Hmmm...
RenandStimpy
member
Ill just post my thoughts..and some of what Im just dying to ask.
One of you actually told me how long you waited to move in with SO.
S.O. and I have been dating for about 9 months. We are just now moving in together.
Im not flaming any of you all for your opinions. They are what they are. However not all people are the same. I must remind you the same with parenting goes with relationships. Everyone has their own bounderies and limits and goals. Just because someone does something one way does not mean its bad, its just different and in their rights to live and parent, and love the way they want.
We have been preparing for this for a while, he has been going to classes for parenting, as well as ex's GF. Everyone needs to be apart of this family. We have been urged by a friend of the judge, who does family wills and such for us, that the more we wok together and put time into the classes, therapy and working with DD's father... the better this will all be. Im so happy because now I know what the judge is really looking at.
Im not saying we are perfect and will live happily ever after...there is no such thing. Its all hard work. im just lucky I found someone who doesnt mind.
Re: Hmmm...
Wow. I would respond to you. But honestly nothing I have to say is good. So Ill leave it at that.
getting involved, btw, is soemthing you probably interpret completely different. Some people cant have sex while pregnent, werent even in the position to do so and never considered it.
But you calling me trashy over things that you just assume is beyond belief. I hope you do something for your attitude soon.
You don't get it, do you?
At first, I thought you might just be a drama queen, but now it is hitting me. You really don't get it.
Are you in a position to be married? I don't even know if you're divorced yet. Have you taken the time to work with your children to make sure the counseling they need to recover from what all has happened to them so far? Have you taken the time to become financially self-sufficient ON YOUR OWN!!! Who gives a battyfuck that you've been seeing this dude for 9 months. Yippy-flippin-who. That means, you got pregnant, left your husband and met new guy like five minutes later.
You have processed ZERO of your anger, ZERO of the issues that led to you being in an abusivie marriage, and worked on establishing ZERO skills and habits to put in place to ensure that you never do this again. That's right, ZERO.
This is not about just "I wanna move in with my boyfriend" and that's what you don't get. So, once again, I will post the nestie list of crap you need to do before anyone gets excited about moving in with the boyfriend:
1. GET DIVORCED
2. Finish your education
3. Get financially self sufficient. Sufficient = I can pay for my life and my kids without the help of any man I meet.
4Set up deep counseling for you, and your children. Follow through with it RELIGIOUSLY.
5. Slowly, in small doses and increments AND NEVER OVERNIGHT introduce your children to your boyfriend.
6. Then get married.
7. Then he moves in.
Are these small enough words for you yet?
Uhm yes, it is quite possible to have sex while pregnant so your little assertion just adds fuel to the stupid heifer fire. I wouldn't repeat that little declaration again.
Secondly, nine whole months? Oooo I take back everything I said. You have totally thought this threw like a rational woman who hasn't been borderline abused, doesn't still have pregnancy hormones raging through her and two very recent, likely just as ill conceived relationships behind her.
Click me, click me!
I'm not judging you. I personally have thought your decisions aren't wise.
1. You're only about 25 yrs old and you have 3 children.
2. You suspect that your ex hurt one of your older 2 kids.
3. You're not divorced yet but you've already introduced your boyfriend to your kids.
4. Your youngest son is 3 months old.
5. You met your now boyfriend when you were pregnant with your ex's baby.
6. You haven't finished your education.
7. You left your child with your ex who you accused of hurting your child, to be with your boyfriend for a vacation.
8. Just after 9 months of dating this guy, you KNOW he's the one.
This screams immaturity and afraid of being without a man.
In Ren's defense, she was never married to the current Ex
Not that it makes her situation OK by any means. . .
You don't get it. Your right everyone's parenting syle is different, however your completly screwing up your 2 older children by bringing in this BF only after 9 m of dating him. I don't care how "different" your relationship is. It IS NOT fair to your children! HMMMM
amen & amen again to everything you've said... especially # 8!!
yes my divorce to my oldests childs father...who i married young and couldnt locate fo 5 years and didnt have the 1500 dollars to divorce him without knowing where he was.
If you havent understood that I didnt ask for advice. I was simply letting you all know the news. So now you know. Ill post again when I need advice. and GSD...Im pretty sure that no matter what I wont need yours. You need to take a step back and realize that petty statements and trying to belittle someone just makes your facade obvious.
This seems to be the (big & very important part) that you keep missing! There are children involved here and they are effected by everything you are doing! If you believed one of your children was abused by your ex, why in gods name would you ever leave them alone with him... to go on a vacation nontheless!
Also (and again) children need stability. Dating so soon and exposing your children to your other dude to them soon (after being through so much with their father) is unwise. Don't you understand that you're not the only one hurting from things of the past?? You're children are too! I'm pretty sure they feel confused and hurt as well! And trust me, if your child had been abused, and hasn't had counseling, he's not just going to forget or get over it!
