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Anyone else dread going to the inlaws?

Let me start off by saying that I really do like my MIL.  She and I have always got along, but every since my daughter has been born I have dreaded her visiting or us going there.  It really bothers me the way she talked to my daughter (baby talk to the extreme).  Also, whenever my LO starts crying all I want to do is take her and calm her, but MIL never wants help.  And anytime other family is around MIL hogs my daughter and doesn't want anyone else to hold her.  I had to tell her to let my husband's cousin's wife hold her when they were visiting from NC.  I get that this is her first grandchild and she is excited and happy.  I've expressed my concerns to my husband, but nothing that comes from our conversations makes me feel better.  He thinks I hate his mom which is not the case at all.  I don't want to dread visits, but I really do.  I know nothing she is doing is hurting my LO.  Anyone else going through this or have any suggestions to get past this?

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Re: Anyone else dread going to the inlaws?

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    Oh yes yes! I went through this same thing with my MIL when DD was born! She would insist on holding DD when she was screaming her head off. I wanted to run over and ripe her out of her arms. I spoke to my husband and he finally stepped in! He would take her away when she cried instead of me so it didn't look like I was not letting her hold her!

    It's a fine line with the hubby though. I have to be careful not to talk too bad about her because even if he agrees sometimes it is still his mom! So he won't go on and on with me! I vent to my mom a lot!! 

    I would try to explain to your husband that newborns don't just to make people annoyed! They are trying to say something is wrong. Maybe even tell MIL that!?  

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    Yes.  I f-ing hate it.  We just got back from a trip and I hadn't even shut the car door and MIL said, "Give him to me!".  It was in a demanding tone.  Pissed me off to no end.  The first time she ever saw LO he started crying (well no sh*t, he doesn't know you) and I went to reach out for him and she pulled him away from me.  

    They also aim him at the TV so he can "watch tv" which we feel strongly about (against), think he "sleeps too much" and that is why he cries, told me LO has colic because I had a c-section (even though he would have died if I wouldn't have had one).  The list goes on.

    My family is not like this at all.  H is really bothered by it.  He didn't hear his mom say, "Give him to me!".  When I told him a couple days later he was so mad.  The way they behave has really created a lot of tension in the family.   

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    Yup. It never ends. The way my FIL talks to DS1 makes me want to smack him. I just have to remind myself that family is important even though DH's side kind of annoys the crap out of me. Big Smile
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    Logan - 11/09, Lander 08/11, Baby #3 ~It's a girl!!~ EDD: 04/10/14

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    I hate it as well. Just as soon as we get there they're snatching DD away. FIL always asks questions over and over again about reflux. They freak out when she spits up but claim that DH's brother was "100 times worse and we better be thankful Olivia breastfeeds because formula only makes it worse". So why do you jump up like your a$$ is on fire everytime she spits up? FIL also always tells DD when she's fussing that she would be happier if she just stayed with him. Uhm no, she's happier with mom's boob. THEN just yesterday MIL was playing with DD and began saying "Oh was mommy mean to you today?" in that baby voice and kept saying it over and over. I began explaining that we stayed in our pjs all day and relaxed when she cut me off saying it AGAIN. I could go a few weeks without seeing them. Too bad they live 3 minutes away Sad
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    Absolutely. I also hate the silly incessant baby talk. But on top of that, DH's parents are hoarders. Their house is soooo messy. When we come over, there is barely anywhere to sit, much less to change her diaper or nurse her. Last time we went over I had to nurse her on their computer chair! Yeah, that was comfortable...

    I dread the day when MIL offers to babysit, or when DD starts to walk. We're gonna have to have a serious talk with them about the condition of their home.

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    imageclangley09:
    I hate it as well. Just as soon as we get there they're snatching DD away. FIL always asks questions over and over again about reflux. They freak out when she spits up but claim that DH's brother was "100 times worse and we better be thankful Olivia breastfeeds because formula only makes it worse". So why do you jump up like your a$$ is on fire everytime she spits up? FIL also always tells DD when she's fussing that she would be happier if she just stayed with him. Uhm no, she's happier with mom's boob. THEN just yesterday MIL was playing with DD and began saying "Oh was mommy mean to you today?" in that baby voice and kept saying it over and over. I began explaining that we stayed in our pjs all day and relaxed when she cut me off saying it AGAIN. I could go a few weeks without seeing them. Too bad they live 3 minutes away Sad

     

    I hate it when MIL talks in baby talk saying "bad" things about me.  The other day LO was a little fussy and MIL said "do they not feed you here?? you can come over and I'll give you chicken and anything you want."  Right I don't feed my child and eating chicken and stuff is sooo much better for a baby. She has said other things like that too... how about you stop saying bad things about me and give me my child so I can feed her!

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    imagelreginaw87:

    imageclangley09:
    I hate it as well. Just as soon as we get there they're snatching DD away. FIL always asks questions over and over again about reflux. They freak out when she spits up but claim that DH's brother was "100 times worse and we better be thankful Olivia breastfeeds because formula only makes it worse". So why do you jump up like your a$$ is on fire everytime she spits up? FIL also always tells DD when she's fussing that she would be happier if she just stayed with him. Uhm no, she's happier with mom's boob. THEN just yesterday MIL was playing with DD and began saying "Oh was mommy mean to you today?" in that baby voice and kept saying it over and over. I began explaining that we stayed in our pjs all day and relaxed when she cut me off saying it AGAIN. I could go a few weeks without seeing them. Too bad they live 3 minutes away Sad

     

    I hate it when MIL talks in baby talk saying "bad" things about me.  The other day LO was a little fussy and MIL said "do they not feed you here?? you can come over and I'll give you chicken and anything you want."  Right I don't feed my child and eating chicken and stuff is sooo much better for a baby. She has said other things like that too... how about you stop saying bad things about me and give me my child so I can feed her!

