Argh, my mom!

Dragonfly_Bride

(ok, so I'm going to bash my mom a little, but please don't bash her, too - that's only allowed by me Eye rolls are perfectly welcome, though.

I don't just have mil issues, I also have "mom issues" as my dh likes to say.

My mom is a special education teacher as well as a speech pathologist. 

Today we were talking and I was telling her some anecdotes about my nephew, such as that he is so smart that he can line up all of his dinosaur toys (20+ different types) and name each one without even batting an eye, and also the same with his superhero toys. I also mentioned that I wish he played better with other kids, because he's good with adults, but I feel that he's a little too rough with other kids, in my opinion.

Her response? Hmm, he might be on "the spectrum." I swear to God, she "diagnoses" kids with things all the time (and this isn't the first "diagnosis" she's come up with for my nephew (who is on my dh's side, not hers) including maybe needing speech therapy when he was little becaue I mentioned he wasn't talking as much as some other kids I knew at that age), and I'm so nervous that she's going to do the same when we have kids.  She tried to diagnose me with all sorts of things as a kid. Do you know how many tongue thrust exercises I had to do as a kid? Anyway, it's annoying, and if I call her on it she tells me I don't need to be so defensive and then she gets defensive.

I seriously don't know how I won't have a freak out/melt down if she tries to pull this crap when it's my kid. And I know she will. It's practically guaranteed.

amyfelice

My mother is like that too. She likes to try to "figure out" what is going on and to "be right" about things. She has even said "Just for the record, i think x" like she wants everyone to remember that she came up with it first. It's some type of insecurity thing I guess. Like she has to feel important or relevant or contribute something, or prove she is smart. It annoys me. Right now they are convinced Elena is being abused at her daycare and they won't talk to me until I take her out of the school. 

EmmieB

Dragonfly_Bride:

(ok, so I'm going to bash my mom a little, but please don't bash her, too - that's only allowed by me Eye rolls are perfectly welcome, though.

I don't just have mil issues, I also have "mom issues" as my dh likes to say.

My mom is a special education teacher as well as a speech pathologist. 

Today we were talking and I was telling her some anecdotes about my nephew, such as that he is so smart that he can line up all of his dinosaur toys (20+ different types) and name each one without even batting an eye, and also the same with his superhero toys. I also mentioned that I wish he played better with other kids, because he's good with adults, but I feel that he's a little too rough with other kids, in my opinion.

Her response? Hmm, he might be on "the spectrum." I swear to God, she "diagnoses" kids with things all the time (and this isn't the first "diagnosis" she's come up with for my nephew (who is on my dh's side, not hers) including maybe needing speech therapy when he was little becaue I mentioned he wasn't talking as much as some other kids I knew at that age), and I'm so nervous that she's going to do the same when we have kids.  She tried to diagnose me with all sorts of things as a kid. Do you know how many tongue thrust exercises I had to do as a kid? Anyway, it's annoying, and if I call her on it she tells me I don't need to be so defensive and then she gets defensive.

I seriously don't know how I won't have a freak out/melt down if she tries to pull this crap when it's my kid. And I know she will. It's practically guaranteed.

While I agree that it is annoying to be constantly under diagnosis, and given my neurosis re: Baz's hearing, it's something I'll have to keep myself in check with...when you listed what this kid can do, I thought "he may be autistic...." not that it is anyone's job but the parents of said child to do the testing and the worrying, but in this particular situation, I'm not sure your mom is that far off the mark...(I *really* hope I'm wrong, for everyone's sake.) 

amyfelice

Sounds like a pattern though, and really it's not much on which to base a diagnosis. 

EmmieB

amyfelice:

Sounds like a pattern though, and really it's not much on which to base a diagnosis. 

 

this is true 

Dragonfly_Bride

EmmieB:

Dragonfly_Bride:

(ok, so I'm going to bash my mom a little, but please don't bash her, too - that's only allowed by me Eye rolls are perfectly welcome, though.

I don't just have mil issues, I also have "mom issues" as my dh likes to say.

My mom is a special education teacher as well as a speech pathologist. 

Today we were talking and I was telling her some anecdotes about my nephew, such as that he is so smart that he can line up all of his dinosaur toys (20+ different types) and name each one without even batting an eye, and also the same with his superhero toys. I also mentioned that I wish he played better with other kids, because he's good with adults, but I feel that he's a little too rough with other kids, in my opinion.

