1st Trimester

Preggo before Marriage

Hey guys,

Did anyone else get pregnant before marriage? I am going to be 39 this week, DBF is 38. We are together a year and it happened. I'm grateful as we were going to start a family at some point but friends and some family keep asking "When are you getting married". My future MIL told us she was very unhappy with our decision to wait until after the baby is born-and later apolgized cause she knew we were pissed.  Although we are going to do a justice of the peace ceremony so as to be married prior-then hopefully next December have a church ceremony with a reception. I have been married before but DBF wanted a big reception so I don't see why we can't do it after the baby is born. My future MIL wanted me to plan a wedding in 6 weeks, meanwhile I've had awful morning sickness and feel yuck. And I was bleeding at one point. We decided  it was more important to take care of me and the baby than plan a wedding. I just get tired of the questions. Sorry for the rant.

Re: Preggo before Marriage

  • Congrats on your wonderful surprise! You and I both know that there is nothing wrong with your situation. :) MIL are notoriously difficult and from the sounds of it this is just the beginning for you, sorry to say! I agree with holding off until after the baby is born to get married. There is nothing more wonderful than when a couple includes their children in their wedding ceremony! Congrats again and think happy thoughts! 
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  • don't stress it! DH and I got engaged when i was 20 and that was 4 years ago. We never really spoke about getting married, but in the past 6 months we figured we're just going to go to city hall and get it over with, after being engaged for 4 years, you kind of feel married already.  We found out I was pregnant in September, and of course we were not married yet - DH is 31 and wanted to start a family, so we decided to just go to city hall once and for all and get married. It would not have made a difference to me whether or not we raised the baby married or not, as long as we love each other.  Of course family got in the way, and said it would look bad if we weren't married.  I think you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable, and of course your health and babies is most important.
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  • Marriage is not a necessary part of having a baby.  It is a choice that should not be rushed into, nor should anyone make you feel guilty for not being married.  The important thing is that you and the daddy-to-be are in a stable, loving relationship and that you both are ready to bring a baby into that relationship.

    Congrats!

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  • Sorry you have to deal with that!  Congrats on the baby and the wedding, and frankly, if you know you're happy and together I don't think the order of things matters much!  Good luck!

    Married DH 7/30/11

    CSC arrived 5/7/12 

    CHC arrived 6/2/14

  • We found out we were pregnant about a month ago, We've had a June 17th 2012 wedding planned since Jan 2011... When we found out we were pregnant and the doctor told us my due date is the 16th or 17th I about had a heart attack. My brain immediately went into overdrive. Everyone keeps asking us when the wedding is going to be now, and we've had to change the date once before. So it seems as if it will NEVER happen, but we have chosen Sept 9th, 2012 and no matter what we are keeping that date lol When family or friends says "ohh congrats, but when are you going to have the wedding?" my response is "You get to find out around Christmas when our save the dates will be mailed :)" It usually helps them quit asking :) Good Luck and wishing you a H&H 9 months!
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  • Thanks for the support guys! I feel the same way! We had intended on getting married in 2012 anyways and the baby came along. I think future MIL is worried about what people will think--funny thing is she was preggo at 19 and got married real quick. But times were different back then and she can't expect her son to do the same thing. I'm so grateful for DBF and what we share and I look forward to our future together. I guess I just need to ignore any comments, especially from his Mom. She has already said things in the past that don't make me happy and I try to put it aside so I don't cause myself any undue stress. But when she pulled this crap I told him he needed to talk to her and apparently she apologized first cause she saw my reaction to her statement. She is going to learn real soon that we are not kids and can make our own decisions. My fam is behind me 100 percent so I'm lucky for that. I really appreciate these boards! Thanks for your feedback!

