B/C when SS sees all of the kids he's going to want to join. It will then be up to ME to transport him to the high school events monthly and my DS to the preschool events. I don't want to do that.
Ugh. You are way more selfish than you appeared to me in your initial post. I thought you were worried about your SS's feelings there for a minute.
Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
It is that bad and so much more. My DH travels for work and we live in a different school district and SS has a brother at BM's that he grew up with and will never leave. SS will never go to court and say he wants to leave his mom, he's a quiet child. DH would love for him to live with us and he loves coming over. But moving with us would been transferring schools and that is something that BM would never go for. Plus with H's travel schedule she would say he's with me more than his dad so no.
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Every family is differnt. SS has been in my parents house maybe twice and we've been together for over 10 years. There are no birthday/Christmas presents exchanged. No phone calls. That's just how it is. When they are around each other all is good but that is so very rare.
And there were a bunch of combos of pics taken that day so it really wasn't a big deal.
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It is that bad and so much more. My DH travels for work and we live in a different school district and SS has a brother at BM's that he grew up with and will never leave. SS will never go to court and say he wants to leave his mom, he's a quiet child. DH would love for him to live with us and he loves coming over. But moving with us would been transferring schools and that is something that BM would never go for. Plus with H's travel schedule she would say he's with me more than his dad so no.
Non BF kids change schools all the time because they move. Changing school's is a small thing in the grand scheme of things.
As for your DH's travel schedule, my DH has a full time job and teaches at a college 3 days a week. It does interfer with his scheduled time with SD but SD is with a responsible adult (me) that cares and loves her AS MY OWN so BM has no problem with her spending time with just me. I can understand why BM wouldn't go for it, you treat her son like a visitor, not family.
And as for the pictures, my parents have a picture of me, my DH, and my SD on their mantle and they treat SD like they will the baby we are about to have. They call and have her spend the night, they take her on play dates, they come to all school plays and ballet recitals. Having a step child is a blessing not a burden and you and the rest of your family need to learn that ASAP or stop trying to make SS believe he is part of your family!
I was going to ask if you were going to take seperate family photos for the Christmas cards to send to your special friends, but apparently you already do.
This whole post makes me want to barf.
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So wait, is the problem that snotty mcsnotterson group will not let you into this snotty club if they know you have something as distasteful as a stepson so you will hide him from these horrible people you are calling your "friends" or you don't want stepson to be a part of this organization? Why can't you and your child be in this toddler skull and crossbones rediculousness and SS comes to the FAMILY brunch. If you plan to hide your stepson for 17 years, then you are not the best of the best. You are disgusting. Period.
you are selfish end of story. When you decided to marry your husband you decided to take on his son too. You don't get to choose that you want to make a new family with just your husband and child. His son did nothing. You are a sorry excuse for a woman, mother, and wife. I pray that your stepson never understands what a disgusting person you are. As for this so called "organization" you want to belong to, I am sure it is that uptight want to be snobby best of the best while meanwhile you are all a bunch of trashy women who no one else will accept in the real world because you have no morals or self worth.
Ew. You make me sick and you don't deserve to be a stepmother let alone a mother to your own child.
feel sorry for your stepson, he deserves so much better than you and his father. sounds like his mother is the only one with her priorities straight.
This is so very funny. If only you knew. If only you knew how he has called the cops on her. If only you knew how many nights he went to bed w/o eating. If only you knew so many more things! But you don't. You don't know anything about my situationexcept for what I posted on a blog. Thanks for the afternoon laugh. I'll remeber that when I give him a hug when he gets to our house this evening! Comedy!
Your initial post made the situation out to be a very friendly one. How is your DH friendly with the BM who doesn't feed his child? How have you not called DCF?
You're right, no one knows your situation but you. But you asked for our opinions based on what you posted. And the picture it's painting of you isn't a flattering one.
Your SS is in my thoughts and prayers. Poor kid.
Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
I am failing to see what the big deal is. Why is it so wrong for OP to have a tradition that is just her's and her husband and her bio son? I'm sure SS does things alone with his mother that doesn't include SM, BD and his half sibling so why is it so wrong for them to do the same?
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feel sorry for your stepson, he deserves so much better than you and his father. sounds like his mother is the only one with her priorities straight.
