost of formula!
3...revert back to #1
4. revert back to #2
I read the section on bfing in What to expect when you're expecting. It was filled with so many advantages that I hadn't even heard of! I had a rough start to feeding....LO did great but I was in a huge amount of pain and my nipples were completely torn open on the side. I would go through all the benefits in my mind as I fed through the pain!
Also, I just read in a magezine this week (american baby I think) that the length a baby is breastfed is directly related to how large their brain grows! Hope that helps! It re-inspired me some!!
this. I had a rough start as DD wouldn't latch on in the hospital...they kept me there 4 days and supplemented with formula cause she wasn't eating. It wasn't until later that I learned she would have been fine without the formula. I was crying in the hospital as they gave it to her, as the squeezed and squeezed my breasts to get the colustrum out, as they kept making me feel inadequate as a BF mom...but I refused to give up no matter how much it hurt because BF was my only focus. When I got home and my nipples were bleeding and I had to wear a nipple shield while nursing, I still kept telling myself I was doing the right thing for us.
I was never diagnosed with mastitus but I did have a night were I was feverish and shaky and I'm pretty sure it was related to BF...
I'm sorry you don't have the support system you want...and I can't tell you anything more than just to ignore it and know that YOU are your child's mother and YOU are the one who knows what is best.
Wish I could offer you more advice...just know that you aren't alone and that down the line when you are no longer nursing you will be proud of yourself for not giving up.
We also have had a terrible time. My LO has woken up every 2-3 hours around the clock from birth and since I'm EBFing I'm the only one who gets up with her (pumping takes even longer so it just seems silly to me to have husband feed her while I pump), we had major latch issues in the beginning which she still reverts back to from time to time. We've had thrush at least three times. I still get nipple pain, tears, abrasions, etc.
Honestly all that helps me is to think of how expensive formula is (I'm super cheap) and my stubbornness. If I decide something is going to happen it just is, and when anyone questions it I just dig my heels in because I dislike being questioned about it. I also try to focus on how much easier it is when you go out with them to not have to pack formula and worry about running out, etc. If we end up out for hours longer than planned we always have food. Oh, and I bought about 15 nursing tanks. Once I did that I knew I had to breastfeed long enough to make the purchase worth it (see above, I'm super cheap).
I'm not sure if your local hospital has a BFing support group, but that could be helpful if they do. I personally wouldn't recommend La Leche League meetings because I think they are too extreme and judgey.
CHIN UP! Honestly, I've looked to this board and my one super-pro BFing friend when I need support.
We did successfully break the nursing/sleep cycle, but she's still EBF- it took a lot of hard work on DH's part- are you not interested in trying to break that bc you are ok with nursing to sleep, or are they suggesting you break the cycle by giving him formula?
Not that you need any more advice, but we did a 5-10-5 approach-- DH shhed her for 5, then if she was still crying, picked her up and bounced around for 10, then if still crying I bounced her around for 5, then if she was still crying, we nursed. It took about a week total. At first if she got up after 3, we went straight to nursing, but she started sleeping better and better until she went all night-- now of course, she doesn't nurse, but she's going through 4MW and wants to play
Not saying you SHOULD do this, just an idea!
There are lots of methods and approaches to get you the sleep you need without giving them formula. If you ever need support, please come here! Or you can FB message me-- I feel like I've dealt with every naysayer out there, but BFing works for us and I'm not willing to give it up!
i'm so sorry to hear that you're having trouble staying motivated! it must be very difficult not having the support of many of those around you.
for me, it just comes down to nature. we are mammals. we are meant to breastfeed our babies. this is the natural order of things. all mammals nurse their young. so for me, breastfeeding was not a choice. it was just what comes with the territory of having a baby.
accordingly, i breastfed dd1 for more than two years (until my milk dried up due to my pregnancy with dd2). while i didn't exactly have people come right out and question my decision, some people did wonder why i went through so much trouble to continue breastfeeding so long. or why i didn't just introduce cow's milk at a year (i believe that cow's milk is for little cows, and human milk is for little humans).
when i discuss breastfeeding, i am always very matter-of-fact about it. you don't need to apologize to anyone for feeding your baby the way nature intended. and you don't need to hide the fact that you are breastfeeding from anyone.
i'll step off my soapbox now and say that i'd also imagine that dairy- and soy-free formula is also pretty expensive.
