When did you go back to work? — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

When did you go back to work?

Hello ladies. I had my second miscarriage yesterday. Cramping started Saturday afternoon and around 2pm on Sunday I started to bleed. I called my OB who advised me to go to the hospital and ended up doing a D&C. I was 9 weeks.
I feel so tired, angry, hurt, and depressed today. This time feels so much harder than my previous loss.

I was very sick this time around so I'd already informed my boss about my pregnancy. I called him today to let him know I wouldn't be in tonight and that I'd lost the baby and was met with a bit of an attitude. He asked when I would be back and I said I wasn't sure yet. He then told me, 'I hope you don't plan on milking this too much- we're very busy this week.'

Am I doing something wrong here? I work a very physical 3rd shift job in a warehouse and I know I would be useless if I did go in tonight. How long did you ladies take off before you went back to work? Am I being lazy by taking off at all?

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Re: When did you go back to work?

  • I'm so sorry for your losses. I took a week off from work to recover physically and emotionally. You are NOT being lazy. You deserve to recover from a physically and emotionally draining experience.

    No offense, but your boss sounds like an a s s. 

    (((HUGS)))

    Missed miscarriage D&C May 2011, Missed miscarriage D&C October 2011 Expecting a baby girl in 2013!
  • wow, sounds like your boss is super insensitive! Sorry he reacted like that to you. I personally only took two days off of work (the day I had the D&C and the day after) and felt the need to return to "normalcy" as soon as possible.  It definitely was hard to go back to work but luckily only two people knew that I was pregnant and they were VERY supportive.  I think you should take as long as you need.  This is a very difficult thing to go through and you need to grieve and heal at your own pace.  My doctor had mentioned that she would be willing to write me a doctor's note if I wanted/needed to take off more days so maybe your doctor can do that for you as well since your boss seems like he is being a jerk.  Sorry for your loss.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • I don't think you're doing anything wrong. I think your boss is being a jerk about this.

    I haven't miscarried yet-I'm in the waiting game, unfortunately...but judging by my cramping and back pain I'm sure it will come soon. I have off until I decide otherwise. I'll probably go back this week, but not until after Wednesday when I go in for more tests and another appointment. 

    I'm sorry your boss is being a jerk. But most of all-I'm sorry for your loss. I'm experiencing my second MC now. The first one I was off from Friday-Monday. This time it's TBD because I'm not sure if I'll have a DNC or not.

    You're in my T&P's. I'm sorry again.

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  • I'm so sorry for your loss, and for your boss being such a jerk. Take off what you need and please don't feel bad about it.

    I took off 2 days, and then went back on a Thursday for 2 days of inservice... the speaker for the 2 days started off by saying she was 5 months pregnant.... I left at the first break and didn't go back until Monday. So yeah... wait until you're ready, and then give yourself more if you end up needing it.

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  • Thank you all for your kind, supportive words. My boss is a jerk- all the more reason I'm hoping to go back to school and get out of my dead end job.

    I feel better knowing other people took time off. My boss had managed to make me feel a bit guilty for staying home. I called my OB and she said she'd be happy to write me a note for as long as I'd need.

    Karebear- I'm so sorry you're having to play the 'wait and see' game. It must be very hard not knowing. You'll in my thoughts and prayers. 

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • I'm so sorry for your losses.  I'm sorry your boss is so insensitive too.  I took a half day last Monday (the first day back after I found out) and I took a half day today (since I'm still having pretty bad cramps and I passed some big clots yesterday).  I think it's different for everyone though.  If you need to take off a week, don't feel guilty about it.  I work in a very small office (4 people) and no one knew about my pregnancy, so it wasn't a big deal for me to be working my desk job last week, but doing physical labor is a totally different situation.  Did you tell you boss you had surgery and he still expects you to be there?  Man, this story made me angry!
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  • I'm very sorry for your losses. :(

    Um OMG your boss is being a jerk! Could you potentially get a letter from your OB stating you should not be doing physical labor after a D&C?? Mercy. This makes me furious for you.

    Take the time that you need and do not feel bad. Just state what you need and dont' worry about the rest. I worked at home a lot during my miscarriage and took a few days when it got really bad. I am at a really small firm where it's like family, so I was lucky that the partners were so understanding (and are mostly women).

    My T&P's are with you.

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  • I'm so sorry for your loss and for your boss' reaction. He clearly doesn't understand. I'd get a Dr's note to him with as much time mentioned off as you need it.