This is so very funny. If only you knew. If only you knew how he has called the cops on her. If only you knew how many nights he went to bed w/o eating. If only you knew so many more things! But you don't. You don't know anything about my situationexcept for what I posted on a blog. Thanks for the afternoon laugh. I'll remeber that when I give him a hug when he gets to our house this evening! Comedy!
Your initial post made the situation out to be a very friendly one. How is your DH friendly with the BM who doesn't feed his child? How have you not called DCF?
You're right, no one knows your situation but you. But you asked for our opinions based on what you posted. And the picture it's painting of you isn't a flattering one.
Your SS is in my thoughts and prayers. Poor kid.
So nobody cares about this poor child? OP, you are a cvnt.
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It is that bad and so much more. My DH travels for work and we live in a different school district and SS has a brother at BM's that he grew up with and will never leave. SS will never go to court and say he wants to leave his mom, he's a quiet child. DH would love for him to live with us and he loves coming over. But moving with us would been transferring schools and that is something that BM would never go for. Plus with H's travel schedule she would say he's with me more than his dad so no.
What the what!?! If your step-SON is starving it doesn't matter what he wants, it matters WHAT IS BEST FOR THE CHILD. The fact that you stand by and do NOTHING while your SS starves is more disgusting than the fact that you want to hide him for the next few years. It doesn't matter what BM wants, SS wants, or your snobby friends want, what MATTERS is the safety of a CHILD! You sicken me. Join your club, hide your SS in the basement, and when he writes his tell-all book about how horrible you all are, let's see which of your "best friends" stand by your side.
I've posted on this board a few times but now I have a question that I don't want to mess up. Please advise...
A little background first - my DH and BM were never married, never serious, never lived together, we not together after SS was born. DH has always paid c/s, sees his son every Tuesday for 2.5 hrs and EOW faithfully. BM allows some extra time. Generally speaking, it is a very calm and easy going SF situation.
We have a 22 month old son. I have just been invited to join an exclusive mother and child national organization. Think of it as a skull and bones type thing except it's for mom's and children. The only role the dad's play is for the picnic in the summer and Christmas party - oh and to write checks for events the mom's and kids do! This is a very expensive organization that only selects from prestigious families. It is an honor to be invited. DH knows how special it is as he only heard about it growing up (he grew up poor and has done very well for himself). DH went to the picnic with me this summer and was excited. He wants this opportunity for us too and he knew some of the dad's from work stuff.
The issue is the Christmas event. In order for the membership to vote on my family the first of the year, it is mandatory that we show up for the Christmas brunch which will take place on a weekend that we have SS14. SS14 wasn't at the picnic and knows nothing about this. The mom's that have extended the invitation to me to not know about SS at all. I know of only one SF in the entire chapter for my area and it a BM and her child from another relationship and then the child with her husabnd that are members.
Question: How do I handle this with SS being over the weekend the the even takes place? You get one shot to be a member of this fabulous organization that will benefit mh DS tremendously through life (it starts at 2 and goes through 18). I know DH wants us to do it. But I am NOT SS mother. There are mandatory meetings and events that will take place when SS isn't with us and there is no promise that BM will let him come. I am not trying to bash BM, but lets just say that we value very different things and this will not be high on her priorty list. She does not go above and beyond for her boys. SS does not do any activities and he's a solid Honors A student. It's so sad. Yes, this would be a great group for him to get involved with but we do not have enough control over this situation with the scheduling. This is also a mother and child ogranziation and I'm not his mom.
Here's the kicker - DH must go to the Christmas brunch with me. He MUST. The ENTIRE FAMILY THAT IS UP FOR INVITATION MUST BE PRESENT. I was thinking about asking DH to switch weekends with BM (they both switch all the time). I think it would be mean to leave him at the house (he has no friends where we live) and watch the 3 of us leave for a fun activity.
So, what would you do?
I am honestly shocked that you have the ballls to post this on here. I am a stepmother to my 17 yo SS, my husband and I have custody of him and his BM fails him weekly for their dinners that they are supposed to go to or pawns him off on someone else so she can be busy doing her thing when he's there for weekend visitation. Shame on her.
Now, shame on you too. You've all but pushed this boy to the side so your perfect Stepford existence won't be smudged in the eyes of your newly purchased circle of friends. You are too concerned with what 'possibilities' could be afforded to your DS instead of both of your sons together. That boy was a packaged deal when you married his father. You'd do well to remember that. No matter how you choose to slice it, you ARE a mother. Whether or not you're actually a good one remains to be seen.
