Starting to lose it.....

CMM05

Hi Girls-

This is a serious vent, so please ignore if you choose....

I am really starting to lose it. Connor used to be such a great sleeper. In the summer when I was off of work, he was sleeping 12 hours straight without a peep. The minute I went back to work, it all changed. Our room is very close to his and the bathroom is in between our two rooms.......so he hears everything. At any rate, ever since September he has not been sleeping well. In that time, he has also had an ear infection, a viral infection and is teething......

He is waking up 1-2 times per night. I am a teacher and I need to get up at 5:30am every morning....I am at school by 7am. I AM BEYOND EXHAUSTED. DH is a huge help and he does get up in the middle of the night, but he is also in his last year of Law school and is very busy. Some nights he doesn't get home from the library until 10-11pm.

My job is beyond overwhelming. I teach 8th grade language arts and I have 140 students......yes, that's 140 essays to check everytime they turn one in. Not to mention that I have ALL the special ed kids and ALL the bi-lingual kids.

I just can't do this. I know I don't have a choice and DH sees my stress levels and knows I'm unhappy, but there isn't much we can do since he isn't working right now....

I know there are no solutions, but I really just needed to vent and need a hug All of my friends who have older children and work full time tell me that it doesn't get easier....

:::SIGH::

I know this sounds horrible, but lately I've been thinking that the reason I had a m/c was b/c the timing wasn't right and we aren't ready to add a 2nd one to all this chaos. I know that sounds horrible, but I think that this past month has just been such an emotional roller coaster....

Thanks for listening.......

elliek05

That does sound really full-on. I don't have any good advice, but I think you have every right to vent and just feel awful about it. Hopefully things start to look better and get at least a little easier soon.

BoxTer

I'm so sorry you're having a tough time. It does sound rough and when you're not sleeping, everything seems 1000 times worse. I understand what you mean about feeling trapped in your job. One of my best friends is about to have her second baby (at age 41, she'll have two under 14 months), her husband got laid off and though she wasn't planning on it, she'll have to go back to work after mat. leave because she carries the insurance. I  guess all you can do is just get through it the best you can, however you can, reminding yourself that this will not last forever. And your friends may mean well, but having them tell you it's not going to get easier is not helping! Maybe it didn't for them, but that doesn't mean it won't for you. And as for the m/c, I think it's a very natural feeling you're having about wondering why. You didn't do anything to cause it so don't beat yoursellf up about that. Please take care of yourself! I hope you have a great weekend and can get some rest!  

togagirl

I am so sorry...I know how rough not sleeping is. ?I only have 2 more weeks home with the boys and I'm really hoping they can start sttn soon because I just don't know how I will function at work on no sleep. ?

Do you think maybe a white noise machine and the bathroom fan on might drown out the noise and help Connor sleep better?

I think your feelings about the m/c are perfectly normal and you shouldn't feel any guilt about it.?

cmw&tdm

It does sound like you have your hands very full right now.  The not sleeping thing is probably triggering you to feel so overwhelmed, at least that's what not sleeping does to me.  This will pass, just hang in there.  Sorry I don't have anything more helpful to say.  ((hugs))

itsmevkb

Being a mom is hard, being a mom with another full-time job is just torture sometimes.  My job isn't as demanding as yours and so I can only imagine how hard this time is for you.  I know that my son waking up multiple times a night really starts to wear on me.  All I can offer is the hope that this too shall pass.  My son has periods of sleeping super well and then periods of waking up during the night.  It's frustrating because you're never sure why they are doing it but look at what your baby has been through.  Teething and infections will really knock a childs sleep out of whack. 

I can also sympathize with the husband situation.  My job basically supports us so there is no option to not work or even to work less.  He works nights at a part-time job and is in graduate school.  I feel guilty when on the one or two nights a week that he's home that he gets up if our son wakes up.  But, we're a team and we're both working towards the same goal so it's all about the give and take.  And, when I start to feel overhwhelmed I really just try and focus on the end goal.  One day it won't be like this, my husband will have a great teaching job with a great schedule and our stresses will be less.  Until then I just try and muddle through and soak in every smile and hug my little boy gives me.

I know it doesn't help, but know that you're not alone.

gymrat

((HUGS))

JillRock96

I'm sorry, honey -- vent away.  That is quite a bit of stress to handle all at once.  I hope that Connor starts to sleep more soon so that you can get some rest yourself.