How do you handle bad transitions?

blissfullyignorant

My ex and I have shared parenting. He has 2 overnights per week. Exchanges are rough - and not on DS end. My ex can't act civil to save his life. At first we did drop offs at each others homes. Since that wasn't working I recommended we stick to neutral places only. We do exchanges at our workplaces (primarily mine since it's more centrally located).

There are still issues. He's aggressive during exchanges and refuses to talk to me. He won't tell me how DS is doing, when he ate last, if he napped, etc. He frequently just shoves DS at me and speeds off. Then DS is upset - I assume because of the negative feelings my X is obviously giving off. X has a lot of anger towards me (I'm not sure why at this point).

I'm don't know how to handle it. Any tips? I'm always civil in front of DS and ask him to say bye bye to daddy, wave, if X is picking him up I try to give him a brief update, etc. I am so sick of him acting this way. Exchanges take 2 minutes max so I don't get why he can't just suck it up. Since that's obviously not in the cards I'd love some insight into how others handle it.

WhatDidIDoWrong

I don't really have any advice because my son's father refuses to tell me anything too. I would ask about napping, eating, playing. etc but all he would say is yes or no, which told me nothing. I even tried making up a sheet, like daycare would use, and he wouldn't return it.

So I stopped asking. If he didn't nap there isn't anything I can do because its too late. If he didn't eat I can tell he is hungry and feed him. As long as he comes home in one piece I just let it go.

If I notice something is off after we do the exchange then I will e-mail him asking about it and I usually get a little more detailed answer.

I guess my suggestion would be a follow up e-mail, info sheet or notebook so you don't actually have to talk.

Sorry you are dealing with this. 

PrettyInPearls23

My XH isn't mean or nasty during exchanges, but he barely tells me how DS spent his weekend. I just gave up on even asking, because it would probably be a lie anyway, and I just ask DS if he needs a nap/food/drink/diaper when he comes home. I look forward to the day that DS can tell me for himself how his weekends were spent.

BMenz

PrettyInPearls23:

My XH isn't mean or nasty during exchanges, but he barely tells me how DS spent his weekend. I just gave up on even asking, because it would probably be a lie anyway, and I just ask DS if he needs a nap/food/drink/diaper when he comes home. I look forward to the day that DS can tell me for himself how his weekends were spent.

It gets better as they get older! I was in the exact same boat when ds was that age. Transitions are still/can be a bit tough especially if he's not feeling well, but as the older he gets, the easier transitions have been.

eta: BD was the same way because he had (and still has for some god unforsaken unknown reason) pent up anger/resentment towards me......I think it was because he wasn't over me, and wanted me back - he wouldn't tell me what they did over the weekend, how he was doing, when he ate, etc etc.......now that I have put my foot down to him and SO have moved in together it's SOOOOOOOOOO much better - we're actually civil, unless it is fighting over $