You should be taking pride in your blended family so your SS knows he holds as much a place in your heart as a son as your own biological son does. Clearly this is not the case as you profess repeatedly that you are NOT his mother. You may have not given birth to him but he's learning what kind of spouse to accept by the example you lead. Shame on you for your zeal in pushing him aside. You are showing him it's ok to be cast aside like he's nothing. I'm surprised your DH is not livid with you.
This 'club' you want to join? If it were me, I wouldn't give them the time of day. You don't 'buy' people or friendship. You earn their respect by having some class and dignity within yourself and outwardly to others. But given the tone of your post, I'd say you'll fit in just swimmingly with them.
I am failing to see what the big deal is. Why is it so wrong for OP to have a tradition that is just her's and her husband and her bio son? I'm sure SS does things alone with his mother that doesn't include SM, BD and his half sibling so why is it so wrong for them to do the same?
Because she is pretending SS doesn't exist so she can get into this snotty club. She is hiding him like a dirty secret and will have to continue hiding him until her precious snowflake is 18. Doing things without my SDs because we don't have them on those days is one thing. Lying about their existence and hiding them for 17 years so they dont smudge my precious reputation to my "friends" is completely different.
I am failing to see what the big deal is. Why is it so wrong for OP to have a tradition that is just her's and her husband and her bio son? I'm sure SS does things alone with his mother that doesn't include SM, BD and his half sibling so why is it so wrong for them to do the same?
Because she is pretending SS doesn't exist so she can get into this snotty club. She is hiding him like a dirty secret and will have to continue hiding him until her precious snowflake is 18. Doing things without my SDs because we don't have them on those days is one thing. Lying about their existence and hiding them for 17 years so they dont smudge my precious reputation to my "friends" is completely different.
I'm not sure about it honestly. It's not as tho someone specifically asked if she had SK's and she said no, it sounds more like a lie by omission at worst. Sometimes it is just easier to not even bring it bc by doing so in my past experience often leads to having to explain not nice situations with BM's, etc. I'm just trying to see it from her perspective.
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This is so very funny. If only you knew. If only you knew how he has called the cops on her. If only you knew how many nights he went to bed w/o eating. If only you knew so many more things! But you don't. You don't know anything about my situationexcept for what I posted on a blog. Thanks for the afternoon laugh. I'll remeber that when I give him a hug when he gets to our house this evening! Comedy!
Drama much?
Hey, weren't you the one that said how peaceful your situation with BM is? I am sorry but starving your kid is not peaceful. Break the cycle of screwing this kid over, fight for full custody, and take your kids, BOTH of your kids, to this pretentious "best of the best" event.
OR you are backtracking because you made yourself look like the Stepmom from Cinderella and are now throwing BM under the bus (again, because your OP didn't do it enough justice since we are still mean to you.) God forbid we see you for what you are, an insecure gossipy housefrou that wants to give opportunities to one child leaving the other to do without.
Funny thing is, this comment makes you look more like an ass and less like a caring SM.
You may be gone but you will always be in my heart
3~10~11
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I'm a SM and this whole post makes me sad. If SS mom is so bad and the changing school thing is his biggest issue I don't understand why you can't just pay the extra to have him go out of district. I mean if you are the "best of the best" certainly you could afford it. Also I feel bad for your son if he is going to grow up thinking that his brother is a second class citizen who can't go on or be aware of family vacays and other events. I think your life is sad. I'm not SD's mom and I don't try to be, but I don't see why he couldn't be involved in your little mom group. I think there is such a grey area that as a SM you have to stay in and as long as you are respectful to his mom's postition and role you really shouldn't have any problems.
I am failing to see what the big deal is. Why is it so wrong for OP to have a tradition that is just her's and her husband and her bio son? I'm sure SS does things alone with his mother that doesn't include SM, BD and his half sibling so why is it so wrong for them to do the same?
I don't think anyone has an issue with her having traditions with her husband and bio-child.
However it does seem shady, IMO, that she goes on and on about the opportunities it will afford her child and wishing she could extend those benefits to her SS, but she doesn't want to be responsible for transporting him to the events. She doesn't want him to feel excluded, by leaving him home when they go for the brunch, but has no problem hiding this club from him, which he will inevitably find out about and want to be a part of (so she says) and have his feelings hurt. This is hipocrysy at best.
And this organization sounds horrible. But again, just my opinion.
Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
I think that if this club is great and offers lots of opportunities to your child then it could offer opportunities to your step son. If he is living in a horrible situation, then they just might offer the opportunities that he may need in life. As a stepmother who doesn't really agree with the parenting style of my SS BM I try to provide him with all the opportunities that I can. We make sure he is not just sitting in front of video games, we do family game night, nature walks, outside time. These are things he does not necessarily get from his BM because we are in different situations in our lives. I hate to come down on you because I realize I don't know your whole story but I think if this club is beneficial for your child then it would be beneficial for your SS, esp. if he has a horrible home life, it may be more beneficial for your SS. Any club that did not accept my SS would be a club that I would NEVER want to be a part of.
I also think it is ashame that your parents do not get to see your SS alot and that there are different pictures in their house that do not include him. My parents love my SS and treat him as if he were there own. The more people that love a child the better. We have explained to my SS that he has one mother and one father and that I will never be his mother. But that I care for him very very much and that he will always be able to come to me with anything that he needs to. He has said to me that he wishes I was his mother and out of respect to him BM we have explained that he has a mother who loves him very much and that he is lucky to have a lot of people who care about him. Trust me, me and his BM will NEVER get along for various reasons but that doesn't change the fact that she is his mom. But I will always consider him part of my family and will never exclude him from anything because he is not my own.
Good luck to you and I hope you make the right decision for your family.
This is one instance where "I feel sorry for your children (biological and your stepson)" is completely warranted. You and your husband are seriously disgusting.
Little Lurky, born 2008
Priss28King is wise.--"Lurky, you are so mean... but always so on point!"
I am failing to see what the big deal is. Why
is it so wrong for OP to have a tradition that is just her's and her
husband and her bio son? I'm sure SS does things alone with his mother
that doesn't include SM, BD and his half sibling so why is it so wrong
for them to do the same?
It's ok to have a tradition, like every october the BM and SM takes his second son to get a pumpkin down on washington street and carves it with him. They can tell SS that this is a special event for his half sibling and he will be included in similar events, some that will be only for him.
This isn't a tradition. This is a mandatory meeting that is for all of her family. By excluding her SS, which they would accept his attendance, she is saying he is not her family, and therefore not apart of their family. It goes further that she will have to pretend that SS doesn't exist when his half sibling will get to go to all of these pretentious events, full of activities and fun for kids. She is willing to rob her SS of being afforded the same opportunities that her son will get from this event because of her own hang ups about him not being her son and how she will have to drive more.
*edited to add quote.*
You may be gone but you will always be in my heart
3~10~11
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God, I hope so. OP, you suck. I don't think I could imagine a worse example of a human being if I tried. I bet this "secret organization" denies you, because if it only accepts "the best of the best", honey you're far from it.
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As a BM I would be truly offended and hurt if my child was left out of a family activity with his Dad/SM/sibling just because he/she has a different mother. Just the fact that you are thinking about leaving him out makes me sad. It would break my heart if I read this and you were talking about my child.
You really feel this way even if it's a mother and child organization? Really? B/c I would be livid if some woman thought she could do mother and child things with MY child.
It's not like it's breastfeeding, FFS! If you and DH split and you remarried, are you telling me that your new husband wouldn't be allowed to play baseball or taken your son camping? I don't get why you're so hung up on it being "mother" and child. I understand that technically that's what the organization is for but I think you're taking the entire thing way too literally in an effort to make yourself feel better about not wanting to include your SS.
My DH treats my boys as if they were his own. There is no difference between how he treats them and how he treats his DD. My boys Dad's wifes do treat my kids differently, and they know it. The SM's have never once attended a game they have played, a show they have performed, or a school function. My boys are old enough to see the difference but they dont understand. Even as an adult, I find it hard to understand their unwillingness to accept the boys.
My oldest son calls DH dad. His BD said if he was going to call my DH dad, he had to call his SM mom. I told my DS he could call her mom or he could call her by her name, however we also explained the terms mom and dad as how we see them.
Mom or dad is a job title. It is one earned by hard work, dedication and love. It requires doing the best for the child no matter what it does to yourself. It requires the willingness to pull late nights, early mornings, and all nighters for school events or sick kids. It requires parent teacher conferences and disipline and sometimes being the bad guy. Even after the child turns 18 there will be late night calls for advice. The worry's of a parent never end. It is also the worlds best job. It is paid in hugs and kisses and I love you's. You get to watch this small being grow, learn and take the lessons you have taught them to make themselves a better person.
