Sperm Donor TV Show

Mitzi Bishi

Has anyone watched this? I just read about it here:

https://tinyurl.com/638m98f" target="_blank" title="https://tinyurl.com/638m98f">https://tinyurl.com/638m98f

One guy had to tell his fiance he's fathered 70+ children. It's on the style network, which I'm not sure I can get over here, but it sounds like an interesting show due to so many of our circumstances.  

Edited to make clicky... I hope.  

mandalinn25

There was a post about it on 3T the other day.  Honestly I have a big issue with it being made into a show like that it just seems very AWish to me.  And how has he fathered so many children?  Our cryobank has a limit on how many children that a donor can father for safety reasons.  

The whole thing skeeves me out.  I am all for awareness about sperm donors/the children, but this seems like a crazy reality show thing. 

Mitzi Bishi

Sorry... we have visitors right now so I haven't caught up on the posts. I also haven't seen the show, yet. 

I was hoping it wouldn't just be AW style and more informational. Having a set limit is definitely good. It seems like the only publicity for IF is negative. It's a pity.  

Aegis2005

I did - I'd read about it in boston.com a couple of weeks ago, so I was curious.  He said he knows of 70 children that were the result of his donations, but it may be upwards of 120-140. 

Ben really bothered me, because he didn't seem to think it was irresponsible to donate as much as he did, because it paid for law school.  I guess it's good there's a registry that allows children of donors to find half-siblings, but I'd be terrified that half-siblings would unknowingly fall in love and have genetic issues with future children.

This is probably an ignorant question on my part, so I apologize in advance, but aren't there any limitations on the number of donations a cryobank will allow you to do?  I guess in mind, I always thought there were.  Were there no regulations when he was doing that, or are there still no regulations?

I was glad the show also showcased a couple of half sisters that were meeting for the first time.  This felt more like what I'd expect in the world of sperm donors.

Mitzi Bishi

I know in here in the UK they supposedly limit things as well, but they recently found some clinics weren't 100% honest. I think the max here is 10. I don't see how a max can be established. Someone could have an egg put in that splits to twins and I know some would like their sib sets to be bio.  

If we needed DS I have thought about asking my best friend who is a gay man that I know and love so there would be no chance of something like this happening. IF is just so complicated. 

gidge

I don't know what the limit is based off... number of donations or number of offspring (of course they can only go off reported births).

 I do know that sometimes donors are pulled due to # of births but families that already have children from that donor can still get access to the vials.

mandalinn25

Oh no apology needed at all.  I admit that I am a bit biased about this subject because we are using donor sperm and used a closed donor on purpose.  I just feel that this show was all about the donor, when it is the children that should be front scene in my mind.  But again, I am extremely biased.  

gervaisj6

At first, when I found out about this show, I wanted to see it. I am pregnant from a donor. I thought it might be interesting. To be honest, it made me nauseated to watch it.

First, part of being a responsible parent, is to report your  birth to the sperm bank. As the pp said, banks have limits on how many family units you can have. I dont know of any bank that allows so many units. The banks cant do anything about the vials already purchased, but they can make the donor unavailible if the family unit limits have been met for potential purchasers.

Another thing that was crazy to me, is that his fiance still seemed hung up about him donating...It lookef like they were really close to getting married, eventhough she had known if his donations after 3 weeks of dating. Also, I think his numbers were inflated. When he was talking to his friend, he was thinking about how many times he donated, and that 1 time resulted in a pregnancy. Well, yeah, donor insemination works for some people the first time, but most people-including me, it did not. It took 4 times.

We chose an open id donor, where at the age of 18, the child may contact the donor. The donor has agreed to one contact, via email,.etc. But I know our sperm bank can send baby pics to the donor before that.  the I have heard that they may make getting compensated for donating illegal. So you will have people supposedly donating because they want to do it for the right reasons, instead of funding law school.

The government  looks at sperm donation just like any other tissue donation  -like, blood, plasma, marrow donors dont get paid. But there will always be ways around it. They could give giftcards, other things as compensation. But anyway, Ben on that show made me sick...

The story about the half sisters was good. I really want to see Donor Unknown documentary. 

But I am not so sure I could stomach another episode of Ben... blech. 

 

I also thing it focused way too much on the donor. The kids are what matters, I think.  But that is just my opinion. 

