Newly pregnant, and new to this board. Hello!
SherryAE
member
Hi! My name is Sherry. I am 35 years old, and just a couple weeks ago, I found out we are pregnant. This is both me and my husband's first child.
I was reading, and posting on the board, TTC after 35, but for some reason, today they kindly told me to leave the board, and join this one. I have grown accustomed to reading about their journeys, but I don't feel welcome there any longer.
If I miscarry, will I no longer be welcome on this board? I am simply looking to connect with other women my age, who are pregnant, or trying to conceive.
I don't understand why the women on the TTC after 35 board are no longer interested in how I am doing... as I am still interested in how they are doing, and would continue to enjoy reading their posts once they are pregnant.
I would love to open up, and let everyone know me better, and I would love to know you all! Please tell me I am not wasting my time on this board. It's my hope that I can establish real friendships.
If you would like to know more about my pregnancy, feel free to take a look at my baby blog! https://the-late-stork.blogspot.com/
Re: Newly pregnant, and new to this board. Hello!
Sherry, I don't think its that they're not interested in how you're doing, its that posts like the one you put up about your lack of morning sickness don't really belong on a TRYING to get pregnant board. Its a safe space to talk about the struggles of TTC at an AMA; posts about the nitty gritties of the pregnancies of graduates don't belong. At a certain point lingering and continuing to detail your ups and downs of pregnancy feels like rubbing noses in it, you know? I'm a little surprised that you're having a hard time understanding this.
There are some great women over on that board (I'm a big fan). As one of them even said, she looks forward to following your journey over here on THIS board, which I imagine she will venture to when she's in the right frame of mind and ready to celebrate other's successes without it feeling like a reminder of her own inability to conceive to date. By all means continue to lurk over there and post encouraging responses to others updates and queries, but starting your own posts about your morning sickness just isn't appropriate. Since you've "graduated", make your home over here or on your birth month board.
Welcome to this board, and congratulations on your pregnancy and lack of morning sickness!
Hi Sherry. Welcome and congrats on your pregnancy. I am 40 and when I was TTC, I posted on TTC after 35 as well. I loved it over there. Everyone was so nice. My questions were answered thoroughly and everyone was cheering everyone else on. People celebrated one another's BFPs and commiserated with BFNs as well. Please understand though that there are some incredible women over there who have been TTC for years. I was so fortunate to get a BFP after only 3 cycles of trying naturally. I was so happy, but to be completely honest with you, it broke my heart that it came so easily to me while others were struggling so. I was so happy of course, but at the same time I felt so bad for others. Because of this, I didnt even feel comfortable posting a BFP over there. And you know what? Women over there found me over here to say congrats. Or they PM'd me their well-wishes. There are really good people over there. And I am sure they were happy for you that you got a BFP. But after that magical BFP, you have to understand it is time to move on. Someone who has been struggling for a long time to get pregnant does not want to read details about your new pregnancy and see pics of your bump. That stuff is for over here now. We are all pregnant over here and that's just the kind of stuff we talk about. But over there is for people who are trying to conceive. Its not that they arent interested in you over there anymore, its more that its just not the right board for you anymore. I hope you can put yourself in someone elses shoes for a minute and understand why they "kindly asked you to leave the board" today.
You are welcome over there anytime you are trying to conceive or to offer congtats to someone who gets a BFP. But now that you are pregnant, you belong over here. And yes, the women are lovely over here too.
Welcome again and H&H 9 months to you!
Hi Sherry! Welcome and congratulations! This is a wonderful and supportive place and I hope you find a great home here for the next 8 months or so
The following is for my TTC35+ peeps:
I'm a previous TTC35+er as well and I will "ditto" the responses of the PP. My IF journey was much shorter than many of the women on that board and in many ways it broke my heart to have to tell some of them of my BFP. I felt like many of them deserved it or earned it more than I did. However, the BFP post went up and I got nothing but positive feedback from every single woman over there. It was wonderful support esp. because we weren't announcing IRL for quite sometime. I'm sure they rallied around you as well ( I missed your BFP if you announced over there).
However, I think pregnancy posts about symptoms, fears, etc...need to be addressed with sensitivity and respect on a board with a lot of IF and 2IF ladies.
I still post over there - every so often - and offer my .02 and support where I can and I have even received posts on this board from the 35+ ladies. It isn't that they don't care, it is that your post was a bit of an interweb faux pas. I bet a quick, "I'm really sorry - I wasn't thinking about it that way.." would fix everything.
Anyway, I'm really glad you are here and have joined us. Ultimately, a baby is on the way and I don't know of anyone who wouldn't be thrilled over that.
~TTC since 01/09~
~SA & B/W - 06/09 - Normal~
~Encouraged by OB to "just keep trying" 06/09 - 06/10 (oh, the wasted time)~
~HSG - 08/10 - Clear/Normal~
~Lapo - 01/11 - Normal~
~Clomid 50mg, Trigger shot, Prometrium - 01/11, 02/11, 03/11~
~BFN - 02/11~
~IUI #1 03/15/11~
BFP 3/28/2011
Diagnosed with GD at 28 weeks. Controlled through diet and exercise. No insulin.
Diagnosed with Cholestasis of pregnancy @ 36 weeks.
Delivered via C-section @ 36 weeks on 11/9/11.
Welcome!!! You most certainly can post away here. The ladies on here are wonderful.
I feel ya, Sherry!
Happy to see you here!
