Why does other people being naive bother me so much? — The Bump
Pregnant after a Loss

Why does other people being naive bother me so much?

I don't understand why I let myself get so irritated by other people being so naive about their pregnancy.  Like a week ago, DH was telling me that a college friend of his posted on FB that they are expecting a baby on 5/26/12.  Which means she was announcing her pregnancy at about 9 weeks along.  I'm 12 weeks and I'm not even close to announcing yet--other than parents and siblings and one close friend, no one knows I am pregnant.  I see similar things on my BMB.  People who are posting their FB announcements to the world at like 8 and 9 weeks, or saying that they've already told everyone at 7 weeks.  Then today, there's a post on my BMB asking who's decorated their nurseries already, and a bunch of people are like, "I have!"  And keep in mind the farthest person along on my BMB is 14 weeks. 

I don't know if it's a jealousy thing--like I wish I could be that naive again or just like a frustration thing.  I mean everyone knows, whether they've had a loss or not, that 1st tri is an extremely high risk period.  Everyone.  And the fact that people start ordering cribs and painting nurseries and announcing their pregnancies at 8, 9, or even 10 weeks pregnant, I just don't understand.  It just seems so foolish.

I think I'm just being a huge b*tch, but for some reason this just REALLY makes me nuts.  I totally get my panties in a bunch about it.  Is it just me?  Am I just the bitter PgAL lady or what?

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Re: Why does other people being naive bother me so much?

  • I felt the same way. I wish I could be naive again. We are just now starting the nursery (by starting I mean we just textured the walls,still no paint), & I'll be 32 weeks on wednesday.
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  • Nope, not at all. Im 17 weeks and dont plan on announcing on fb until after the a/s to make sure everything is going ok (even though I know im not 100% safe). I announced at 10 weeks last pregnancy after a good u/s appt. and it still ended badly at 13 weeks. I get so annoyed with my bmb because of the niavety. I guess for me it is mostly jealousy but even when I was naive with my first DDs I still didn't really buy much until after the anatomy scan and wasn't planning the nursery until the 6 or 7th month. This one will be lucky to have a finished nursery before he is born.
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  • I get it.  I think it's silly and wasteful to some extent to start buying stuff until you're further along.  Even with my first pregnancy, I didn't buy anything and I certainly didn't announce it to anyone.  The naivete drives me up a wall, and maybe part of it is jealousy.  I just think it's stupid and try to ignore it.

    mm 2/17/11 * dd born 4/20/12 * bo 1/3/14 * edd 1/21/ 1/15 

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  • ((hugs)) just seeing that kinda of behavior stings for sure.  I think it is just our sadness over losing that naivete, that feeling that nothing bad can happen - it's gone for us.  It's not jealous, it's not anger - it's feeling oddly scared and more real that we know what can happen and we had to learn about it first hand.  It isn't fair but it just is how it is.  A guy DH works with just posted an (at max) 8 week u/s on FB....yeah.  seeing that hurt.  but I think it hurt because we were like hmm... we are further than they are and want to be happy and share this great news too but can't feel safe to do so yet, it is just a weird feeling.  seeing him get all the congrats at work kind of hurt DH because inside he was wanting to share our news too.

    As far as planning a nursery and buying a bunch of stuff right off the bat - that seems really weird and crazy to me regardless of having a loss or not. but whatever floats their boat I guess.

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  • I am totally with you. I don't think we are bitter PGAL people, per se, just realistic.
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  • It drives me crazy too.  I have a friend that recently announced on FB that she is pregnant with her 3rd.  She made the announcement at not even 7 weeks.  Now there is a weekly post about where the baby is developmentally.  I also found out that another friend and his wife are expecting (still in the 1st trimester).  Her birth control failed when she took E at Burning Man.  While she has always wanted kids, he is in school full time and she is just getting her career off the ground, and they party all the time. They were definitely not planning on starting their family until after he's out of school.  I know they will be great parents, but it's going to be a huge lifestyle change for them, which worries me. 

