XP: Rough Night: I am the WORST friend ='(

lmc5004

Tonight my best friend in the world and my other friend (we are extremely close too) and our husbands all went to dinner. At the beginning I looked down and then looked back up and my friend was holding a sign that said  "We are pregnant" and then my best friend popped out a sign that said "We are too".*GUT PUNCH* I wanted to cry and run away. I feel horrible that I felt that way. What kind of friend feels like that?!I felt ambushed and unprepared and confused and jealous and upset and I was in public. Unable to escape. Unable to act the way I felt.My best friend (whom I lectured about it not being that simple and plannable, blah blah blah) got pregnant her first month trying. She never even had to see a BFN?! How does that happen to people. They planned to be pregnant together and look, it happened. They are only 2 weeks apart and their lives and little ones will be close and perfect forever.What kind of best friend isnt overjoyed when they hear this news?!I hate being this person. But I am. And im hurt. and upset. and broken. and I wanna hide.

reb259

It must have been that you were taken off guard because you have an adorable, amazing little miracle.  And depending on how far along they are, all the babies will be less than a year apart.

Believe me, I often wonder how/why people can get so pregnant so easily and why I am not.

MontyMrs

((Hugs)) I don't think you're a bad friend at all, you were pretty blindsided.

Dragonfly1226

Honestly, I would have reacted the same way. The pain of IF did not just melt away for me when had P. Don't get me wrong. We are so overjoyed and blessed to have him. Not a day goes by that dh and I don't look at him and tell each other how much we love him and how very lucky we are that he is ours. But I will never forget all the tears I cried and all the pain I went through to have him. You were definitely blind sided, and you are human. I believe that you will be able to be happy for your friends in time. But give yourself some slack. You went through hell to have DS and it's still hard to see others who seem to have it so easy. Now go cuddle that adorable little boy of yours. He is so huggable! (((((hugs)))))

vanessagorc

I cut and pasted what i wrote over on PAIF...

Honestly...i know they are ur friends, but if someone pulled a sign out on me.....

I would have gone ape$hit.  Hugs for the situation, but that is perhaps the lamest announcement i have ever heard.  And i would have told them that.  Announcements are hard, stupid announement are really hard.

 No one's life is perfect.  Textbook, i have the most amazing life ever...im sure people would die for it.  But im still trapped over on IFV...so nothing is ever perfect, or how we really planned (even when it seems that way).

HUGS LMC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

amers83010

You know I love you, Linds! And like I said, eventho you have your beautiful, perfect little boy to snuggle every night, it doesnt take away from the pain and heartache IF caused.

On the brightside..... Foster and the girls' poligamist (sp) relationship will be a nice distraction

Love you!

newsbaby

Wow. They know of your struggle and that is how they announced to you? I am so sorry. I would feel the same way. I am so grateful for my babies. But the sting of IF never goes away for me. I have branded my heart for life.

RFBsbride

vanessagorc:

I would have gone ape$hit.  Hugs for the situation, but that is perhaps the lamest announcement i have ever heard.  And i would have told them that.  Announcements are hard, stupid announement are really hard.

This exactly...I'm sorry - I know it's not easy to hear people say not-nice things about your friends, but I think this kind of announcement was really inappropriate, especially if it was just the three couples - like you said, it's like an ambush!  I mean, if it was a huge party with a lot of people or something, I might be more accepting of it, but this approach is really hard to swallow. 

Tears would have been flowing for sure if it were me and I would not have been able to control telling them both off for their insensitivity.  

I'm so sorry you had to have a night like that...(((BIG HUGS)))

Mitzi Bishi

vanessagorc:

I cut and pasted what i wrote over on PAIF...

Honestly...i know they are ur friends, but if someone pulled a sign out on me.....

I would have gone ape$hit.  Hugs for the situation, but that is perhaps the lamest announcement i have ever heard.  And i would have told them that.  Announcements are hard, stupid announement are really hard.

 No one's life is perfect.  Textbook, i have the most amazing life ever...im sure people would die for it.  But im still trapped over on IFV...so nothing is ever perfect, or how we really planned (even when it seems that way).

HUGS LMC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I completely agree. It always seems worse when people try to pull the cutesy things like that and make it a huge dramatic production, especially if they were both in on it and caught you so off guard in public. 

Sorry for the double whammy. Sophistication and simplicity go hand in hand, this announcement was tacky.  

njdcgirl

Sorry you had to hear that way.  I've felt the same sucker punch a few times.

I honestly think that people think that all the pain of IF just goes away when you have a LO.  That is simply not true, but another thing that I think that fertiles will just never get.    You are not an awful friend.  [But I do think they would be flabbergasted if you told them the way you felt.] ((HUGS)) to you.

cutebride73

I don't blame you for feeling that way one bit.  I am sure they thought that since you have your little guy that your IF is long forgotten and that you would think their announcement was "cute".  I think IF is like any disease or serious issue, it gets in your head and stays in your head and even having success doesn't take those feelings you had away.  People who haven't experienced it have no clue.  

I don't think you are a bad friend at all and I am sure in time you will feel excitement and happiness for them, but there is a part of it that may always give you some painful feelings - that's just the way it is. 

((((hugs)))) 

ryansmamaxo

Omg.....they obv have to know you have had trouble, why why why would they do this to you!?!?? I'm sorry if im missing something but this sounds awful on their part!!!

ryansmamaxo

Ok I replied before I scrolled down& saw you had a little guy! Congrats!!!! Still, i understand how you feel.

NicoleeBonsai

amers83010:

You know I love you, Linds! And like I said, eventho you have your beautiful, perfect little boy to snuggle every night, it doesnt take away from the pain and heartache IF caused.

On the brightside..... Foster and the girls' poligamist (sp) relationship will be a nice distraction

Love you!

lol!

DeputiesWife

::hugs::

I am so sorry. I am so sorry that they blindsided you. You are not a bad friend. At all. These feelings NEVER go away.  

cookie_queen

I would have felt exactly the same way. I'm so sorry you had to experience that.

They should feel like terrible friends, not you. 

jessican08

I'm so sorry. That would've caught me completely off guard too. You're not a horrible friend for feeling that way. Your friends probably figured now that you've had your beautiful baby, that you're magically "OK" and all of those old feelings are gone. WRONG!

It's not fair that some people have things fall into place so perfectly with their family plans and they only deal with "when I'm PG", not "if I get PG". ((HUGS))