This is the job of a parent be they mom, dad, stepmom, stepdad, grandparent or legal guardian.
and my DS still calls my DH dad... He also still calls his SM by her name.
Will you PLEASE tell us what criteria you have to meet to be considered one of the best families? And why won't you tell us the name of the organization? If it's so well-known and has such a great reputation, what's the harm?
I'm sure there are organizations out there that can provide your kid with lots of opportunities without being douchey.
The organization would accept all of my children. I don't consider SS my child b/c he has a mother and father as my MIL told me before we got married. She also said, "you should let them do it". Now that she sees that BM really doesn't put anything into SS and DH does what he can EOW/2.5 visit she sees it's me that is on the school's website and knows when parent teacher conferences are, and what's going on with his schooling. Yes, SS is a part of my family but I don't consider him mine. I'llput it to you like this, the family pic of us in my mom's house is DH, DS and I. The same pic was taken with SS and it's in my MIL's house.
I want to me a part of this b/c it's a very well known ogranization in my circle. Only the best of the best families are invited. The opportunites and relationships that will be afforded to my child are priceless.
That organization sounds extremely pretentious and snotty. I wouldn't touch it with a 10 foot pole, no matter how much you think it will "benefit" your son. Problem solved.
That organization sounds extremely pretentious and snotty. I wouldn't touch it with a 10 foot pole, not matter how much you think it will "benefit" your son. Problem solved.
Wow! I hope you never end up on the other end of this situation. Meaning that your son is pushed out of the picture so that his dad can make a new family and hide his old one. You would probably feel a little differently then.
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If you are one of the best of the best, why does SS even go to a public school? Why isn't your obviously wealthy DH sending him to an elite private school, where location of his home wouldn't matter?
OP, you honestly disgust me. You are so incredibly selfish. You remind me of a woman I was friends with who showed clear and blatant favoritism for her son and hated her SS. She basically wanted to force her SS out of the house upon HS graduation... and the kicker? His room would go to DS, basically indicating he would never have space in his father's home again. I finally got so disgusted with her self-righteousness that I cut her out of my life. People like you and her should never marry someone with children because you're too selfish to see a beautiful family in front of you. You don't deserve to be a part of your SS's life an dI honestly feel sorry for him. You're truly a horrible human being.
I can't even begin to touch on the secret society nonsense. I'd want to have nothing to do with that sort of thing if my family - all parts of it - wouldn't be accepted. Keep in mind that the "benefits" of this organization will also come with consequences - one wrong move, and you'll be black-balled for life.
feel sorry for your stepson, he deserves so much better than you and his father. sounds like his mother is the only one with her priorities straight.
This is so very funny. If only you knew. If only you knew how he has called the cops on her. If only you knew how many nights he went to bed w/o eating. If only you knew so many more things! But you don't. You don't know anything about my situationexcept for what I posted on a blog. Thanks for the afternoon laugh. I'll remeber that when I give him a hug when he gets to our house this evening! Comedy!
Whats sick is that if anything you just stated WAS happening you and his Father are horrible people for not intercepting and helping him. I got to this post and dont even know what anyone else put. Reading this thread has made me sick. I hope your little group finds out your secret and blacklists you from all the wonderful opportunities...
14yr old DD, 9yr old DS. BFP Oct 30, missed M/C at 9weeks November 27/11
I would suggest talking to BM about adding SS on, after talking to the organization about the possibility of including SS.
I would not ever want to join an organization that had a problem with my stepchild being included in family things.
You sound snotty when you mention that BM doesn't have SS in extracurriculars, makes it sound like she doesn't care and discounts that there may be other reasons. Actually, the entire post sounds snotty.
"We like nothing better than buffing our Zygoma. And imagining a horny time traveling long overcoat purple scarf wearing super sleuth nordic legend fuck fantasy. Get to work on that, internet." Benedict Cumberbatch
What's your role? To not lie about having a stepson and include him in these activities. Pointing out that BM is a bad mom doesn't endear you to me--what, because he gets treated badly at home, that makes your treatment of him okay?
Trust me, if this organization was actually like Skull & Bones, they'd already know you have a stepson.
It's a shame that the "best of the best" represented by this organization don't have better command of the English language than you displayed in this post.
