Completely blindsided-vent **Siggy warning*** — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Completely blindsided-vent **Siggy warning***

So after our last m/c we told my IL's about our m/c's/TTC#2. MIL was so sympathetic and helpful.

Fastforward to tonight. Went over for family dinner, which apparently was to announce that SIL is pregnant. We were all sitting around and MIL calls me (and grandmother in law) over to look at pic on the phone...ultrasound picture. They all said "look at the next grandbaby" then stared at us for reaction. Well GMIL doesn't say much.... but I'm about to burst into tears. I ended up just walking away as DH said congrats.

I'm just so hurt at how someone who knows what I've been through and is supposed to be my family tells me. Maybe it's childish to say my feelings were hurt, but they the umpteenth degree. What a sh**ty night...

If this were you, would you say something later to MIL about it? or just let it go?

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BFP 12/07 with IUI#2 with Clomid/Ovidrel after 22 mos TTC<BR>
TTC #2: BFP #1 4/11 after unmedicated IUI#1-m/c 5/11<BR>
BFP #2 8/11 after unmedicated IUI#3-d&c 9/11<BR>
BFP #3 Suprise BFP!! EDD 9/18/12<BR>
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Re: Completely blindsided-vent **Siggy warning***

  • I would say that my feelings would be hurt.  I would tell your MIL that you are super excited for your SIL but that, in the future, it would help if someone could tell you and DH in private.  That way, you have time to prepare and be emotionally ready for congratulating your SIL/whoever else it happens to be in public.  This was very insensitive.  But, sometimes people are.  I am so sorry.

  • Oh, I'm so sorry--that is awful! I've been paranoid that my brother and SIL are going to announce soon and I've thought a lot about how I'd want them to tell me. I think I'm probably just being a little cray cray because they already have 3 and only originally though they'd want 2, but there's just something in my gut that's got me thinking about it. I think what you say and how really depends on the family dynamic. I have a great relationship with my ILs, but if I were in that situation I'd probably ask DH to talk to them and tell them that we're really happy for them, but to please be sensitive about discussing it in front of me, at least for a while.

    ((Big hugs)) 

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    Married my love 6/11/11 | MMC 10/11/11 | Eliza Frances born 9/18/12 | Rhett Garland born 2/24/14 

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  • Oh what an awful situation; big hugs to you!

    And shame on your ILs for not being a little more sensitive to your feelings, I would have been very hurt too. I would have your DH address it with his parents, I think your MIL should know how much she hurt, this might keep "ultrasound updates" down in the future as the months go by.

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    First BFP! 9/5/11- M/C 9wk5 1st U/S, no HB.
    Forever loved, little bug.

    Second BFP: 1/13/12. 2/13/12: Blighted Ovum diagnosis. Chromosomal testing showing complete tetraploidy. We'll miss you, little monkey and wish we could have known you. Two babies never to be in our arms, but always in our hearts.

    Third BFP: 5/4/12 EDD: 1/12/2013. Our rainbow baby, W, born 1/16/13 a healthy little boy!!! We love you honeybadger and are so so blessed to have brought you home!

    All "after loss" board ladies (PgAL, TTCAL, PAL, MC/PL) always welcome to post!
  • You have every right to be upset. I think some people just don't understand how sensitive we can be after a m/c. I'm sure you must be happy for SIL but at the same time, it's hard to look at an ultrasound picture and not get upset over it. Your MIL definitely should have been more careful about your feelings. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.

    If it were me, I probably wouldn't have the guts to tell my MIL. But I would most likely have DH say something to her.

    BFP #1 ~ EDD 5.20.2012 ~ MC 10.1.2011
    BFP #2 ~ EDD 11.15.2012 ~ CP 3.7.2012
    BFP #3 ~ DS born 12.03.2012

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