bed sharing/nursing/lots of waking... catch 22? help!
So here' my dilemma. My DS is 2 months old. We've been bed-sharing since the beginning. I love it! Makes nursing at night so much easier. But here's my question. He is very restless at night -- after an initial 2-3 hour burst of sleep, he usually wakes up every 45 minutes - 2 hours. But he's not really waking up. We bed share, so when he starts moving around, grunting, etc. I wake up. I usually pop him on the breast, he settles down, falls back asleep. But then he's up (or moving) again -- sometimes 30 minutes later! Am I too sensitive of a sleeper? Should I not be nursing him this often? If he slept in the pack-n-play next to the bed, would I hear his grunts less/feel his movement less? The great thing about it is that, even tho I am waking up a lot, he usually isn't at all. He never wakes up all the way. If he did sleep in his pack-n-play, would he sleep longer (maybe?), but because he might fuss more before waking, would he be harder to get back to sleep? I guess I might just try and pack-n-play thing for a few nights, but I'm curious to hear what some more experieinced bed-sharers might have to say about the situation. Honestly, it's not horrible to wake up 4-5 times a night for 15-20 minutes at a time. But I feel like neither of us are getting good sleep, so ...
Re: bed sharing/nursing/lots of waking... catch 22? help!
Should I not be nursing him this often? Absolutely! he is growing and needs the milk!
If he slept in the pack-n-play next to the bed, would I hear his grunts less/feel his movement less? Yeah you might, but for me I didn't sleep any better because I was checking on her all the time, but my daughter slept worse when she slept alone even with my pnp right there
If he did sleep in his pack-n-play, would he sleep longer (maybe?) My daughter sleeps better with me and always has, even when I was doing all the right thing to get her to sleep alone, I was more exhausted and starting to resent it.
but because he might fuss more before waking, would he be harder to get back to sleep? That is exactly what the studies show, mommas who bedshare and nurse often fall asleep quicker (the awake time for mom and baby is much shorter) even keeping baby in a PNP near still adds time onto night waking.
I spent the first 8months of my daughters life doing everything to get her to sleep alone, she was adament and finally I completely allowed full bed-sharing and I haven't slept better and haven't looked back I love bed-sharing. I unfortunately had a bad doctor who told me I would kill my baby by bed sharing it freaked me out and I didn't have any research or even internet to look it up so I tried to keep her out of my bed and even did unsafe things like falling asleep with her in my arms while I was on a chair. Later I found out nursing mommas who bed-share properly are putting their baby at far less risk for sids than a baby in a crib.
https://www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/faqs-about-sleep-problems/safe-co-sleeping-research
https://www.breastfeeding.com/reading_room/co_slepping.html
Little Rose is 2 1/2.
I wondered the same things as you, and actually when LO slept in the PnP he would go for 6-8 hrs without waking me up - and we had it right next to the bed, I could reach over and touch him. Much like you described, now that we bed share I wake up a few times a night and nurse him back to sleep when he fusses for a few minutes.
IMO I'd rather wake up a few times a night for a few minutes than let LO sleep and him not get the milk/comfort he seems to need. As long as I go to bed at a decent hour I rarely wake up feeling tired and LO is happy and growing so I don't think the brief wakings are a problem.
If you enjoy bed sharing, maybe if he stirs and it's only been a short time wait a few minutes to see if he settles down on his own.
We are a few months farther along in this scenario. To each his own, but I love bedsharing. D does nurse more, but 1) the waking happens less often, 2) I know exactly what is happening with him, 3) I do believe our bond is stronger as a result, and 4) I don't really wake up anymore.
My DH just commented this week, 'did you wake up at 11:30 last night? I saw you take D and pull him to you, but I could tell you weren't awake. that's awesome!'
I like what Dr. Sears says about it... that we wake more often, but our sleep is less disturbed because we are so close. And LOs don't wake so much either. Even Healthy Sleep Habits (which has a rep for being strict) says if you bedshare to go ahead and nurse away during the night and no night waking habit will develop (again, because LOs isn't fully waking up).
Enjoy!
by default- I started putting Wyatt in the PNP besides the bed 2 weeks ago. He ahd a cold and was super stuffed up and I wanted him to safely sleep with a wedge. He immediately started sleeping 4 hours for the first stretch and even 5 sometimes (I actually got a 6 hour stretch too!) It took me 4 or 5 days to emotionally adjust. I was so used to and attached to having him in bed with me. I missed him and kept looking down at him so i didn't sleep well the first couple of nights but after that----that first stretch of sleep changed my world! I feel SO much more rested. I think it allowed me to let go and just fall into a deep sleep without having to have that half aware sleep because he is beside me. So when he wakes from that first stretch, I pul him in with me, nurse him and we fall asleep together. He'll do another 3 hour stretch and then a 1-2 hour stretch after that. It actually makes it so much nicer for us because I'm way more rested and I really savor those last couple of hours in the morning that he and I are in bed together cuddling
Before I would be frustrated and tired and never felt rested at all. I also move around alot while sleeping so I'm sure I was waking him up and he waking me up with all the grunting and sounds as he went in and out of sleep cycles.
You asked if it would wake him up more if he fussed. Don't worry, you'll wake up if he makes noise and it won't get to the point of fussing before you pick him up and start nursing him. I think Wyatt doesn't make as much noise at night now because I'm not waking him with my moving around/milk scent etc. Does that make sense? They make more noise if they are going in and out of deep/light sleep. If he sleeps deeper for that first stretch than he won't make as much noise and you'll both sleep better. When Wyatt starts making noises and moving I watch him for a moment. Often he'll go abck to sleep and I will too but I can usually tell if it's the real thing and he is ready to eat.
Biggest piece of advice with this (not that I haven't already written a book!) The PNP mat is super hard and Wyatt wasn't having it. Plus I was nervous about flat head with it. Finn is probably too big for the bassinett portion and will be in the lower section right? My MIL bought one of those egg crate mattress covers from wal mart and cut a rectangle, actually two and faced them towards eachother (egg facing in, flat texture facing out) she sewed a cover over them but you can use a fitted crib sheet. Put it over the mat and then put another crib fitted sheet over the three layers and tuck it tightly around all edges so that it cannot come out. If Finn is used to your bed, he probably won't like the hardness of the PNP.
So try him in the PNP momma and get yourself some sleep. He'll sleep better too. Give it a good week for both of you to adjust. At first he will probably wake at his regular times but it will get better after a few days
sorry for all the typos. I'm sitting in bed in the dark while Wyatt is sleeping
I'm not sure if I made sense- He is in the PNP for his first strech of sleep and then we bedshare for the rest of the night/morning.