Every family is differnt. SS has been in my parents house maybe twice and we've been together for over 10 years. There are no birthday/Christmas presents exchanged. No phone calls. That's just how it is. When they are around each other all is good but that is so very rare.
And there were a bunch of combos of pics taken that day so it really wasn't a big deal.
This is where you are dead fvcking wrong. It was a very big deal.
I had a stepmother exactly like you. Exactly. I remember going for those "family" portraits and sitting on a chair to the side watching while SM, my father and my brother did their "real" family photo. It was probably one of the loneliest moments of my life.
And just FYI: My father and my stepmother are miserable now. They fight constantly, separate all the time and have filed for divorce a couple times. He blames her for the fact that he has no relationship with his daughter or his only grandchild.
Re: Help? What's My Role?
Ugh. You are way more selfish than you appeared to me in your initial post. I thought you were worried about your SS's feelings there for a minute.
It is that bad and so much more. My DH travels for work and we live in a different school district and SS has a brother at BM's that he grew up with and will never leave. SS will never go to court and say he wants to leave his mom, he's a quiet child. DH would love for him to live with us and he loves coming over. But moving with us would been transferring schools and that is something that BM would never go for. Plus with H's travel schedule she would say he's with me more than his dad so no.
Every family is differnt. SS has been in my parents house maybe twice and we've been together for over 10 years. There are no birthday/Christmas presents exchanged. No phone calls. That's just how it is. When they are around each other all is good but that is so very rare.
And there were a bunch of combos of pics taken that day so it really wasn't a big deal.
Non BF kids change schools all the time because they move. Changing school's is a small thing in the grand scheme of things.
As for your DH's travel schedule, my DH has a full time job and teaches at a college 3 days a week. It does interfer with his scheduled time with SD but SD is with a responsible adult (me) that cares and loves her AS MY OWN so BM has no problem with her spending time with just me. I can understand why BM wouldn't go for it, you treat her son like a visitor, not family.
And as for the pictures, my parents have a picture of me, my DH, and my SD on their mantle and they treat SD like they will the baby we are about to have. They call and have her spend the night, they take her on play dates, they come to all school plays and ballet recitals. Having a step child is a blessing not a burden and you and the rest of your family need to learn that ASAP or stop trying to make SS believe he is part of your family!
I was going to ask if you were going to take seperate family photos for the Christmas cards to send to your special friends, but apparently you already do.
This whole post makes me want to barf.
you are selfish end of story. When you decided to marry your husband you decided to take on his son too. You don't get to choose that you want to make a new family with just your husband and child. His son did nothing. You are a sorry excuse for a woman, mother, and wife. I pray that your stepson never understands what a disgusting person you are. As for this so called "organization" you want to belong to, I am sure it is that uptight want to be snobby best of the best while meanwhile you are all a bunch of trashy women who no one else will accept in the real world because you have no morals or self worth.
Ew. You make me sick and you don't deserve to be a stepmother let alone a mother to your own child.
Your initial post made the situation out to be a very friendly one. How is your DH friendly with the BM who doesn't feed his child? How have you not called DCF?
You're right, no one knows your situation but you. But you asked for our opinions based on what you posted. And the picture it's painting of you isn't a flattering one.
Your SS is in my thoughts and prayers. Poor kid.
So nobody cares about this poor child? OP, you are a cvnt.
What the what!?! If your step-SON is starving it doesn't matter what he wants, it matters WHAT IS BEST FOR THE CHILD. The fact that you stand by and do NOTHING while your SS starves is more disgusting than the fact that you want to hide him for the next few years. It doesn't matter what BM wants, SS wants, or your snobby friends want, what MATTERS is the safety of a CHILD! You sicken me. Join your club, hide your SS in the basement, and when he writes his tell-all book about how horrible you all are, let's see which of your "best friends" stand by your side.
I am honestly shocked that you have the ballls to post this on here. I am a stepmother to my 17 yo SS, my husband and I have custody of him and his BM fails him weekly for their dinners that they are supposed to go to or pawns him off on someone else so she can be busy doing her thing when he's there for weekend visitation. Shame on her.
Now, shame on you too. You've all but pushed this boy to the side so your perfect Stepford existence won't be smudged in the eyes of your newly purchased circle of friends. You are too concerned with what 'possibilities' could be afforded to your DS instead of both of your sons together. That boy was a packaged deal when you married his father. You'd do well to remember that. No matter how you choose to slice it, you ARE a mother. Whether or not you're actually a good one remains to be seen.
