How do you keep the secret!?!?

amber323

My DH and I made the decision to wait until the second trimester to tell our families I'm pregnant. We just found out three days ago that I'm 4 weeks along and now I'm bursting to tell people. I know it would be better to wait and DH is very much against telling people too early so how do you keep it a secret, does anything make it easier or should I just spill the beans??

sassafras007

I have had a loss so my response is based upon that...

It is a lot easier to tell people later one rather than have to go back and tell them you are no longer pregnant...

allisonmarie22

I've had a loss as well, but I have the opposite view from PP. I find it easier to get through loss with the support of my friends and family. Therefore, we did not wait to tell. Our loved ones have known since I was about 4 weeks.

sassafras007

allisonmarie22:

I've had a loss as well, but I have the opposite view from PP. I find it easier to get through loss with the support of my friends and family. Therefore, we did not wait to tell. Our loved ones have known since I was about 4 weeks.

 

This is true also. I guess it depends on who you want to tell. I told everyone and people at work were really awful with the loss.

allisonmarie22

sassafras007:

allisonmarie22:

I've had a loss as well, but I have the opposite view from PP. I find it easier to get through loss with the support of my friends and family. Therefore, we did not wait to tell. Our loved ones have known since I was about 4 weeks.

 

This is true also. I guess it depends on who you want to tell. I told everyone and people at work were really awful with the loss.

It's such a personal decision. We debated this time, but decided to take the chance. Some people were really ridiculous last time with their comments, but thankfully it wasn't too bad and most people were very loving and supportive. I was really touched with how many people reached out to me with their stories of loss and suggestions on how they coped. 

Like I said, it's an intensely personal decision and everyone is different.

amber323

Another problem I have is that I've got a huge pot belly! I know my family is execting me to get pregnant (not sure if they know this soon though) so I dont want them to guess before I can tell them...

mrsbird1129

How about a compromise and tell your family and close friends after your first appt around 8 weeks?  That way you'll have heard the heart beat (making you both feel more assured with the pregnancy) and you're a lot closer than now to the 2nd trimester.  My take is that I'll be telling those about my pregnancy around 8 weeks that I wouldn't mind telling them about the loss (if there be a need, which hopefully there won't be).  So basically I'll be telling immediate family and friends around 8 weeks and everyone else can find out when word spreads well after that.

toniannV

amber323:

Another problem I have is that I've got a huge pot belly! I know my family is execting me to get pregnant (not sure if they know this soon though) so I dont want them to guess before I can tell them...

 This is my exact concern!  We won't have an idea how far along we are until tomorrow (when blood results should be in), we are either 7 weeks or 11 weeks and it is KILLING me not to tell family and I am so worried that they are going to guess from seeing me not drink or being bloated all the time.  (PLUS we just got married 1 month ago, so everyone keeps asking me if im pregnant yet lol) We really want to surprise them!  

 We have sorta decided that if we are 11 weeks then we will tell them, but if we are only 7 then we are going to try to hold out until at least Thanksgiving.   This is the HARDEST secret ever.

amber323

mrsbird1129:

How about a compromise and tell your family and close friends after your first appt around 8 weeks?  That way you'll have heard the heart beat (making you both feel more assured with the pregnancy) and you're a lot closer than now to the 2nd trimester.  My take is that I'll be telling those about my pregnancy around 8 weeks that I wouldn't mind telling them about the loss (if there be a need, which hopefully there won't be).  So basically I'll be telling immediate family and friends around 8 weeks and everyone else can find out when word spreads well after that.

 

I like this idea! 8 weeks is only 3 weeks away now so it's not THAT long of a wait. Thanks

Jazzyashes84

we told our families the day after we found out. then i told close friends. then i told other friends, ect ect. just kept telling ppl as the weeks went on. didn't tell my boss til 12 weeks

cchill01

Think of it as your super-special-secret between DH and you.  Plus, I also think it makes the pregnancy feel shorter if you don't have 36weeks of the same questions over and over.

CMattus

After a loss at 6w2d in June, we decided that this time around, we'd wait a while longer to let everyone know because we had already told EVERYONE last time and it was difficult to tell them we lost the baby... and even worse, I had to deal with everyone fussing over me and making sure I was "okay" and I HATE that attention. So this time, we waited until after our first u/s (which was at 8w) and we got to see the heartbeat and found out that it was measuring right on schedule... so this made us feel better and we broke the news to our family about a week later.

Good luck!