Why do people make hard things harder? — The Bump
LGBT Parenting

Why do people make hard things harder?

I posted once, introducing myself, asking for future support as I divorce my husband because I'm just coming out. Things havn't been too bad so far. They've been a little awkward at work as people have realized I'm getting a divorce and when a coworker's student saw me out with the girl I'm dating (no word on whether she outed me to her teacher.) Mostly, I'm dealing and my husband is being incredibly supportive. However, I'm on the verge of breaking down tonight because I've pretty much completely lost my only friend in the whole state (I moved last year and was then unemployed and didn't meet a lot of people.) My friend, her husband, my husband, and I used to hang out constantly. And then I came out. They think I'm being selfish. Her husband thinks I need to honor the commitment I made to my husband and is mad at me. She says she wants to hang out again but I know due to things she has said about a friend who went through the exact same situation, that she thinks I should stay married. It feels like it'd be awkward to hang out with someone who so fundamentally doesn't understand. The thing that drove the situation home tonight, it's really stupid, was that her husband unfriended me on Facebook. We weren't aquaintences; we used to spend 3 nights a week hanging out with both of them. He, as well as she, was one of my closest friends. And me saying that I'm a lesbian and can no longer be married has so offended him (he's a liberal, too) that he can't even be associated with me electronically. I know he's really just taking my husband's "side," but he doesn't want there to be sides; he told me that he's on my side, if anything. It just makes me sad that another area of my life has to change so drastically just because I'm trying to be who I really feel I am. Sorry for the random vent. I needed a supportive place to get my thoughts out so I could sleep. Thanks for being available. Excuse the formatting; I'm on my phone.
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Re: Why do people make hard things harder?

  • image themommymonster:

    I lost friends when I came out, too. It was awful and hard, but looking back after at I came out I realized that the people who really loved me for me were still there. I was still the exact same person I was before I came out. If anything I was happier and kinder after I did. The only thing that changed was that I liked girls, not boys.


    I am glad your husband is being supportive and helping you discover you.


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