You should be taking pride in your blended family so your SS knows he holds as much a place in your heart as a son as your own biological son does. Clearly this is not the case as you profess repeatedly that you are NOT his mother. You may have not given birth to him but he's learning what kind of spouse to accept by the example you lead. Shame on you for your zeal in pushing him aside. You are showing him it's ok to be cast aside like he's nothing. I'm surprised your DH is not livid with you.
This 'club' you want to join? If it were me, I wouldn't give them the time of day. You don't 'buy' people or friendship. You earn their respect by having some class and dignity within yourself and outwardly to others. But given the tone of your post, I'd say you'll fit in just swimmingly with them.
I'm not sure about it honestly. It's not as tho someone specifically asked if she had SK's and she said no, it sounds more like a lie by omission at worst. Sometimes it is just easier to not even bring it bc by doing so in my past experience often leads to having to explain not nice situations with BM's, etc. I'm just trying to see it from her perspective.
Drama much?
Hey, weren't you the one that said how peaceful your situation with BM is? I am sorry but starving your kid is not peaceful. Break the cycle of screwing this kid over, fight for full custody, and take your kids, BOTH of your kids, to this pretentious "best of the best" event.
OR you are backtracking because you made yourself look like the Stepmom from Cinderella and are now throwing BM under the bus (again, because your OP didn't do it enough justice since we are still mean to you.) God forbid we see you for what you are, an insecure gossipy housefrou that wants to give opportunities to one child leaving the other to do without.
Funny thing is, this comment makes you look more like an ass and less like a caring SM.
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I don't think anyone has an issue with her having traditions with her husband and bio-child.
However it does seem shady, IMO, that she goes on and on about the opportunities it will afford her child and wishing she could extend those benefits to her SS, but she doesn't want to be responsible for transporting him to the events. She doesn't want him to feel excluded, by leaving him home when they go for the brunch, but has no problem hiding this club from him, which he will inevitably find out about and want to be a part of (so she says) and have his feelings hurt. This is hipocrysy at best.
And this organization sounds horrible. But again, just my opinion.
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I think that if this club is great and offers lots of opportunities to your child then it could offer opportunities to your step son. If he is living in a horrible situation, then they just might offer the opportunities that he may need in life. As a stepmother who doesn't really agree with the parenting style of my SS BM I try to provide him with all the opportunities that I can. We make sure he is not just sitting in front of video games, we do family game night, nature walks, outside time. These are things he does not necessarily get from his BM because we are in different situations in our lives. I hate to come down on you because I realize I don't know your whole story but I think if this club is beneficial for your child then it would be beneficial for your SS, esp. if he has a horrible home life, it may be more beneficial for your SS. Any club that did not accept my SS would be a club that I would NEVER want to be a part of.
I also think it is ashame that your parents do not get to see your SS alot and that there are different pictures in their house that do not include him. My parents love my SS and treat him as if he were there own. The more people that love a child the better. We have explained to my SS that he has one mother and one father and that I will never be his mother. But that I care for him very very much and that he will always be able to come to me with anything that he needs to. He has said to me that he wishes I was his mother and out of respect to him BM we have explained that he has a mother who loves him very much and that he is lucky to have a lot of people who care about him. Trust me, me and his BM will NEVER get along for various reasons but that doesn't change the fact that she is his mom. But I will always consider him part of my family and will never exclude him from anything because he is not my own.
Good luck to you and I hope you make the right decision for your family.
This post is unbelievable.
Priss28King is wise.--"Lurky, you are so mean... but always so on point!"
It's ok to have a tradition, like every october the BM and SM takes his second son to get a pumpkin down on washington street and carves it with him. They can tell SS that this is a special event for his half sibling and he will be included in similar events, some that will be only for him.
This isn't a tradition. This is a mandatory meeting that is for all of her family. By excluding her SS, which they would accept his attendance, she is saying he is not her family, and therefore not apart of their family. It goes further that she will have to pretend that SS doesn't exist when his half sibling will get to go to all of these pretentious events, full of activities and fun for kids. She is willing to rob her SS of being afforded the same opportunities that her son will get from this event because of her own hang ups about him not being her son and how she will have to drive more.