    I was off work today, and I am planning on staying home tomorrow. If nothing progresses naturally, I think I will be scheduling a D&C so I can return to work without worry of needing to leave or having excessive bleeding while there. I'm a teacher and feel bad "abandoning" my class all week. 

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  • Sorry for your loss.  Your boss is being a jerk.  I took a full week off, last week I worked 2 half days and 2 full days.  Today was my last half day and I will go back full-time tomorrow.  I had been on bed rest for 3 weeks before I lost my son.  My boss did the same thing to me, she told me to take all the time I needed, but then last week I got attitude when I said what I was working, even though I had someone to work for me when I wasn't there.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • I called and talked to my boss tonight and he told me to take off until I was physically and emotionally ready to come back. I told him I felt bad and I felt like I was disappointing him. (This week I became the only full time person in my office.) He told me not to worry about it. I was free to stay off as long as I needed to with no worries. I love my boss.

    I hope the OP's boss gets his head of out of asss.

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  • I'm so sorry for your loss.  You should take as much time off as much time as you need.  I had my D&C on a Friday and went back to work Monday.  I missed my students and wanted my old life back.  But that was me.  You should be ready to go back physically and emotionally.  It's always hard going back but it gets easier.  **Hugs to you**
  • I'm so sorry for your loss. I left work 1/2 way through my shift on 10/14 to go to the ER b/c of bleeding. I had my D&C 10/18. I'm returning to work tomorrow, 2 weeks after my D&C. I had an extremely hard time dealing with the grief and couldn't bear to see everyone at work and have them give me their sympathy. I went to the Dr. a week ago today and she gave me some medication and it has helped so much. I'm finally thinking I'm ready to return to work tomorrow.

    You should go back when your ready. Don't let your boss rush you into something that you're not ready for. Call your DR's office and ask them to write you a note  excusing your absence so he can't say anything. 

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  • Wow, I am so sorry you have to deal with such an insensitive jerk of a boss. You definitely did not deserve that from him.

    I miscarried about a week and a half before I was going on vacation. Because I was taking 7 days off for vacation, and it was also one of my busiest times at work (go figure), I didn't want to take time off. But we do have the option to work from home. So I worked from home Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday after my miscarriage on Saturday. I told my bosses that it was for medical reasons and they told me to take as much time as I needed. It wasn't so much for the physical healing as it was the emotional healing. I just wasn't ready to be around people so soon.

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  • I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope you are holding up okay.

    As for your boss.... He is a jerk! & I would let him know that if I were you. What he said is so insensitive. You are doing nothing wrong! You are not lazy! 

     

    ((hugs)) 

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    "Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it" 
    --Helen Keller 

    4 miscarriages: Nov 2009,  Jan 2011, Sept 2011,  Oct 2012
    IVF Round 1:
    3/4/15: Egg Retrieval
    16 Eggs Retrieved -- 15 Fertilized via ICSI -- 10 Blastocysts Biopsied for PGD & PGS -- 2 (male) Blastocysts Remain for Transfer
    5/13/15: FET -- 5/26/15: BFN
    CANCELLED IVF Round 2.

    Living a happy, child-free life with my best friend.
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  • I talked to my boss today and he apologized (after I explained how rude I felt he'd been) and told me just to call in every night until I'm able to return to work. 

    I feel better today physically, but mental I feel worse than yesterday. I'm exhausted today. I know I need to get up and do SOMETHING but I just don't want too. 

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • image kayrahhbear:

    I talked to my boss today and he apologized (after I explained how rude I felt he'd been) and told me just to call in every night until I'm able to return to work. 

    I feel better today physically, but mental I feel worse than yesterday. I'm exhausted today. I know I need to get up and do SOMETHING but I just don't want too. 

    I'm so glad you said something & that he apologized. :)

    I'm glad you are feeling okay physically. The emotional part is the toughest... Give yourself this time to grieve. ((hugs)) thinking of you, sweetie! :) 

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    "Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it" 
    --Helen Keller 

    4 miscarriages: Nov 2009,  Jan 2011, Sept 2011,  Oct 2012
    IVF Round 1:
    3/4/15: Egg Retrieval
    16 Eggs Retrieved -- 15 Fertilized via ICSI -- 10 Blastocysts Biopsied for PGD & PGS -- 2 (male) Blastocysts Remain for Transfer
    5/13/15: FET -- 5/26/15: BFN
    CANCELLED IVF Round 2.

    Living a happy, child-free life with my best friend.
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