     

  • I got pregnant with my first child before I was married.  I was with my (at that time boyfriend, now husband) for about 2.5 years when we got pregnant.  My mom wanted us to get married immediately also, but understood why I didn't want to.  IT was a first time marriage for both of us, and we didn't want to rush it.  He propsed to me when our son was 3 months old, and we were married when he was almost a year and a half - he was our ring bearer and I wouldn't have had it any other way! :)

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  • First of all, congratulations!! We were not in this situation ourselves, but both DH and I have several friends who had a baby with their boyfriends/girlfriends, a few of whom later got married. Please don't let anyone make you feel like the road you are on is the wrong one. All babies are blessings, and there's no wrong way to make a loving family! Also, you should never feel pressured into getting married for any reason, especially if that reason is a baby. If marriage is something that you both want for yourselves because you want to make that commitment, then it's a wonderful and easy decision. You should have your wedding on your own terms and on your own time line, and it should be exactly what you and your SO want, nothing more and nothing less. Good luck with everything, and I hope your morning sickness goes away!
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  • I just found out I'm pregnant, and guess what?! I found out the morning of my bachelorette party!!!!!!!!!  So guess who was sober at her own party!  I'm getting married in just a mere two weeks, November 2nd, so no one will know we're pregnant except for a few close friends, but I think if you do the math, people will eventually realize I was a few weeks pregnant before the wedding. 

    My fiance's sister and her (now) husband didn't get married till their first child was almost six months.  One of my cousin's got married fully popped and very preggo and she still wore a white dress and did the whole she-bang.

    Close your ears to anyone who is trying to rush you into your wedding.  Choose when you want to get married and how you want your ceremony to be and stick to your guns.  Do what's best for your partner and you and your baby, and then, that's all that matters.
  • My BFF and her boyfriend/daughter's father decided very purposefully not to get married now.  They had only been together a few months, and though they are quite the darling family, wanted to make sure they were making every decision for the right reasons.  I respect that SO much. 

    Congrats to you!

     

  • imageKissimi21:

    Marriage is not a necessary part of having a baby.  It is a choice that should not be rushed into, nor should anyone make you feel guilty for not being married.  The important thing is that you and the daddy-to-be are in a stable, loving relationship and that you both are ready to bring a baby into that relationship.

    Congrats!

    This. DH and I have been together almost 11 years, we have no plans to get married anywhere in the future. To us all marriage is is a piece of paper stating the 2 of you are legally married, and really nothing else. We have 2 kids together, and really will only get married if our kids really want us to.

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  • I was engaged to be married to my current boyfriend but after some problems with the way his family treats me I called it off. Take this time to be happy and don't stress over what everyone else thinks or wants. I understand that some people may frown upon the situation but frankly it's none of their damn business. Your baby isn't going to have 3 legs, blue hair or 4 sets of eyes because you didn't get married. Do they expect you, your boyfriend or your new addition to go without so you can get married now to please them?
  • imageMidwestIrishBride:
    I just found out I'm pregnant, and guess what?! I found out the morning of my bachelorette party!!!!!!!!!  So guess who was sober at her own party!  I'm getting married in just a mere two weeks, November 2nd, so no one will know we're pregnant except for a few close friends, but I think if you do the math, people will eventually realize I was a few weeks pregnant before the wedding. 

    My fiance's sister and her (now) husband didn't get married till their first child was almost six months.  One of my cousin's got married fully popped and very preggo and she still wore a white dress and did the whole she-bang.

    Close your ears to anyone who is trying to rush you into your wedding.  Choose when you want to get married and how you want your ceremony to be and stick to your guns.  Do what's best for your partner and you and your baby, and then, that's all that matters.

     Similar situation, I found out I was pregnant 2 days after my bachelorette party...3 weeks before my wedding.  Get married when and how you want, I just would steer clear of the 2 ceremonies, unless one is strictly you, your significant other and both sets of parents.