My goal is also a year. I don't have the comments you are getting or mastitis but I have the 3-5+ times of wakening to relate too. I just don't really tell anyone other then my husband and the In Laws. His mom breastfed and co-slept when no one else in her family did and pressured her to stop. I think that is why she is good at not making any comments. I would suggest you only talk to your husband in detail and for others just say things like oh I had a charlie horse last night it kept me up most of the night,(sorta code for DH to change the subject) and if asked how did LO sleep oh he did great and leave it at that. They are good little sleepers just hungry too.
I say things like that cause really when my LO wakes 3-5 times a night I remind myself about the nights where she screamed bloody murder and would only sleep without loud music and dancing. This is a major improvement.
Then when you need support pop on here and we can cheer you on.
Remember to take a deep breath look at you LO and see what all your hard work has done so far.
I just started FFing (due to supply issues), and let me tell you, the $20 every 5 days to FF should be big motivation to keep BFing!
MIL thinks we need to give him rice cereal. We don't want to give it to him because a) it has no nutritional value and b) at his last well-baby check up his weight went from being in the 50% tile to the 8th % tile. Our pedi suggested that we not worry, but come back in a month to get him weighed to see what happens. So while I'm not worrying, I do wonder if my supply is tanking? Is that why he is waking up so much at night? Is that why he is loosing weight? So right now I'm interested in feeding him as much as he wants, when he wants it to keep my supply up.
BFing is very hard indeed
I love the bond that I have developed and luckily, I have great support from my mom, my sis, and DH. However, I have plenty of friends that are nay sayers, especially at work. I am a teacher and they don't understand why I bother to pump. I always get "formula is easier." fitting in pumping at work is really hard and it means pumping through lunch and planning periods, meaning I have to stay later and bring more work home for after LO is asleep. Still, I wouldn't trade it for a million bucks. I, too, feel that mommy milk is better for baby than cow milk and plan to BF for as long as possible. I guess I get through it because I know that it is best and feel like I have given LO something that most others don't get. hang in there...you know what is best for your baby!
I had some bumps in the road with breastfeeding as well. It took a good 6 weeks until we worked out all of our kinks and I absolutely love BF'ing now! I work full-time now and definitely don't enjoy adding pumping to the mix, but I know I'm providing the absolute best in nutrition for DD and that makes it all worth it. The best things in life don't usually come easily. I always try to remind myself of that when I'm discouraged.
Here are some good articles that I've gotten inspiration from regarding BF'ing:
https://www.kellymom.com/bf/start/prepare/bf-benefits.html
https://www.kellymom.com/bf/criticism.html
ETA:
I can't even relate to people who refuse to even attempt to BF. It's something our bodies are designed to do and it's proven to be the best nutrition for babies, so I don't understand why anyone who can do it, doesn't!
DH: 34/Me: 35
Married: Feb 2008
DD: June 2011
TTC# 2: April 2014
BFP!! 8/29/16 --> EDD: 5/11/17....it's a GIRL!!!
I've gotten the same comments from everyone including my mother as well (I was 100% formula fed). For the past month LO has a strong bottle preference so I've been pumping for 5/6 of his feedings. Everyone keeps commenting on how much effort this is now that I"m attached to my pump, but my goal was 6 months and I plan on sticking with it until at least then. So don't let anyone tell you otherwise..do what you think is best.
That being said, if you are unhappy with how things are, formula is a great option. I don't believe that statement with 'brain growth being linked to BFing'..that's ridicuous. I was formula fed and I'm an optometrist and did just fine in school, life, socially etc.