1st Trimester

Parents reaction to pregnancy= disappointing :(

My husband and I just found out we are pregnant on Wednesday. We were not trying and I was faithfully taking my birth control. We just got married in May and I am still in school until May.E ven though we were not trying to get pregnant, we are overjoyed by the news, however my parents reaction was not quite that good. The first people we told after we found out we were pregnant were my parents. We told them by buying them a picture frame that said "the worlds best parents get promoted to grandparents." I expected them to be shocked but excited at the same time, however their reaction really surprised me. Instead of acting surprised and happy they just acted disappointed and didn't really have anything to say. After we told my parents I was crushed and didn't want to tell anyone else because I was afraid of the reaction they would have since my parents reacted so negatively. But, we went ahead and told my husbands parents as well as all of our grandparents and thankfully they were excited and overjoyed just like we were! I am very excited and happy that everyone else in out life is so excited, but it just really disappoints me that my parents are the ones who reacted negatively. I know they were shocked (we all were!) and I know they will come around, but I just really needed their support at the time and I was really hurt by their reaction. Has anyone else had experience with someone they cared about reacting this way? How did you handle it and how long did it take for them to come around? 

Re: Parents reaction to pregnancy= disappointing :(

  • I would cut your parents some slack {my opinion here will probably be a minority}.  We always have dreams and plans for our children and sometimes when we're caught off guard that things didn't happen the way we wanted it's hard to cover the disappointment.  They were probably expecting you to be out of college and in a job before having a family {and my guess is that since you were faithfully taking BC you were too ya know?}.  

    Give them a few days to get used to the idea and I'm sure they're going to be over joyed for you and excited about a new grandbaby to love. 

  • Also, I'm sure it was a big downer to not have your parents share your same joy!  But what matters is that the two of YOU are happy!! Don't let anyone else diminish that. 
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  • I'm sorry that their reaction hurt you. With you just getting married and still in school I'm going to assume they just are nervous about you getting out in the real world and living your life prior to starting your family. They will come around . I'm an older first time Mom...but I'm also a planner, wanted to live my life single, wanted my career on firm footing and wanted to live years with my husband as just two to grow and mature in our marriage....so when I announced the reaction was one of " its about time" because the news was more expected at any time. One of my younger siblings got married and they were pregnant in less than a year later - while everyone was happy the initial reaction was shock ( even my reaction was one of shock...I was speechless) because everyone expected them to give themselves time to get their lives/careers and marriage on firm footing before starting a family. I would just give them time to adjust...parents want the best for their children and the shock has probably just freaked them out in regards the future of the three of you because they want the best for you....they had dreams and aspirations for you and hoped you would experience them before starting a family. Best wishes and congratulations.
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  • My husband and I have been desperately trying to conceive for a while now. We finally went the route of IVF, and were fortunate enough to be successful on our first attempt. Throughout the process all of our parents have been so happy and supportive...except my dad. I am an only child and my husband's only sibling has opted not to have children, so this is a first grandchild for both sides of our family. So...I figured everyone would be excited.

    Throughout the IVF process my dad really had nothing positive to say, but spent most of his time complaining about how much money we were spending. I tried to overlook it and figured he would be happy when it finally happened.

    Well...we went for our first u/s yesterday and it just so happens that he is at our house visiting for the next few days. When I came home from the ultrasound with pictures of his future grandchildren (yes, we found out it's twins) he didn't even want to look at the pictures and flat out told me he wasn't excited. 

    I have no idea why he is reacting like this, but I'm so hurt with him it's all I can do to be civil about it. I just can't believe he is acting like this. There is no reason for it. 

    Anyway, I just want you to know you're not alone. It is not easy to handle when your parents don't share in your joy. I can't offer any advice as to how to get over the hurt, but just hang in there and hopefully they will come around.  :)

    Good luck to you!!  :)

  • It may just be that this wasn't part of the vision they had for your life.  Not that their vision matters, what matters is what you and your husband want.  But it can still be disappointing when things don't go the way parents thought they would for their kids. If I were them, I would have tried to muster up a little bit of excitement even if I felt disappointed, just to make sure you knew that they cared about you, but not everyone is good at that.   I predict that they will come around.  In the meantime, maybe you can have another talk with them and let them know that you are fully dedicated to finishing school, and you WILL finish, even if it's not on the same timeline as you were initially planning, in case that is what they are worried about. 

    For now, just focus on your own excitement and the reaction of people like your husband's parents :)

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  • My parents have never been thrilled about me being pregnant. With DS1 I was 18 and in highschool so I get not being happy about that. They weren't all that happy about DS2 which suprised me. DH and I had been married for two months and we both brought kids to the marriage so maybe that's why? I got pregnant in Dec and they weren't upset but didn't really seem to care. I miscarried that baby and another one in May that they didn't know about. We waited longer to tell them this time. They seemed a little more excited  but still not thrilled. I was an only child. My parents don't understand my desire to have a larger family and already think I have too many children. I'm assuming that's where their lack of excitement comes from.
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  • I am terrified of reactions like this. My husband and I have been married for two years and I am currently in my 6th year of school (some people just can't finish in 4). I will graduate in April, 7 months pregnant and all. We are waiting to tell family and friends until Thanksgiving but I am afraid of my Mom's reaction in particular. She always said that she wants better for me than she had for herself. She got married at 18 and had her first child at 20. I got married at 22 and now pregnant at 24, still young I know. I think she will be relieved that I still plan to finish school but she will be skeptical until I walk across the stage with my diploma. I think a lot of the reaction stems from your parents wanting the very best for you. I'm sure they will be excited very soon!

    We must be due around the same time, we found out about our LO on Tuesday :) Congratulations and don't let anyone take away your happiness and excitement! Here on thebump we are very excited for you!

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