*edited to add quote.*
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God, I hope so. OP, you suck. I don't think I could imagine a worse example of a human being if I tried. I bet this "secret organization" denies you, because if it only accepts "the best of the best", honey you're far from it.
It's not like it's breastfeeding, FFS! If you and DH split and you remarried, are you telling me that your new husband wouldn't be allowed to play baseball or taken your son camping? I don't get why you're so hung up on it being "mother" and child. I understand that technically that's what the organization is for but I think you're taking the entire thing way too literally in an effort to make yourself feel better about not wanting to include your SS.
Lurky- I agree
Lilbit- I PPH you
OP- a few points
My DH treats my boys as if they were his own. There is no difference between how he treats them and how he treats his DD. My boys Dad's wifes do treat my kids differently, and they know it. The SM's have never once attended a game they have played, a show they have performed, or a school function. My boys are old enough to see the difference but they dont understand. Even as an adult, I find it hard to understand their unwillingness to accept the boys.
My oldest son calls DH dad. His BD said if he was going to call my DH dad, he had to call his SM mom. I told my DS he could call her mom or he could call her by her name, however we also explained the terms mom and dad as how we see them.
Mom or dad is a job title. It is one earned by hard work, dedication and love. It requires doing the best for the child no matter what it does to yourself. It requires the willingness to pull late nights, early mornings, and all nighters for school events or sick kids. It requires parent teacher conferences and disipline and sometimes being the bad guy. Even after the child turns 18 there will be late night calls for advice. The worry's of a parent never end. It is also the worlds best job. It is paid in hugs and kisses and I love you's. You get to watch this small being grow, learn and take the lessons you have taught them to make themselves a better person.
This is the job of a parent be they mom, dad, stepmom, stepdad, grandparent or legal guardian.
and my DS still calls my DH dad... He also still calls his SM by her name.
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Will you PLEASE tell us what criteria you have to meet to be considered one of the best families? And why won't you tell us the name of the organization? If it's so well-known and has such a great reputation, what's the harm?
I'm sure there are organizations out there that can provide your kid with lots of opportunities without being douchey.
This makes you a horrible person. FYI.
::lurking::
OP, you honestly disgust me. You are so incredibly selfish. You remind me of a woman I was friends with who showed clear and blatant favoritism for her son and hated her SS. She basically wanted to force her SS out of the house upon HS graduation... and the kicker? His room would go to DS, basically indicating he would never have space in his father's home again. I finally got so disgusted with her self-righteousness that I cut her out of my life. People like you and her should never marry someone with children because you're too selfish to see a beautiful family in front of you. You don't deserve to be a part of your SS's life an dI honestly feel sorry for him. You're truly a horrible human being.
I can't even begin to touch on the secret society nonsense. I'd want to have nothing to do with that sort of thing if my family - all parts of it - wouldn't be accepted. Keep in mind that the "benefits" of this organization will also come with consequences - one wrong move, and you'll be black-balled for life.
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Whats sick is that if anything you just stated WAS happening you and his Father are horrible people for not intercepting and helping him. I got to this post and dont even know what anyone else put. Reading this thread has made me sick. I hope your little group finds out your secret and blacklists you from all the wonderful opportunities...
I would suggest talking to BM about adding SS on, after talking to the organization about the possibility of including SS.
I would not ever want to join an organization that had a problem with my stepchild being included in family things.
You sound snotty when you mention that BM doesn't have SS in extracurriculars, makes it sound like she doesn't care and discounts that there may be other reasons. Actually, the entire post sounds snotty.
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What's your role? To not lie about having a stepson and include him in these activities. Pointing out that BM is a bad mom doesn't endear you to me--what, because he gets treated badly at home, that makes your treatment of him okay?
Trust me, if this organization was actually like Skull & Bones, they'd already know you have a stepson.
It's a shame that the "best of the best" represented by this organization don't have better command of the English language than you displayed in this post.
DD #1 born 4/1/2012
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This is where you are dead fvcking wrong. It was a very big deal.
I had a stepmother exactly like you. Exactly. I remember going for those "family" portraits and sitting on a chair to the side watching while SM, my father and my brother did their "real" family photo. It was probably one of the loneliest moments of my life.
And just FYI: My father and my stepmother are miserable now. They fight constantly, separate all the time and have filed for divorce a couple times. He blames her for the fact that he has no relationship with his daughter or his only grandchild.
DS Nathan 12/4/12
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MC: 7/2011, 12/2011