Does anyone else feel like they just imagined everything sometimes? There are moments when I feel like being pregnant is a distant memory, and his delivery seems like it was just a dream. Then I look around and see all the baby stuff. And know it wasn't a dream. But it seems so abstract sometimes...
It still feels surreal for me. Sometimes to remind myself that i have a daughter and she really passed away. I see her picture and I tell myself that's my daughter. How crazy. At the same time, the love I have for her is always there and I feel like she is missing.
I feel that way all the time. I keep thinking I am going to wake up from this nightmare. I am so mad that we all have to go through this.
Big hugs.
TTC since November 2009.
DH diagnosed with sperm antibodies.
IUI #1 = BFN
IUI #2 = BFN
On the road to IVF....
Egg Retrieval Jan 21, 2011
16 eggs retrieved
Egg transfer Jan 26, 2011
Only 2 viable eggs transferred.
1 IVF, 1 ICSI
IVF #1 = BFP :-)
10/3/11 No heart beat at 38 weeks:
Our baby Jack became an angel
12/14/11 = natural BFP
Rainbow baby Samantha Jacklyn born8/8/12.
all the time... I also find myself thinking if I pretend I wasn't pregnant this will all be easier to get through. But that is not healthy and I know I need to face my loss.
Married October 28, 2006, TTC since March 2009
IUI #1-8 w/ clomid = BFN
IVF # 1 May, 2011 = BFP!!! Stillbirth at 26 weeks (placental failure/severe IUGR)
FET #1 February, 2012-- BFP! Beta #1=84 Beta #2= 207 Beta #3= 3,526
Our Rainbow Baby is on the Way!
I feel exactly the same way all the time it sucks!!! hugs to you!
DS- Brenden born 11/13/93
Missed miscarriage on March 6, 2007 @ 9 weeks D&C on March 8th 2007.
Riley Annalise born 2/25/08 ( 3 weeks early weighing 8 lbs 12.8 oz.)
Chemical pregnancy 3/2010.
Sydney Adriana born sleeping on 9/30/11 weighing 10lbs 3 oz at 38wks 4 days.
Trinity Alivia born via c section at 36 wks 4 days weighing 9 lbs. 5.7 oz. She is our amazing rainbow baby!!!
PGAL buddy drvst8
When I was in the hospital after the delivery, I kept waking up and thinking I was still pregnant and at home in bed. It still feels like a bad dream. HUGS.
Avery Alexander Napaluch born sleeping October 24, 2011 at 32 weeks. He was 4lbs. 9oz. and 17&1/2in. He was absolute perfection.
I got a tattoo for Adam about 4 months after he died. I remember thinking, maybe I should wait just in case things get better. Um, he died, and that would never change. There were times that I couldn't believe that it wasn't that long ago that I was pregnant with him. He's gone and I had no proof of that pregnancy. Going through this is all so surreal. I constantly feel like I'm in the twilight zone. (((hugs)))
Yes, and I think that's why I tell everyone I can about my son- to make it seem more real and so I can talk about him to my friends like other moms do. I remember telling one of my friends about a month out that I was waiting to wake up, and a small bit of me still holds onto the hope that I'll wake up.
I agree. I hate walking around in a store because I just want to be able to show everyone that I had a baby 3 months ago. I want to be the proud mommy with a cute baby in her carseat on top of a cart. The fact that everyone around me is oblivious makes me so sad. It feels like I made it all up... I am actually thinking of getting a tattoo (and I am not a tattoo person) just to have a permanent reminder of Annabelle on me.
I feel like that a lot. There are so many times that I feel like it was all just a dream, but I know it was real because of all of the pictures and the room full of baby things. It all feels like it happened in another lifetime, but in a way, I guess it did. That really was a different lifetime, because my life changed so much after.
Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms. BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d Too beautiful for this earth BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
Re: Did I imagine it?
I feel that way all the time. I keep thinking I am going to wake up from this nightmare. I am so mad that we all have to go through this.
Big hugs.
Married October 28, 2006, TTC since March 2009 IUI #1-8 w/ clomid = BFN
IVF # 1 May, 2011 = BFP!!! Stillbirth at 26 weeks (placental failure/severe IUGR)
FET #1 February, 2012-- BFP! Beta #1=84 Beta #2= 207 Beta #3= 3,526
Our Rainbow Baby is on the Way!
He was 4lbs. 9oz. and 17&1/2in. He was absolute perfection.
Mommy and Daddy love and miss you Avery.
? to Loss+M/PL+TTCAL+PgAL+PAL
PgAL/PAL welcome
BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
Too beautiful for this earth
BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12