Is the babysitter being mean to my baby when I am gone?
I came home early today from work and found my 18 mo old son crying hysterically sitting on the rug in his room. Tears streaming down, really sobbing and worked up. The babysitter looked surprised I was home and picked him up and started nervously chatting about the day. I asked why he was crying (nicely) and she said "oh we were playing peek-a-boo and he got scared." This doesn't feel right to me. In my gut I feel it. My imagination is freaking me out. Is she one of these people that enjoys making a baby cry and then soothes them? Is she taunting him, angry or stressed out? I am planning on getting a nanny cam immediately. She is otherwise supernanny. She cleans even though we tell her she doesn't have to. She makes crafts with him (her idea) and listens to everything we say (diet, naps, etc). So I don't get it. Everything I am reading (and believe you me, I am a googling manaic reading everything I can find on babysitters and emotional abuse) says the baby will shy away or be afraid of the sitter after a while. This is her 4th week with us. I am afraid to ask but what do you think? Any suggestions or comments? Ugh.
Re: Is the babysitter being mean to my baby when I am gone?
Just lurking, but this(along with your description) tells me it isn't right. Listen to your intuition, you know your baby best.
Hoping it either is what she says it is, or that the situation can be corrected swiftly and with ease. GL to you.
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I would set up the nanny cam. I highly doubt a game of peek a boo leads to hysterical crying from a toddler. Hopefully nothing is wrong and that the nanny cam will show nothing. Maybe she was just nervous that you would think she was a bad sitter because your child was crying??
Your son is 18 months old so you should be able to get an idea of how the nanny is treating your son by how he reacts when he sees her. Is he happy and excited when he sees her? Or, is it a negative reaction? Is he clean and happy when you get home typically?
I know Morgan cries sometimes when I'm home but it doesn't mean I treat her poorly or don't take care of her. Kids cry.
That being said, I would follow your gut and bring it up in a direct yet professional manner to your nanny.
As a former nanny, I do want to say that what you are feeling is legit. As a mom I completely understand. But you don't want go blame her right away something that may have been innocent.
Maybe he did something bad and she scolded him and was nervous to tell you that she had to do that.
I remember when I was a nanny I would have some rough days with the two boys, and I HATED when the mom would come home and completely dismiss all of the bad behavior and hug and kiss them right after I got done having to discipline them.
Its really hard allowing someone else to take over your job. You naturally want to swoop in and shower them with love because you were gone and want to make up for that lost time. I get it trust me!
Just trying to show you what could have gone on from her perspective.
You're right in feeling suspicious though! If you feel you have cause for concern then go ahead with the nanny cam. You can never be too careful. But maybe have a chat with her and ask how she disciplines so you're on the same page with it.
I was going to chime in with that last bit.
If you ask her, you might indicate that you're suspicious - In which case, she might be wise enough to look for a nanny cam.
This.
I would get a nanny cam asap, or ask my child out right. When she comes tomorrow I would see how he reacts to her. If he was even the least bit frightened, I would stay home and send her on her way.
Trust what your child is telling you. Babies are excellent judges of character and don't know how to hide things from you.
When my son (he's 10 now) wasn't even walking yet, I was engaged. Well, my fiance would watch my son when I was on patrol. I noticed that when I got home, my son would do all he could to get to me. He wouldn't want my fiance to hold him. Well, a few days later we went to bed. Fiance said he would get up with the baby since I had to work the next morning. Connor wakes up crying and fiance goes in there. I hear the screaming get worse and he's yelling at Connor "WTF is wrong with you?! Don't be a diick all your life!" by the time I got to the doorway he was holding Connor up level with his head. I thought he was going to throw Connor against the wall. My son was a year old then.
I told my fiance to pack his shiit and be out on the next thing smoking. That was the first time my suspicion was confirmed and I've never spoken to him since then.
I agree with the posts mentioning that she wasn't expecting you and was caught off-guard/wasn't prepared to give you the explanation of what really happened. I also agree you should have a talk with her about her discipline techniques so you can keep it consistent with eachother and that she doesn't need to feel uncomfortable letting you know he may have been acting up that day, etc.
I do agree that you can base it somewhat on the child's reaction next time he sees her, but i wouldn't rely on that 100% as my toddler starts crying/screaming/clinging to me when she knows I'm about to leave and someone is there to watch her..
I don't think it would hurt to set up a nanny cam either... better to assume something is wrong and find out nothing is than to have it the other way around. =0)
ok, heres the update. i never did get a nanny cam, we just let her go. i was going to get a nanny cam but for what? so i can leave my baby with the person who i suspect may be doing something to him?? my husband called her from his job the next morning and gave her the boot. he was polite and didn't go into it other than we need to save money and his sister will be watching him now. he offered to pay her for the rest of the week (this was tuesday). she knows where we live and knows my schedule and we have only known her for a month so i didn't feel comfortable confronting her and having it turn into a big argument. and who knows these days. well it turned out badly. she showed up at my doorstep crying. i was pretty scared actually. she wanted to see max. i handed her the check and that was that. yikes!
trust your gut people!!! and thank you for all the support. it REALLY helped me!