Having grandparent trouble... Advice please!!

mrsthomas010

Last week, my daughter (who will be three in December) was sick with strep. It was hard to get her to eat or drink and for fear that she may get dehydrated, we begged, pleaded, and even let her break rules. We allowed her to take drinks in her room because she drank more that way (we normally do not allow that). Well, in a few days, she was over the strep. As soon as she was over it, she was hyper and not following directions and acting totally nuts (of course). Well, Saturday night my inlaws came for a visit. Lily was hyper and ill all night. She fought us on EVERYTHING. She got in my face screaming, threw a full cup of juice across the kitchen floor, etc. She'd been in time out twice already. After the juice incident, I went into her room and told her we didn't act that way and I thought she should probably go to bed. I asked her to sit up so I could help her get undressed and she kicked me right in the stomach. I gently popped her leg to get her attention and told her we don't do that. Apparently this upset my inlaws so bad that they stomped out of my house, slammed my door, and left. My husband called them and they preceded to tell him that she is too young to be spanked and that was a horrible thing for a mother to do and so on. 

I do not feel that I did wrong. I didn't SPANK her first of all. I popped her leg. And not hard. I rarely pop my daughter. She rarely throws tantrums like she was. She has always been well mannered. Usually if she gets into trouble, time out and taking toys away is a good enough punishment.

Regardless of all that, I feel that I am the parent and my husband backs me up.. and I hate that his parents are upset, but part of me feels that I don't owe them an explanation or apology. I don't know. I would love some advice. It has really upset my husband. He feels I handled it correctly, but now his parents won't even answer his calls. My daughter thinks her "paw paw" is mad at her because he left without saying goodbye... Advice please?! 

brewcitybride

It's pretty simple to me - it doesn't sound like child abuse. Spanking is not against the law, and you said it wasn't even a spank. I don't know what a "pop" is, but it doesn't sound like you were using it to hurt your child. I don't think you need to justify your actions to your in-laws. I would just carry on with my life.

 

suzan211

Like the PP I don't know what a 'pop' entails, however it doesn't sound like you were trying to hurt your child or abuse the way you describe it.

A question: How did your inlaws see this "pop" as you said you took her to her room?  Did they follow you to her room to watch you discipline her?  To me this is crossing a boundary if they followed you.  They should have stayed in the living area and if they did follow you your DH should have told them to stay put and let you handle it alone.

You don't owe them an explaination at all.  This is your child and you are in charge of dealing with her.  Of course if they see something abusive they should report it but if it's just a matter of disicipline styles they need to shut up. If they are not returning your husbands phone calls over this consider this a lesson.  I mean what is having a more detrimental impact right now, your pop or your little girl being sad because she things her grandpa is mad.

Your inlaws seem to be the kind of type to with hold communication if they don't agree.  I wouldn't let them hold me hostage.  Tell your DH to stop calling.  When they do call your DH is to tell them to keep their opinions to themselves and that they hurt DD's feelings by ignoring you guys.

My MIL thinks I'm a mean mommy, just because I have rules.  I don't really care what she has to say and she knows it.  She had her time to be a mommy, it's my turn now. 

 

mrsthomas010

By "pop" I mean that I smacked her on the side of her thigh once. It wasn't to hurt her, it was simply to get her attention. They weren't in the room, but her bedroom is next to the living room. They didn't see it, they heard it. They think I hit her too hard just because they heard it...but of course they heard it, I smacked the fattest part of her leg... and they were sitting about 8 feet away... it isn't like they heard it across the house. Thank you guys for your advice!! I will just not let it get me down!! They have done things like this in the past over other things.. not over Lily. 

MommaErica

If I was in someone's home and it became clear that they were absolutely incapable of understanding where there child was coming from or deal withe the behavior in a positive, constructive and nurturing way, I'd probably leave too.

First because it's uncomfortable and embarrassing to be in that situation as a bystander and second, because if you can't even deal with a three year old, you probably don't need the extra house guests at that moment.

They are carrying it a little far but, maybe they have parenting tips you could actually use.  I'd talk to them about it.  CLearly you need help.  They may be a tad dramatic but, they may also have skills you could use.