Do you wait for an invitation to attend a school event or game?

bebe11

To be more specific, if your stepkid had an award ceremony at school and your DH said that he was going, do you wait for him to ask you to go as well, or do you just go?

I am asking because I was a little confused the other day.  My H is back working graveyard shift (which I hate), so he gets home from work around 7am.  So he comes home yesterday and tells me that he has to wake up at 11, because BM asked him if he could go to SD school because she was getting an award.  He said she asked him to go, because she couldn't get off work to go.  I said oh, ok. What time is it at.  He tells me, but never asked me if I wanted to go. 

I totally forgot last night to ask him how it went, so I asked him this morning.  He said it was good, and said SD got real excited when she saw "us".  I said who was "us", and he said BM and her Mom ended up going too.  Which is awesome that they were there.  So I just asked if he didn't invite me to attend because he knew they would be there.  He had a stupid look on his face and just said "i didn't think you would want to go". ehhh...  Now, i really didn't want to go, since it is about 35 minutes from where I work, but I certainly would of gone.

I guess it is werid to me, because I ALWAYS, ask him to go to things with me.  Tonight is a back to school picnic at my DD's school and I invited him to go, and I ask him to go to her soccer games with me too. Am I way off base here?  

SteveandKris

Got awards and sports no, I don't want as I have so few days off, I'm there when I can be. For doctors appts, I want for him to ask me if I'd come for a second ear/opinions. (bm doesn't have legal rights to medical opinions/consents)

Ginlyn0

In our house no invitation is needed and I can't imagine having to be invited to one of my SK's events or inviting DH to something of my DD's. It is assumed I will be there and the same goes with DH for my DD's events just like we will both be at DS's events when he is older.  The moment we got married we started working as one family and not separate families living in one house.

Krisx2

Since we are in a long distance parenting situation, we don't ever get invited to those types of events,so I'd have to speculate how it would be attending a SK's event. DH and I don't invite each other to events that happen in our exclusive lives (like work BBQ's or non-mutual friend parties). We just assume that both will be attending, as a married unit. So I guess I never wait to be invited or ask DH to do activities with me. I would have taken his statement of what time and where the event was taking place as an invite. I would have just gone. But that's how our relationship works. 

steph141

gin9874:

In our house no invitation is needed and I can't imagine having to be invited to one of my SK's events or inviting DH to something of my DD's. It is assumed I will be there and the same goes with DH for my DD's events just like we will both be at DS's events when he is older.  The moment we got married we started working as one family and not separate families living in one house.

This! While DH and I parent our own biokids, we feel like it's super important to be there for the fun/good stuff like awards ceremonies and such for the Skids.

fellesferie

How intuitive/sensitive is your H? Maybe he just figured you wouldn't want to go and didn't want to put you in the position of either going anyway or saying no. 

 

bebe11

fellesferie:

How intuitive/sensitive is your H? Maybe he just figured you wouldn't want to go and didn't want to put you in the position of either going anyway or saying no. 

 

Not very!  We have very different personalities and parenting styles.  I do assume that he would go with me to games, events, or school things.  I don't  exactly extend him an invitation, but I guess I ask him to make sure he knows and if he does want to go.  I do make sure he knows about things in advance (i have a big white board calendar in the kitchen to keep track of everything), and I am pretty much the only one who updates it.  I bought it for a different reason, to help HIM inform me of things going on, so he can write it on there.  Since his work schedule sucks, and I don't see him everyday, it was my attempt at giving him another resourse to communicate things to me.  It worked for the first month...

bebe11

fellesferie:

How intuitive/sensitive is your H? Maybe he just figured you wouldn't want to go and didn't want to put you in the position of either going anyway or saying no. 

 

Also, he did assume that I didn't want to go.  But I tried to explain that as a family, he should of still asked me to go.  The way he told me about it, wasn't like he was waiting for me to jump in and say "ok where are we meeting" type of thing.  He didn't seem like he really wanted to go, since he was only going to get 3 hours of sleep, but only went because BM told him no one else would be there for sd. 

I was just currious what other people do in these types of situations.

FriskyPanda

gin9874:

In our house no invitation is needed and I can't imagine having to be invited to one of my SK's events or inviting DH to something of my DD's. It is assumed I will be there and the same goes with DH for my DD's events just like we will both be at DS's events when he is older.  The moment we got married we started working as one family and not separate families living in one house.

This. If the kids have something going on it is assumed that we both go if we can. When worked in an office I had a hard time getting off, but the evening stuff definitely unless it's something we can't take DD to.

In the situation you described I probably wouldn't have gone because there really wasn't any notice given and you can't always drop work for school stuff.

SWmama

We are a no-invite necessary house as well. It's assumed that unless I'm ill or something unexpected comes up that I'll be there. However, if an event is in the evening DH will ask if I'm planning on going since DD can be a BEAST if she has to stay up much later than 7-7:30.

karatechrissy

I have never had that a question in my mind. My husband and I are a parental unit and do things together. If there is something going on I don't feel I have to wait for an invite to go Somewhere. I can't even relate to that at all. I would be thinking what you thought and would have asked the same thing. I think that was pretty rude to be honest. Not trying to sound snarky, I just don't think that was nice.

+j+k+

This was not an issue inour home.  SD was very good about telling both DH and I what was going on so that we could be there.  She made it clear she wanted us there.  She didn't bother with her mom. She knew she wouldn't come.  She didn't even make it to SD's graduation. 

If I were you, becuase of the precedent (sp?) that has been set by your husband, I'd have a little talk with him about how you too would really like to attend these events and if it's something you should assume you are going to, or if you should wait for an invite from him or SD.  Just let him know what your preference is and you'd love to go.

FriskyPanda

+j+k+:

This was not an issue inour home.  SD was very good about telling both DH and I what was going on so that we could be there.  She made it clear she wanted us there.  She didn't bother with her mom. She knew she wouldn't come.  She didn't even make it to SD's graduation. 

If I were you, becuase of the precedent (sp?) that has been set by your husband, I'd have a little talk with him about how you too would really like to attend these events and if it's something you should assume you are going to, or if you should wait for an invite from him or SD.  Just let him know what your preference is and you'd love to go.

This is great advice.

J&A2008

I had the opposite problem when I was a new SM.  DH was getting upset with me when I was working and things were coming up at the school and I wasn't taking time off to go to every little thing.  I didn't get why he expected me to be able to miss work every week for this or that. 

I'd tell him that you'd like to go, and that next time you'd like to be included.  He might have thought it was too much to ask you to go.

SusanH.

When DH and I were engaged and  BM was remarried, all 4 of us went to SS school/sporting events.  I just naturally assume I am invited (actually I am the driving force at our house to go to all the events) now that we are married.

 

bebe11

FriskyPanda:

+j+k+:

This was not an issue inour home.  SD was very good about telling both DH and I what was going on so that we could be there.  She made it clear she wanted us there.  She didn't bother with her mom. She knew she wouldn't come.  She didn't even make it to SD's graduation. 

If I were you, becuase of the precedent (sp?) that has been set by your husband, I'd have a little talk with him about how you too would really like to attend these events and if it's something you should assume you are going to, or if you should wait for an invite from him or SD.  Just let him know what your preference is and you'd love to go.

This is great advice.

I agree, and I will have this talk with him!  Thank you!