Chandler 11/2000 ~ Bronwyn 6/2002 ~ Grayson 3/2010 ~ Matilda/Till 6/2012
BFP 10/20/11 ::sticky dust::
BFP 9/11/11 - m/c 9/25/11 5w5d
I agree with all of this. The ladies on TTC>35 are an amazing and supportive group of women and I miss posting over there too, but you have to realize how insensitive it is to post over there details about your pregnancy symptoms or lack thereof. Most of the ladies over there would love to have such things to worry about. Many have been TTC for years, suffered losses, and been through cycle after failed cycle, and it can be heartbreaking. You were very lucky to get pregnant after only a few months. I was very lucky to get pregnant at all. Please try to show a little compassion and understanding toward those who have not been as fortunate as we have.
Congratulations on your BFP!! I echo all the previous posters about the TTC+35 board. It took me a little over a year and one loss before this little girl stuck. Those women were my lifeline that kept me from completely going over the edge and when I posted my BFP they were nothing but excited for me. I post over there on occasion to provide support to women who are still there and going through so much, but I do it rarely because I don't want my ticker to cause any heartache to any of them. They do lurk over here to check on women who have been lucky enough to move over here when they feel like they are ok with it. Many have commented on my updates on this board so I know that they still care about us "graduates", but our updates should only be on this board.
Good luck to you in your pregnancy. I hope you have a happy and healthy 9 months and please feel free to continue to post here.
Hope you don't mind me butting in-
Wanted to point out that the ladies DO care about you.....and their inability to deal with your pregnancy news is not about YOU. It's about them-and most of them know that. I have been posting there for almost a year, and all the ups, downs, fears, hopes, and tears are life altering and all consuming to the ladies there. Every woman there wants a BFP as much as you do, and many women have gone through a ton to get there. Yes, it is true that we watch the board over here-because we want to see the + outcomes and check on our friends. I know a quite a few of the ladies here and can assure you that it's a safe place. Remember that many are struggling to deal with pregancies in their immediate families and with their own friends on facebook. When you are TTC, seeing very pregnant women in the grocery store can be real upsetting (why cann't it be me?) GL with your pregnancy, will be following your story....and Congratulations again!!!!!
Anyways, butting out
Hello Sherry, welcome and congratulations! I think you have received a lot of responses that really explain why the TTC35+ers reacted as they have and while I will not speak for anyone else, I'll tell you that I do agree with them. I 100% understand why you feel comfortable over there and know that it's difficult to all of the sudden start posting here with people you are not as familiar with.
I just thought I would give you a little bit different take on the situation since I responded to my BFP and current pregnancy in the exact opposite way from you as it relates to the boards. I have been intermittently on and off the TTC35+ board for over 2 years and had 2 losses in that timeframe. All in all I have been on the bump and actively TTC #1 for going on 7 years and had 4 losses. There are ebbs and flows in everyone's emotions on their journey. There are months where things feel impossible and then you reach some new epiphany or take a new step and there is renewed hope, but in those dark times you never know what is going to set you off and can sort of shut down.
It's because of my personal history that I am reluctant to even post at all on TTC35+ even to offer encouragement. I don't want any of those ladies to feel like I abandoned them, but at the same time I know that there were times when I would read through posts and see graduates offerring their advice, encouragement or condolences and it would make me really depressed and I just don't want to have that effect on anyone even if I have the best intentions and the original poster has listed PAIF/SAIF welcome. I watched literally hundreds of women come and go and realize their dreams of motherhood in those nearly 7 years and while at times I was encouraged by the successes. I did reach a point a couple years ago where I could search all day and not find anyone who had been trying longer than me. I questioned if with my history there was really ANY board that applied to me anymore. It's not easy.
Now I am not saying that the way I responded is right, but I think that something in the middle is a little more appropriate. Believe me, I of all people know that once you get that BFP it is not all rainbows and puppies and you still need a support system in the first tri, especially when you are familiar with the miscarriage stats. I wish you all the best and hope that you have a blissfully uneventful pregnancy.
To answer your questions, I have been freaking out all first trimester because I have had almost no symptoms. No queasiness, no massive fatigue, no serious cravings, no headaches, my boobs were only sore when I took off my bra at night and then when I went down the stairs quickly or got out of bed in the morning. I had some constipation from about week 5-9, and had to pee more, then at about week 10 my skin totally broke out and has still not really recovered. I have a home doppler and only was just able to find the heartbeat at 12 weeks on my own, so I totally feel you on being worried about the lack of symptoms, but for me I now know that I am just very lucky. I have seen and heard the heartbeat multiple times, had 4 ultrasounds where my baby was not only perfect, but measuring a few days ahead, my NT reults were great and now I have been told that this is just like any other normal pregnancy. Enjoy this...I think you are just lucky! Continued good luck to you!
Take Care,
Sarah
Welcome aboard Sherry!! You found the best board on the bump
Congratulations!!
Congrats!
I'm a lurker, not TTC or Pregnant -- but I was over 35 (38 to be exact) when I was and I posted on all the "over 35" boards. I think, from lurking, that the TTC after 35 board has become an alternate IF board in some ways and, therefore, it must sting to see a pregnant woman continue posting there.
That board is strictly for TTC issues. This board is for Pregnant posters who are over 35. And, once you have your LO, you are welcome to post on Parenting after 35 (my main base on the Bump).
I posted on TTC after 35 for only 5 months. When I got my BFP nearly 3 years ago, I moved on here and to the Tri Boards (not my best decision).
So don't feel upset about the suggestion to post on this board. Really this is the place to be now. And don't worry too much about miscarriage. You'll drive yourself crazy when there's nothing to prevent it or predict it. Just enjoy your pregnancy and commiserate here.
Bronx Zoo: Summer 2013
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