RSV (vent and WWYD)

kelly321

When I asked my pedi about synagis a while back, she said that DD shouldn't get it since the shots were painful and every month and she wasn't in the highest risk group because she never needed any breathing support (for which I am eternally grateful). She said if they wanted to vaccinate every infant who had a higher risk then they would be vaccinating 20,000+ infants / month (I live in Germany). To me that was an irrelevant argument - who argues cost/time constraints when it comes to an infant's health? But whatever. She then told me that it is entirely possible that DD will get it and need to be hospitalized, but that she "should come through just fine."

Fast forward to today. My playgroup was supposed to meet at my house, but DD has had a cold since Saturday and it's getting worse, so I decided to let the 2 other moms who were able to make it today know so they could make a decision about whether or not to come. That's what I would want them to do, after all. I called mom #1 and she said, "Oh, my DD has a cold, too." So we decided to cancel the group since I said I didn't want them to exchange viruses and have to deal with 2 at once. I called mom #2 and she said, "Oh, my DS has a cough, too." And I thought to myself:  What, so if I hadn't called they both would have come with their sick kids??? Without saying a word in advance??

I don't know these women all that well, so I can't get snippy with them like I might if they were friends. How do I politely tell them to keep their kids' dirty germs to themselves because they could be endangering my daughter's life? Basically I want them to tell me if their kid is sick so I can decide whether or not I want DD around them. I don't think that's an unreasonable request, but I don't know how to do it in a way that doesn't come across like an over-protective mom (I mean, I am over-protective, but I think I'm justified...). Any ideas? What would you do? Since DD was a late-term preemie with no breathing issues we're not on lockdown, thankfully, but I'm still getting worried.

kck329

I would be mad too....its bad mom etiquette to bring your sick baby around others regardless of if they are preemies. Who wants to get other kids sick? 

We have a church group for parents of young children and I basically told them "C's doctors are really concerned about her getting any kind of cold or flu this year because of her prematurity. We don't want to be a pain and we don't want to limit your fun, but can you please let us know if your child is sick (even allergies) at all in the week of our meeting? Then we can just keep C home and everyone else can get together still." So far, two families have let us know when their LOs were sick. 

I think it helped that we weren't expecting them to stay home, just asking to let us know so we could opt out. Good luck!

kelly321

kck - I've thought of doing it that way, but there are only 4 families (soon to be 3), so if 1 is missing then the whole playdate is sometimes cancelled, plus every other week it's at my house, so it's hard to say that I just won't come... Of course it's totally worth it for DD's health, but it's not as easy as saying "If your kid is sick then I'll just stay at home."

ps to everyone: Sorry to post and run, actually it's post and sleep since it's night over here now. I'll be checking responses in the morning and hoping that some others of you also have some good suggestions! TIA! 

sail123

OK, this is my BIGGEST pet peeve. Some moms are so inconsiderate about bringing their sick kids around other kids. It is unbelievably selfish and drives me nuts. 

We aren't on lockdown this year either and I've enrolled them in a few classes, in addition to our playgroups. If we get there and there is a sick kid, we leave. I tell anyone who comes here not to come if they have recently been sick. It isn't a perfect system but it is all we can do.

Oh, and I make a big show of not bringing my kids when they are sick. I let everyone know WHY we are not coming so that they get the hint that they should extend the same courtesy to us.  

kck329

kelly321:

kck - I've thought of doing it that way, but there are only 4 families (soon to be 3), so if 1 is missing then the whole playdate is sometimes cancelled, plus every other week it's at my house, so it's hard to say that I just won't come... Of course it's totally worth it for DD's health, but it's not as easy as saying "If your kid is sick then I'll just stay at home."

ps to everyone: Sorry to post and run, actually it's post and sleep since it's night over here now. I'll be checking responses in the morning and hoping that some others of you also have some good suggestions! TIA! 

Yeah...that does make it harder. Sorry I'm not more help! We don't have many parent friends so I haven't had to deal with this yet. Sorry they aren't more considerate though!

WaitingforGrace

This drives me crazy too! Unfortunately my girls had to go to daycare when they were 6 months old. I kept them out as long as I could but our circumstances couldn't delay it any more. They have had 3 colds in 2 months. I'm thankful that it's just 3 colds. Our DCP is really good about non-cold illnesses - fevers, vomiting, etc all have to go home, but for colds I feel like they are really lax.

I feel like as working parents of infants, it's unreasonable to think that others will keep their full term healthy infants home for runny noses and coughs, but it's frustrating that with twins, I have double the risk of one of them picking something up (and then immediately transferring it to her sister). Although, I do share the love and when I know they got a cold from daycare and don't have fevers, I sent them right back since I have to work too. Hmm.. sounds like I'm venting at myself there!

To answer your question, I think it comes down to what you are individually comfortable with. I was aware the girls would get colds and I've decided that while it sucks, I'm okay with them being around children with runny noses. I'm not okay with them being around children with coughs, fevers, stomach issues, diahrrea, etc so if I know a kid is like that I just don't let them near the child. We are getting the RSV shots this winter so we are slightly protected there though.

kelly321

Thanks for the replies. It's so nice to be able to vent here where you all understand. IRL I know almost no one who had a preemie, and those who did were like 36w5d so they never had the NICU experience or really had to pay attention adjusted age. I knew there was no easy answer to this question, but I do appreciate the suggestions and sympathy!