    Yes. I HATE this. My own mother is the worst with it and it is really starting to piss me off. Why do you think you can say something negative to my child about me. I don't care if it's a "joke" or not, it's rude. My mom told LO the other day that she loves him more than his own mother... WTF? I am boycotting family for at least a week.  

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    Yes, I completely understand what you're talking about. DH and I have been together for almost 14 years and before ds was born I always got along with my MIL, but now I totally dread spending time with her. She constantly calls to ask if she can babysit ds and if I tell her I'm fine taking care of him she gets all passive aggresive and acts like I don't want her to see the baby. Then when she does see him she talks to him in this annoying baby voice that drives dh and I nuts. What really drives me crazy though is when she holds ds and he starts to cryand she tells him, "sorry baby, but your mom won't let me feed you." (i'm EBF) She makes it seem like I'm starving my baby. Ugh...the list goes on and on. I swear MILs forget what it's like to be a first time mom. Hello!!! you had a child to raise, now it's my turn.
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    My advice, put a smile on and take charge.  Just go up to her and TELL her you want DD.  Don't "ask", don't be timid about it.

    Put a smile and a happy voice on and be really nice about it, but firmly say "o.k. MIL, we need to share DD!  Thanks".  Or talk to your DD as you go up to MIL "Ok sweetie, mommy is here!" and actaully TAKE HER but at the same time smile at MIL and say "thanks MIL!".

    My concern, though, is that your DH is taking this to mean you "hate" his mom?  That seems like a bit of an overreaction on his part.

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
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    We don't go to IL's house bc it's disgusting and filthy and while they're hoarders adn it's fine for them, I refuse to subject LO to it.  LO can visit when they learn to keep their crap clean.  Until then, they can take the 45 min drive to my house.  She makes bitchy side comments to my SIL about how we need to realize hwo "portable" LO is at this age.  Yeah?  Well you need to realize how gross your house is. 
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    I hate going to the inlaws-they smoke(outside at least) but they still stink. FIL has no interest in LO. MIL handed her over to him on the weekend, he held her so awkwardly and said, "Oh no-I think we have a ginger in the family"

    Also, DH asked his MIL if she wanted to feed LO. She agreed, took the bottle and said, "Arent you glad to be using formula? Its so much better." I told her I was pumping and still BFing. She looked at the bottle in disgust and said, "So this is your breast milk?" She then passed LO back to DH with the bottle.

    So no advice-I just try to avoid mine at all costs. 

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    Uh yeah! Especially since the last time I went....which was just with the baby (not DH). I volunteered to bring DD over, out of the goodness of my heart, since MIL had been asking to come see her. I figured I'd do something nice while I still have the time, being on mat leave. In return, MIL decided to make about 10 passive aggressive, hurtful comments - not even to me directly, but to the baby. :/ Like, hello, we both know she doesn't understand, so why don't you just man up and say it to my face?  Ugh. She's such a rotten B.  

     So, yeah I feel your pain... 

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    I can't stand the thought of my IL's holding and fussing over my baby. I don't care for them much at all. If they want to see the baby, DH takes her up to their house. I don't go. Gives me some personal time alone, plus I don't want to see them anyway.
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    Glad I'm not the only one. DH & I promised each other that no matter how angry we get at each other we would never talk poorly about each other to or in front of DD..then my MIL does it?! I guess the mommy in me and the frustration with the IL's makes every joke not so funny!
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    My MIL drives me insane. We took DD to her house the night after we got home from the hospital. She held her almost the whole time we were there until SIL asked to hold her, and then she continuously made comments about how she didn't want to share her, and repeatedly said DD would be happier if we left her at their house. My emotions have been kind of out of control since delivery, and it was all I could do not to burst into tears. I'm hoping they'll back off once her newness wears off.
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    Yes, all the time.  I know it is her first grandchild but when she is around I feel like I just lost my baby for the whole time when she is around.  The first time she grabbed DD out of my arms was when we came home from the hosipital and I wanted to cry, she didn't even ask. I told Dh that it upset me and since then she does ask before she takes her but she hovers over me until I give DD to her.  The one time we were over at their house DH asked SIL to give him to her and she flat out said "no" it took all my rage not to go off on her, I was thinking did she really just deny my husband his daughter. Now she comes and visits every week at our house but if DD is sleeping, I won't let her wake DD.  I know it upsets her because she always makes statements  to the effect that "I need to keep her awake" or " It has been so long since I held you" even though she sees her every week.  I even tell her the best time to come so that DD will be awake but then those are the days she doesn't want to come at that time. Like others have said she isn't hurting LO and I do like MIL but let me raise my child, and I do think they forget how it is to be a FTM
    TTC since May 2009 Dx PCOS Metformin 1500 a day Aug 2010 1st RE visit ovaluated on own Sept 2010 Clomid Oct 2010 Clomid, HCG Nov 2010 Femera Dec 2010 Femara, HCG Sucessful Jan 2012 Femara, HCG Feb 2012 Femera, Follistim, HCG Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Pregnancy Ticker
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    Oh, and the baby talk she does drives me crazy! Its the same way she talks to her dogs. She talks so low that I can't hear what she says.Hopefully it's nothing bad.
    TTC since May 2009 Dx PCOS Metformin 1500 a day Aug 2010 1st RE visit ovaluated on own Sept 2010 Clomid Oct 2010 Clomid, HCG Nov 2010 Femera Dec 2010 Femara, HCG Sucessful Jan 2012 Femara, HCG Feb 2012 Femera, Follistim, HCG Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Pregnancy Ticker
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