    11/2010 Diagnosed with PCOS 
    10/31/11 M/C at 9 weeks
    1/12/13 DD was born
    4/9/16 DS was born 
    9/17 CP 
    6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19 

  • We are not married. We are not even engaged.  My boyfriend and I decided to try for children before we got married.  It might be a little backwards but we are both widows so nothing about our lives are "normal" anyway.  Everyone has been nothing but happy for us.  I expect we will get married (I know he is ring shopping) but it will be a JOP wedding...like I said this isnt our first rodeo and we don't want to spend a ton of money, we are saving it for "spud" :) 

    Both conceived using 7.5 mg Femara+Ovidrel+IUI

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  • Congrats on your pregnancy! 

    I met my husband 13 years ago.  We have only been married 1 1/2 years.  We moved in together, then built a new house, got engaged, got pregnant, had a baby and then tied to knot. We are still needing to go on our honeymoon :)

    I believe, however it works out for you is the right way for you.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker~ Diagnosed with PCOS in March 2009. Taking Metfomin for insulin resistance and irregular cycles/ovulation. Had healthy baby girl in Jan 2010 via C-Section (HTN and Breech Presentation).
    ~ Miscarry at 8 weeks with D&C in May 2011 (low progesterone).
    ~ Had a healthy baby girl in June 2012 via C-Section (on prometrium to sustain).
    ~ Surprise pregnancy at age 40!  Baby boy due April 26, 2021 (took prometrium to sustain once pregnancy was confirmed, 3rd C-Section planned).  
  • Congratulations! I too am not married yet and expecting my first. My boyfriend and I won't be getting married until our baby is born either. Take deep breaths, take care of you and the baby, and enjoy being pregnant (even though it is sometimes hard). Good luck! 

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  • We had planned to get married a little over a year from now. The pregnancy wasn't a part of that plan but I see no reason why the plan should have to change. We haven't told our families yet and I know both sides are going to be very, very upset but rushing the marriage is not the right solution for us and that's what we'll tell them.
  • This is one of the reasons why you save sex for marriage. So when you decide to get married, there are no extra pressures added in. I like your idea of a courthouse wedding now, and a big reception later. :) Plus - it is easier to be married when the baby is born so they have the new last name (it is not easy changing it later on)
    A - 4/27/12     D - 7/14/14
  • imageKissimi21:

    Marriage is not a necessary part of having a baby.  It is a choice that should not be rushed into, nor should anyone make you feel guilty for not being married.  The important thing is that you and the daddy-to-be are in a stable, loving relationship and that you both are ready to bring a baby into that relationship.

    Congrats!

    EXACTLY! Damn...now I dont have anything to say LOL

    Me and the BF are not married...probably wont be for a while. But it's ok with us and our friends and family.  We have known eachother for almost 14 years but just recently got together...and BAM were pregnant! I dont think theres anything wrong with having a baby before your married.  Some people dont see it that way, but hey...they arent the ones in your relationship right? So I say wait till your baby is here. You have enough to worry about without having to deal with planning a wedding. Good Luck to you. :)

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  • Personally, I think your doing nothing wrong. If you are married in 6 weeks, or after the baby, who cares. And for those who do, its not like they wouldnt figure it out when your baby is born 7 or 8 months after the wedding! MIL was right to apologize.
  • Congratulations!!  So I'm finding it more and more common for people to start questions marraige with a couple when having a child.  You are not doing a single thing wrong! It is your choice and your decision to do what you want with your life.   I've been with my fiance for 13 years.  I have no intention of marrying him, altough when we first started dating I wanted the big fairy tale wedding.  Now I just want the happy family without the added stress that a marriage puts on people.

    I too am tired of asking and wish there was a polite way to tell them to mind their business lol Smile

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  • First things first: congrats on your news! I too found out I was pregnant before I was married. I was engaged though, and we did a small courthouse ceremony about a week ago. We are planning on having a church ceremony and reception in 2013. Mine and his families didn't force us to get married, we wanted to (and good timing, it was the same weekend we originally picked!). Do what you feel is right. Being married is not a pre-requisite to having a child. 
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  • Thanks for all the advice and support..I wish you all the best of luck and congrats on your pregnancies as well!

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