I don't know I'm even bothering to post... it seems like you are about YOU and no concern for the kids!
And yes Ive supported myself this entire time without anyones help. All because Ive been really selective with what money is spent on, and how my savings will go.
I got a job so now I dont have to worry about that, I got a job WITH my degree, in which Ill recieve in Dec. But did complete my course work.
For some of you who dont want to "flame" me, then stop?!???? I dont understand how a bunch of supportive women can be so very rediculous at times.
Again I didnt ask for advice, Im making my own decisions, that I have thought about carefully and discussed with my counselor, my sons, and our family attorney who has been helping me with planning this case.
I started my divorce last month, it should be done...sometime before the end of the year. We havent started planning a wedding and have put off any plans we had made until we get settled. And anyone who has common sense would know deep down, it doesnt matter how you feel about someone, people change, you change. Its not about puppy love, its not about til death do us part...stuff happens...things dont always turn out that way. But so far, Ive got a friend in the one adult who matters to me. And thats enough for now.
If thats not how you live your life thats fine, you dont have to critisize others. Unless your just egocentric and think everyone has to fit a cookie cutter image. In that case your like my ex, and want everything to "appear" great....good luck with that.
yes my divorce to my oldests childs father...who i married young and couldnt locate fo 5 years and didnt have the 1500 dollars to divorce him without knowing where he was
Again this is a pattern. You're too young for all this drama.
You also mentioned you couldn't afford a good lawyer for the issues you're having with your second ex.
Money is an issue - perhaps if you went back to school, got better prepared, you would have a better chance of stability on your OWN.
Please STOP posting. My head hurts from banging it against the brick wall.
The facts are very clear, you post the same information, just variations and we give you the same advice. (you have posted about moving in with BF a handful of times and you have been told that it is a bad idea each and every time).
But you do it anyway, knowing that AT THIS POINT, we are going to give you hell for it.
WHY? What is it that YOU get out of this merrygoround?
Here is the thing - morality aside, what does your daughter's court appointed therapist think about this? Because (as I have said in the past) this could very well bite you in the buttocks.
I have to say I went through hell and high water, I dont know how many corrections we did on our application. (I didnt have income the first time and of course we didnt make enough solo). Enough said about getting yourself prepared.
You know? Just because people don't agree doesn't mean they're criticizing you.
Girl - let your bedsheets cool.
Amen to letting the bedsheets cool. You shouldnt always go after the first stick that comes your way. Think about your children, your future. You have to find yourself before you can comitt to a man.
Besides i like cookie cutters there cute and hey the cookie may be the same, but the frosting is always different!!!
Flo - It was worth reading through all this just to see this remark. Awesome.
I've read your posts but I don't think I've ever responded....but I have to agree with the other girls here. Moving in with another man should be at the bottom of your list.
Ok so I heard about you on TIP, so I decided to see what all the noise was about. I tried to read ALL of your post, and honestly its way too much!!!!
Let me say that I just skimmed through some of the most recent ones. But I do have some statements/ questions.
Do you not having anyone else to talk to, besides coming on here to share the drama in your life. I ask only because the advice that you are given you do not like or agree with, or you feel like people are jumping all over you. So with that said why do you continue to share the drama on the board?
Secondly, I do not know the complete background of the situation with you children and their father, but I will say that you need to calm the *** down, and stop feeling like the court system owes you something. Once that judge or lawyer sees that you are angry, and knit pick at everything, you will only come across bitter and a drama queen. And please remember that no one owes you anything, not even your ex. Who should be owed something and everything are your children!!!! One of your comments on a previous post came across that you were mad that he wouldn't take one of the kids off your hands, for you to get a break. I think you are more mad at the fact that he has some freedom versus the amount of freedom that you have. And I am sure you have heard it before but you made this choice, and you should have thought about freedom before you had another child. He shouldn't be looked at as a babysitter. Not taking up for him or his behaivor but you are going to make him look like saint in court with everything you are doing.
And as much as I know you are not going to listen, you really need to focus on you and your kids only. Take time out to get your shit together. How do you have energy to put in a relationship with this man but you are to drained to me a mom all the time. Then you refer to him as being a great freind? I hope you sre not looking for help with the kids and that is why you are so set on including him in your life. And just curious why didn't you take all your kids with you on vacation? I mean why just your daughter? Again you need to really get shit right with you and your kids.
*snerk* "just now" like you've waited a long time. That is hysterical.
You are a twenty-five year old mother of three who is once divorced with no degree.
You have anger and abuse issues.
You are a drama llama.
*snerk* You life is a laughable failure, but you just keep on rolling that ball up the hill, don't cha?