Ladies who've had a late loss

may2806

I just wanted to touch base with the other ladies on this board who've had a late loss. I've had m/cs as well but going through labor and delivery and holding my tiny baby in my arms was just a completely different experience. I think that being IF and going through as many treatments as I have also gives a different perspective - I can't just go and have sex to get pg again, and I've been grieving for years already. I have a new emotion every few minutes. I don't know where to go from here - another cycle, adoption, my SIL offered to be a GC for us. The road just seems so long. I want my baby back. Sorry there's really no point to this post, just wondering what the other late loss ladies are feeling too.

illinigal

Hugs.  I'm so sorry for your loss.  I totally understand the range of emotions.  Going thru L&D and holding them was amazing... I can't wait to get that feeling again.  I cried alot the first few weeks post loss, but have been doing better for the most part, but every once in awhile I still cry.  When people say, oh you can try again, I want to punch them...most people don't know it took so long and multiple IVF to get pregnant last time.  I thougt I was doing pretty good until yesterday's discussion on cerclages (you should check it out below) and today's discussion with my RE.  After I got off the phone, I just started bawling because I was so sad we can't do IVF this year... Feeling like life is on hold for all this is tough.  Thank goodness for the amazing bump ladies who always understand.

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illinigal:

Hugs.  I'm so sorry for your loss.  I totally understand the range of emotions.  Going thru L&D and holding them was amazing... I can't wait to get that feeling again.  I cried alot the first few weeks post loss, but have been doing better for the most part, but every once in awhile I still cry.  When people say, oh you can try again, I want to punch them...most people don't know it took so long and multiple IVF to get pregnant last time.  I thougt I was doing pretty good until yesterday's discussion on cerclages (you should check it out below) and today's discussion with my RE.  After I got off the phone, I just started bawling because I was so sad we can't do IVF this year... Feeling like life is on hold for all this is tough.  Thank goodness for the amazing bump ladies who always understand.

Many hugs to both of you, I can't even wrap my head around the pain you both have gone through.  I truly can't even imagine how hard it must be to forge ahead through life and the struggles of IF on top of a late loss just makes it even worse.  My thoughts are with you both!!

Jackie2200

I hear you sweetie.  It's just not fair.  A late loss is one of the worst things that can happen to anyone.  To have a late loss, on top of IF is just crueler than cruel.  It is so hard and you will get better but it is a different kind of better-you're definitely changed and will never be the same. 

It's been 9 months for me.  Every first is hard:  First mother's day, first Halloween, first Tgiving....I'm sitting here crying because my parents said that they don't feel like traveling this Thanksgiving to see us.  I know that if the boys were here, I wouldn't have had to even ask them to come-they would have begged us to invite them. 

For us, holding the babies was great and I loved seeing my DH love the babies.  He was so tender and sweet.  I want that again.  I want to be a family of many.  I want to go to school plays and soccer games. 

For us, more IVFs were somewhat of an easy choice.  We have insurace coverage for 3 and when those didn't work, my DH took a new job with new insurance and we got 3 more tries.  We were considering adoption and DE too but DH really wanted to try for a bio child and the RE told me I had the next 10 years to work with DE so that I should really try with my own now becasue I'm youngish (though a very poor responder). 

Do I hate cycling and being IF?  Yes. More than anything.  Was it worth it?  Maybe.  I hope so.  I am currently 11 weeks pg after IVF#4 (3rd IVF post loss). 

Am I happy now that I'm pg?  I'm more scared than happy at this point.  That being said, in a way, I'm happier now than I when I was cycling.   I'm also sad that I have to go through this again. I know I will love this new baby, but I really want my boys back too. 

I hope that you recover a little more each day.  It gets easier but never gets easy. 

 

DesiraeSunshine

::hugs:: im not going to lie to you, I still have really hard days. We just got the courage to start IVF again, but its bringing up alot of feeling I wasn't ready for. I also feel that I've been grieving to some extent for the last 2+ years trying for a baby...then losing them, crushing defeat. IF and loss really sucks, we shouldn't have to deal with both.

cookie_queen

IF and late loss is a horrible, unfair combo. I'm so sorry you have joined this club. It's a rollercoaster emotionally. Eventually it gets a little easier but the bad days/weeks still happen. 

After 2 failed FETs I wonder all the time what our next steps will be and if they are the right ones and if we'll be able to afford adoption if we decide to go that route and if we'll be able to afford a child if we ever have one and... The list goes on.

I would love 5 minutes with a crystal ball.  

mdluv21

I totally understand everything you are saying.  I even remember my doctors saying to me that any late loss is tragic but that mine was heartbreaking because they knew they couldn't just say wait a few months to let your body heal and then try and again and we will see you very soon.

It is so hard to be back at the starting point especially when it feels like your heart is breaking in two from missing your baby/babies so badly.

I say give yourself some time.  The first few weeks I was very anti ever trying to get pregnant again but with some time, research and meeting with lots of doctors, almost 9 months later I am feeling ready to try again.

I am thinking of you sweetie - just hang in there and try not to think too far down the road.  In the beginning, I gave myself credit for small things, just getting out of bed, going to the store, return a phone a call.  Slowly things will start to feel a little more manageable.

Please let me know if you need to talk.  ((hugs))