Mitzi Bishi

gervaisj6:

At first, when I found out about this show, I wanted to see it. I am pregnant from a donor. I thought it might be interesting. To be honest, it made me nauseated to watch it.

First, part of being a responsible parent, is to report your  birth to the sperm bank. As the pp said, banks have limits on how many family units you can have. I dont know of any bank that allows so many units. The banks cant do anything about the vials already purchased, but they can make the donor unavailible if the family unit limits have been met for potential purchasers.

Another thing that was crazy to me, is that his fiance still seemed hung up about him donating...It lookef like they were really close to getting married, eventhough she had known if his donations after 3 weeks of dating. Also, I think his numbers were inflated. When he was talking to his friend, he was thinking about how many times he donated, and that 1 time resulted in a pregnancy. Well, yeah, donor insemination works for some people the first time, but most people-including me, it did not. It took 4 times.

We chose an open id donor, where at the age of 18, the child may contact the donor. The donor has agreed to one contact, via email,.etc. But I know our sperm bank can send baby pics to the donor before that.  the I have heard that they may make getting compensated for donating illegal. So you will have people supposedly donating because they want to do it for the right reasons, instead of funding law school.

The government  looks at sperm donation just like any other tissue donation  -like, blood, plasma, marrow donors dont get paid. But there will always be ways around it. They could give giftcards, other things as compensation. But anyway, Ben on that show made me sick...

The story about the half sisters was good. I really want to see Donor Unknown documentary. 

But I am not so sure I could stomach another episode of Ben... blech. 

 

I also thing it focused way too much on the donor. The kids are what matters, I think.  But that is just my opinion. 

Wait... these are episodes featuring the same guy? That's seriously AW of all this. I don't want DS to catch a bad wrap, because we know how uneducated the greater public is. I'm sure there are plenty of other cases (like yours! ... Congratulations!) that aren't as sensationalized. Maybe I'm just mistaken that people want more of a documentary / educated approach to things. That's what I hoped this would be like. 

gervaisj6

I don't know if Ben is in the other episodes.

BareBethC

We're using DS and this show really pissed me the hell off. I did not actually have the pleasure of seeing it, but my mom and brother watched it (my parents and brother know we're using DS) and called and gave me the scoop.

First of all, I cannot believe these people are not in trouble with the cryobank. I'm not 100% sure, but didn't it say he was an anonymous donor? When I purchased my specimens, I had to sign a consent to never attempt to search for or contact the donor, and was told he also signed a similar consent that he would never attempt to contact or locate the families that purchased his specimens.

And how can they call this donor the "father" of these children? As far as I'm concerned, a donor is just that, a donor and does not have a right to have anything to do with the children. Unless of course it is something that the donor and parents agreed on when they originally purchased the specimen. That was an option with some donors at the cryobank we used, but we wanted an anonymous donor. It amazes me that the parents would even contact the donor and allow their children to meet him, how confusing that must be for a young child! I think that is extremely irresponsible of those parents, and making it into a TV show is just that much worse. It's like they are exploiting the donor program.

It also really irked me that his friend was laughing about how he has all these kids. I don't think they understand that people do not use sperm donors for the hell of it, we are desperate to have a child and if anyone laughed about that, I would freak. It is some family's only option, and that is not funny, it's sad that people have to go through that.

Grrrrrrr

BareBethC

Aegis2005:

I did - I'd read about it in boston.com a couple of weeks ago, so I was curious.  He said he knows of 70 children that were the result of his donations, but it may be upwards of 120-140. 

Ben really bothered me, because he didn't seem to think it was irresponsible to donate as much as he did, because it paid for law school.  I guess it's good there's a registry that allows children of donors to find half-siblings, but I'd be terrified that half-siblings would unknowingly fall in love and have genetic issues with future children.

This is probably an ignorant question on my part, so I apologize in advance, but aren't there any limitations on the number of donations a cryobank will allow you to do?  I guess in mind, I always thought there were.  Were there no regulations when he was doing that, or are there still no regulations?

I was glad the show also showcased a couple of half sisters that were meeting for the first time.  This felt more like what I'd expect in the world of sperm donors.

The cryobank we used allows donor sperm from one donor to be purchased by as many as 35 families before they are considered "retired," so if those families have several children by the same donor, I could definitely see how there could be a large number of children, possibly over 100, from the same donor. We purchased enough vials to hopefully have 2 children by the same donor, because we want our children to be 100% biological siblings.

gemini1313

I had to create an account just to respond to this thread because this thread kind of pissed me off. 