Her response? Hmm, he might be on "the spectrum." I swear to God, she "diagnoses" kids with things all the time (and this isn't the first "diagnosis" she's come up with for my nephew (who is on my dh's side, not hers) including maybe needing speech therapy when he was little becaue I mentioned he wasn't talking as much as some other kids I knew at that age), and I'm so nervous that she's going to do the same when we have kids.  She tried to diagnose me with all sorts of things as a kid. Do you know how many tongue thrust exercises I had to do as a kid? Anyway, it's annoying, and if I call her on it she tells me I don't need to be so defensive and then she gets defensive.

I seriously don't know how I won't have a freak out/melt down if she tries to pull this crap when it's my kid. And I know she will. It's practically guaranteed.

While I agree that it is annoying to be constantly under diagnosis, and given my neurosis re: Baz's hearing, it's something I'll have to keep myself in check with...when you listed what this kid can do, I thought "he may be autistic...." not that it is anyone's job but the parents of said child to do the testing and the worrying, but in this particular situation, I'm not sure your mom is that far off the mark...(I *really* hope I'm wrong, for everyone's sake.) 

lol, who are you, my husband? (he's always defending her). But no, he can name most of the dinosaurs, but when he comes to one he can't remember he just makes up a nickname like "Swimmy" or a character from Land Before Time. Totally typical 4 year old behavior, not in some sort of savant manner.

Dragonfly_Bride

amyfelice:

My mother is like that too. She likes to try to "figure out" what is going on and to "be right" about things. She has even said "Just for the record, i think x" like she wants everyone to remember that she came up with it first. It's some type of insecurity thing I guess. Like she has to feel important or relevant or contribute something, or prove she is smart. It annoys me. Right now they are convinced Elena is being abused at her daycare and they won't talk to me until I take her out of the school. 

Yes, it's totally similar to this. Not quite that extreme, but it's not her grandkid...

amyfelice

Dragonfly_Bride:

amyfelice:

My mother is like that too. She likes to try to "figure out" what is going on and to "be right" about things. She has even said "Just for the record, i think x" like she wants everyone to remember that she came up with it first. It's some type of insecurity thing I guess. Like she has to feel important or relevant or contribute something, or prove she is smart. It annoys me. Right now they are convinced Elena is being abused at her daycare and they won't talk to me until I take her out of the school. 

Yes, it's totally similar to this. Not quite that extreme, but it's not her grandkid...

It's not because it is their grandkid as much as it's just how they get.  

kittylove

Th others brought up good points and I understand you are talking about a pattern of behavior, not just this situation. I totally see how annoying that could be and would bug me to no end as well.

I am not sure if you are looking for advice and if you aren't then skip the rest: Maybe you could set up a ground rule that she tell DH is ever she is concerned about something with your child. She might be less likely to have diarhea of the mouth if she has to tell him rather than you.

EmmieB

kittylove:

Th others brought up good points and I understand you are talking about a pattern of behavior, not just this situation. I totally see how annoying that could be and would bug me to no end as well.

I am not sure if you are looking for advice and if you aren't then skip the rest: Maybe you could set up a ground rule that she tell DH is ever she is concerned about something with your child. She might be less likely to have diarhea of the mouth if she has to tell him rather than you.

that's a good rule.

if you had added in the cute names he makes up for ones he can't remember, i wouldn't have gone there in my head. sometimes, just the tiniest details...anyway, i was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt....

and i totally let steve interact with his mom. it's the only way i can stay sane. 

 

Celyn

Now, had you said he lays on his side while lining up the toys, then she'd have something :P

On the plus side, you have perfect diction.  Hehe.

futrkingsley

I'm sorry.  It would suck to feel so attacked like that.  When I read your post, I thought the same thing she did and I'm not a professional, just a mom who reads too much.  As a grandmother she might say things that annoy you (don't they all?) but at least your kid will have someone in their corner looking at the bigger picture rather than at "oh how cute and special" they are.

amyfelice

I think the point is not that she thought it but that she said it.

Dragonfly_Bride

It's more that she decided to voice this opinion pretty off-offhandedly, and in my opinion that's reckless. It wasn't based on observation or anything else. but, I'm not upset at you guys "defending" her, lol.