There is an 8 yr old boy who lives down the street from us who has ASD. I'd describe him as relatively high functioning socially, but academically he struggles. For example, he greets us and speaks readily to adults and children, and tells elaborate stories about how he's planning a trip to Ireland or France, but his grammar structure is immature and learning to read and do math are difficult for him. We see him daily at the bus stop. His mom is very nice but very different from what my prior experience with ASD moms has been (when I was a teacher.) My experience has always been moms who want their children included as much as possible in the classroom with NT kids. This mom has an expendive hired advocate, calls IEP meetings regularly and is never satisfied with what his teachers are doing, she wants him pulled into a self-contained classroom pretty much all day, and has him ride a separate special ed bus to school each day. Obviously, I don't know him all that well and maybe some of this is what he needs, but it doesn't match what I see of him at the bus stop each day. Anyway, this is all background to my question.
The boy is outgoing socially, but immature, and he really likes playing with my 3 year old - chasing eachother, making funny voices, and talking to one another. I think it really bugs the mom, though, that they've clicked like this. She said something one day about how she knows my DS will outgrow him soon mentally, and she tries not to encourage him to make friends with younger kids even though that's what he prefers. In my head, I thought, "Well how's he ever going to make friends with kids his own age if he's never included and can't ride the bus with NT peers?" And now she tends to step in whenever they are playing, giving her DS reminders about personal space when he's not at all too close to my son, and just sort of discouraging him from building any kind of relationship with my son. I obviously have my own opinions, but he's not my son, so I have to respect whatever decisions she makes.
I'm just trying to understand why she feels the way she does and what, if anything, I can say or do that's the "right" thing given the situation. I can't not bring DS to the bus stop, but he likes to stay and wait for the other kid's bus to come as well, which I think is nice , since otherwise he's there for 10 minutes on his own with just his mom waiting for his bus to come. She kind of makes me feel like she'd rather I just go home and not let them play for that 10 minutes, though she hasn't coem right out and said it. She just kind of hovers and gives him constant behavior reminders that, as I said, seem unwarranted.