 First of all...I'd like to see the Cryobank try and do something to someone for trying to get in touch with their donor or offspring.  It's the cryobank that should be getting in trouble here.  They are so hell bent on anonymity because they don't want people knowing how many children are conceived using a particular sperm donor.  None of them will tell you how many children were conceived or how many vials were sold.  When there are health issues, the cryobanks are very reluctant to pass that health information on or even pull that particular donor.  If a donor wants to reach out and children and parents want to know who their donor is, who cares!!  That's should be their right.  There is nothing forcing contact on either side.  When it's mutual, it's none of anyone elses business.  I don't care WHAT was signed and WHAT you agreed to.  This is a child we are talking about here.  The unfortunate reality of it is, your children are going to want to know who their donor is.  They are going to want to know who gave them 50% of their DNA.  This makes people very uncomfortable.  But this is the truth.  Read some of the studies that have been done.  And prepare yourself for that eventuality. 

 It does seem tacky to make a TV show out of it but consider who created the show.  This was either done by the Donor Sibling Registry people or in collaboration with them.  Unfortunately, our society has turned to reality TV for entertainment.  The DSR has been attempting  for years to get the word out there that this is what's been going on but no one is listening.  This may be entertainment and does seem tacky...but if this is what it takes to educate the greater public, then that's what they have to do.  Otherwise things will continue on the way they are going.  Your outrage might make you ask the right questions when you choose your cryobank.  Might make you demand the truth.  Maybe even make the banks change their ways.  Maybe even make someone rethink the anonymous option knowing that someday, their kids will have questions and want answers. Ultimately, it's not about you and how you feel about it.  It's about how your kids are going to feel about it someday.  You made the decision to choose donor sperm (as did we) but we feel like we've got to give our child the right to choose how much he/she wants to know in the future. 

 The sperm banks promise a lot of things and you might be comfortable relying on what your cryobank has told you what their limits are but know that in actuality, the industry is not regulated...at all.  There are guidelines, but no requirements and they have no one to answer to but you and me (at least here in the US).  And since we're not educated on what actually goes on behind the scenes, we go on our merry way and find out 5 years later that our child has 70 half siblings and are shocked.  A little bit of research yields a lot of information.  This info has been around for years.  There are sibling groups out there much larger than this.  You can be disgusted, but educate yourself.  I think that's the point of the Sperm Donor documentary. 

  Ben from the TV show donated at Fairfax Cryobank who has a 25-30 child limit.  Unfortunately, only about 40% of births are actually reported.   Assuming that Ben donated once a week for three years.  Each donation yields something like 4-7 vials of sperm.  It takes an average of 4-6 tries to get pregnant with IUI.  On the low end, there's probably at least 100 kids out there.  But there could be as many as 275!  Expect that 70 to increase by leaps and bounds as kids get older or reach adulthood.  If they don't stop selling this guys sperm until there are 30 births reported (which is what their self imposed limits are) there are going to be lots of people already pregnant.  Imagine the money they made off this guy...who really got paid peanuts.

 156 donations X 5 vials x $675 a pop = $526,000

 Be disgusted by that.   The show was well done and brought to light a lot of issues in this industry.  Hopefully it educated a few people.  As tacky as it might seem, as long as it gets the word out, I'm all for it.  For anyone who is interested, check out the Donor Sibling Registry:

https://www.donorsiblingregistry.com/

 

gemini1313

And for those of you interested in particular sperm banks, here is info on some of the bigger ones:

https://www.donorsiblingregistry.com/dsr-support-and-info/which-sperm-bank/

mandalinn25

Well let us bow down to the unknown condescending poster. Guess what? We are all smart women here and have done our own research. Just because it might not line up with your views doesn't make it wrong, only different. Coming on here and trying to tell us how uninformed we are is not a good way to start a conversation. Good luck with that.

gemini1313

I'm sorry...  I just found it incredibly frustrating that people are so repulsed by the show.  I thought it was great.  I'm aggravated with the whole industry and wish that there was more regulation and that more people were aware of the issues.   Reality television is an unfortunate medium to have to spread the word but at least people are listening and talking about it.  And the fact that someone thinks the cryobanks should be going after people who are making mutual contact is maddening!