Multiple losses?

kate6267

I just had my second loss... a miscarriage at 7 weeks.... so different then when Emily was born. I really thought I was ok. But here we are 3 weeks out and I think its all starting to hit me. The questions what if something is wrong with me? What if I can never have a live baby?

We know Emily had a rare genetic condition which is random genetics and not hereditary.  I wish we knew what had gone wrong with Baby Little.   I love both babies so much but this all re-cracked what very little healing IHad done after losing Emily. 

It took us 6 months to get pregnant with Emily just to have a loss.... My grief is so different We want to try again as soon as we get the ok. It is just all so scary. 

 

I guess my question is if you have had more then one loss how do you deal with it? Was your grief different the second time around? Did you have testing of any sort done?

Thank you so much and I Hope you all have decent days!

Shayna0182

My situation is a little different.  I had a loss at 17 weeks, and a loss in 2010 at 29 weeks.  I think the loss at 29 weeks was more severe, physically and emotionally.  Ds was also a preemie, and was born in 2009. 

I have had genetic testing done, and am now just waiting for the results to come back.  There were many factors that played into my losses, so I wouldn't compare my situation with most people.

I guess, I just take it day by day.  After we lost Hannah ( 29 weeks)  I was so angry at myself.  I think in the last year and a half I've become more accepting of the things I cannot change.  The bad days are still there, and I do get depressed and cry sometimes, but those days aren't as close together as they used to be. 

Hugs to you!  It will get easier.

butterfly843

Sending hugs, I'm so sorry you had another loss. I've had two more losses since I lost my twins and each time I felt that I was grieving the new loss and regrieving my twins. After my ectopic I had a tough time grief wise, after losing a tube and feeling like I will never be a mother. We've been trying for years and I feel like I can't catch a break.  Just as I started to feel positive again, we had issues with the adoption agency we were going with and can't find a new one that is a good fit for us, plus the anniversary of my twin loss is coming up. If you ever want to talk let me know.

LV2006

I am so sorry for your losses.

I've had 5 losses now (and a probable 6th as well - I started bleeding before the doc ever confirmed the pregnancy, so according to them it didn't count.  Asshats.).  The third and fourth losses followed IUIs, which made it extra hard for me. 

The grief with the early losses was different for me than - not less, just different.  With Audrey I felt like I already "knew" her, and she had been part of our lives for a while (I was 20 weeks along).  The early losses were very sad, but felt more like the loss of possibility than reality.  I don't know if that makes sense... But every loss brought back all the emotions of the first, and each one left me more shattered, more broken and much more bitter.

I had exhaustive testing, and there were never any abnormal findings.  My RE's conclusion was that my eggs are too old.  He is very, very lucky I didn't throat punch him.  I still wish I had.

Wishing you all the best...

 

Carolee

I've had 2 early m/c after losing Eliott.  They hurt, but the pain was nothing like what I felt when we lost Eliott.  Honestly, I don't know that I really have dealt with it.  I feel like I've developed such a thick skin and I am so good at putting on the "happy act" that I've not really gone through the grieving process for the 2 early losses.  I did have RPL testing done after my 3rd loss.

kate6267

LV2006:

I am so sorry for your losses.

I've had 5 losses now (and a probable 6th as well - I started bleeding before the doc ever confirmed the pregnancy, so according to them it didn't count.  Asshats.).  The third and fourth losses followed IUIs, which made it extra hard for me. 

The grief with the early losses was different for me than - not less, just different.  With Audrey I felt like I already "knew" her, and she had been part of our lives for a while (I was 20 weeks along).  The early losses were very sad, but felt more like the loss of possibility than reality.  I don't know if that makes sense... But every loss brought back all the emotions of the first, and each one left me more shattered, more broken and much more bitter.

I had exhaustive testing, and there were never any abnormal findings.  My RE's conclusion was that my eggs are too old.  He is very, very lucky I didn't throat punch him.  I still wish I had.

Wishing you all the best...

 

THis exactly especially the part about possibility I felt like I knew Emily also. 

 

THank you for saying what I could not! 

 

I am so sorry for everyones losses It sucks so bad!

pb127

I am struggling with this right now. I am again heavily grieving DS while also grieving our twins. But this time I feel more numb just because of how heartbreaking our first loss was. I feel like I've spent most of this year in tears.

We didn't have any testing for DS done, but I had some done on myself (clotting disorders, lupus, APA, etc) and everythign came back negative.  With the twins, we've also requested karyotyping and are waiting on the results.  I have a list of a few more things I want my new OB to test for me when I see him next month too. 

kate6267

pb127:

I am struggling with this right now. I am again heavily grieving DS while also grieving our twins. But this time I feel more numb just because of how heartbreaking our first loss was. I feel like I've spent most of this year in tears.

We didn't have any testing for DS done, but I had some done on myself (clotting disorders, lupus, APA, etc) and everythign came back negative.  With the twins, we've also requested karyotyping and are waiting on the results.  I have a list of a few more things I want my new OB to test for me when I see him next month too. 

I feel very numb and broken also! It sucks! This has been such a rough year!  Its just confusing to know where to go from here. I want to start trying right away again, however the holidays are coming up and that just sounds like added stress.