    Drives me crazy!

    TTC #1 since 8/09
    BFP#1 - 9/2/10, EDD 5/14/11, Twins Hannah and Liam lost 11/7/10 @ 13w1d.
    BFP #2 - 2/9/11, EDD 10/13/11, LO lost 2/13/11 @ 5w4d
    BFP #3 - 5/9/11, DS born 1/13/12

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  • I totally understand.  I think I am jealous of people being that naive and just assuming that everything will be okay now that they're pregnant.  I will never be able to feel that way again. 

    I'm now 17 weeks, and haven't announced yet.  I lost our son at 22weeks, so there will be no 'safe zone' for me.  We have an appointment this week, and I'm trying to convince myself that I should just announce it if all is well after that ultrasound.  Many of my family and friends know - the ones that see me all the time, but there are a lot that don't.  It's becoming fairly obvious now. 

    I get more irritated by the people who update every day how they're feeling, how sick they are, etc. etc.  I have one girl on my fb who posts something about her baby and husband every.single.day.  I'm lucky to update my facebook status once every 2 weeks.  haha.  to each their own I guess. 

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  • It's not just you and you're not bitter.

    I'm a little over 22 weeks and I still haven't made the FB announcement, or told people at work other than my bosses and those who supported me during my loss.  I'm really big around the middle, so LO is hiding really well in my belly fat.  I'm hoping to hold out till Thanksgiving, which is in a couple of weeks and past V-day for me.  I just have an idea about my nursery and I haven't bought anything, nor started a registry yet.

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  • imagejaxie320:
    I am totally with you. I don't think we are bitter PGAL people, per se, just realistic.

    Ditto!   I haven't even outed myself on FB either!   Yes, I'm a bit paranoid.  lol

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  • imageSweetTurnip:

    Well, I don't know. I announced on FB at 8/9 weeks after our u/s and telling families because all our family is on FB and I knew it would get out. I wanted to be the one, not someone else letting it slip. I also don't have a lot of people I'm not really "friends" with on my FB. After two losses, I don't consider myself "naive".

    Everyone is different.

    Totally, to each her own.  And like I said, I'm not even sure what the feeling is.  I'm 99% sure it's just jealousy, rather than, oh God that girl is STOO-PID for announcing.  It just totally bums me out and makes me nuts that someone can be 7 weeks along and announce to the world that they are pregnant and start decorating the nursery and it like does not even occur to them that something could go wrong, when really, I live with that fear on a daily basis.  I mean I'm walking around in my office in loose fitted clothes and holding papers in front of my belly because I'm already showing and I'm still refusing to tell anyone because what if something goes wrong and I have to untell??  And the fact that those girls can tell and it doesn't even occur to them that there could be negative consequences just makes me insane.

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    BFP #2 8/29/11 ~ EDD 5/12/12. 4/25/12: Our take home baby is here!
     BFP #3 8/27/13 ~ EDD 5/11/14.  4/27/14:  Our second take home baby is here!

  • Peanut, I totally agree... I totally avoid any posts about shopping for baby clothes or nurseries or anything like that on the BMB because I just feel bad (or sorry?  I don't know... maybe jealous) for those ladies.  I just don't want them to make a huge mistake.....

    BFP#1 EDD 11/8/11 - MC @ 9w6d, 4/15/11 we said goodbye
    BFP#2 DD arrived 5/7/12
  • It drives me crazy to a degree. If it's the people that really just have the " it won't happen to me" attitude then yeah, it's highly annoying. I don't know when I plan on announcing this time. I'm still terrified that at any moment it's all going to end. So I'm certainly not to a point where announcing is even a thought.

    As for buying things, I am opposite. With our first I literally had nothing to remember her. Nothing. So when I became pregnant the second time I made a point to buy things specifically for that baby. I'm glad I did because it's all in her memory box and one day I do hope to hand these things down to a brother or sister. I've already bought one thing for this baby too. For me it's definitely not naivety, it's just my way of comforting myself.


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