Did you tell your manager? — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Did you tell your manager?

My m/c started two weeks ago, but my OB told me it's not complete yet.  I never told my manager and did not miss any work (I was 8 weeks pregnant). 

I'm in upper management in the IT Department -- the only woman in the management group -- thus I didn't feel comfortable telling my male boss.  In short, he wants me to travel next week -- and I just started medication (that is making my uterus contract -- so my body completes the miscarriage).  I don't want to travel -- should I just tell him? If you work full-time, did you tell your manager? If you didn't, why?

Any advice would help...TIA.

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Re: Did you tell your manager?

  • I think you should tell him.  I'd told my supervisor about everything and he was incredibly understanding about the situation and accommodated me with any time I needed to take off.

    I'm sorry for your loss.

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  • I think you should tell him.  I told my boss who is also a male and he was very supportive and understanding.  He also shared with me that his wife went through the same thing years before.  I am sure your boss will be understanding.  Sorry for your loss and good luck to you.
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  • I would tell him, if nothing else so you dont have to travel. I told my boss but they also knew I was pregnant.

    your amazing for being able to work, I wish I had your strength

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    I told mine BUT I was very close to my first boss. He was my boss through my first 3 losses. So he knew each time.

    During my 4th m/c, everyone at my job knew I was pg and I started spotting. I called in to tell them that I was m/c and did NOT speak to my boss. They sent flowers and were very sweet. That Monday I went into work and began m/c naturally. It was not fun! I had to have an emergency D&E later that day. I really felt like I was in the beginning stages of labor all over again.

    God forbid something would happen while you were traveling and have to take time off work and your boss was unaware of this...does that make sense? I would just be very honest with him. Would your ob/gyn write you a note saying that you are not allowed to travel at this time???

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  • I did not tell any of my bosses what happened. But I did email my 2 bosses and told them I needed to work from home for a couple of days for medical reasons and they were very understanding and didn't ask any questions.

    If you don't feel comfortable traveling, then it's best that you don't. You could always try saying it's for medical reasons and see if he understands. If not, it may be best to tell him why. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  • first off, i think you should be able to say no to the traveling if you're not ready or worried that something might happen when you're away. you shouldn't have to tell your boss the details (medical problems covers most things, and i think people are respectful if you are not willing to go into details). 

    that said, i did tell my boss, but no one else at work. he was very understanding and checked up on me a couple days later, which was nice. i'm in a less common situation though where i can make my own hours more or less, so i didn't have to worry about sick days or whatever. 

    anyway, i think you should tell your boss only what you're comfortable with, and accept work only as you feel able. if he's not an ***, he'll understand.  

     

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  • I think you should tell him, especially if you don't want to travel (and I agree you shouldn't). What I've found with my m/c is one minute you feel fine, and the next you might need to work from home or take some time off. It's so unpredictable.

    My situation was a little different because I work for mostly women and am personal friends with both of the partners of our firm. They both knew I was pregnant but no one else in the office did. I told them about the m/c, as well as the HR/bookkeeper so she would understand why I needed to take some time at home. They gave me the time that I needed and I was able to be flexible and work from home when I wasn't feeling so hot. I asked them to please not share it with anyone else in the office.

     

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  • Sorry for your loss.

    I have a male boss and I did not tell him.  I had a D&E so my situation is different, however I still don't think I would have told him had I chosen to allow my body to m/c naturally. 

    I also travel sometimes for work and it looked like I was going to have have to travel for 4 days the week after my D&E.  I was still spotting and really didn't want to travel yet and wasn't emotionally up to being away from DH for that long that soon after.  I had planned to ask my RE for a note indicating I needed to be restricted from any travel for 2 weeks but fortunately my trip was cancelled.  If you get your doc to write you a note, your boss cannot ask you anything about your 'illness' that is preventing you from travel.

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  • I would tell your manager, so he understands what is going on.  No one at work knew except my close friend.  I was waiting to tell my boss.  Well, after I was in the ER and I knew I lost the baby, I had my husband call and tell her.  She was so understanding and it was nice to know she understood.  She's been very nice to me when I came back to work.  It's good for them to know so they can accommodate you and in case you need to take more time off, they understand. I'm so sorry for your loss.  **Hugs**
  • I would tell him, I'm sure he'll completely understand.

    And yes, I did tell my boss.  I missed work the first day of my m/c and had to cancel a ton of appts and move my class that I teach (with 300 college FR.) I just wanted/needed her to know that there was a valid reason for me taking off (and not just a cold or something!)

    She was so sweet and completely understood.

    GL and {{{hugs}}} 

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    Carter Robert 7.18.08 | Brynn Sophia 5.24.10 | Reid Joseph 9.10.12 | Emerson Mae 1.27.14

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  • Hello All,

    Thank you for the advice.  I'm going to tell my manager tomorrow that I can't travel due to a current health issue.  I really can't travel because I'm on meds until Thursday and the meds are making me bleed again and my uterus contract -- doesn't make for good traveling......I have a feeling he'll understand and won't ask questions.  Although knowing my manager -- he'll be curious...

    Anyway, thanks again.  I really appreciate your help!

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