Attachment Parenting
HB Questions from a FTM
Hey ladies! I posted this over at Natural Birth but (I think?) this board is a little more active, and I'm sure a lot of you have experiences with HB. I'm sorry if these questions are stupid or if they get asked all the time, but I'm a jittery FTM.I have always wanted a home birth but when I found out I was pregnant, the disapproval of my family sent me to a doctor right away. But now I'm getting super uncomfortable with my doctor and doing more research about homebirths and I really want to do it. But I have a few questions. First off, we don't own our own home. I rent from two people I work very closely with, and I think they would strongly disapprove. How would I go about obtaining their permission? Have any other renters gone through this?Second (kind of related to the first), how much of a mess does birth actually make in your home. I'm not sold on the idea of a tub, which would leave me giving birth on my bed or standing up--am I doomed to have a ruined mattress or have to pay for expensive carpet cleaning?Thanks in advance for your answers. I look forward to reading them
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Re: HB Questions from a FTM
I've never had a HB, but I really don't think you would need the homeowner's permission. What for?
Also, I have heard that the shower curtain/painting tarp under the bedsheet works great (as long as its as the tarp is as big as the bed, dont leave any parts uncovered), or the tub, since you just drain it. Also, chux pads are wonderful for containing messes. Most midwives are awesome at cleaning up and will give you a list of things you need to have the least messy HB possible.
I agree with PP. I didn't have a HM, but I gave birth in a birthing center with midwives, and was given the homebirth information just the same. The midwives are very good at setting up to contain the mess, and cleaning up afterwards. Also, they will likely give you instructions on how to prepare, should you have a quick labor and begin before they get there. My midwife told me that she would do a brief inspection of the home prior to giving birth to make sure it is clean enough and decide on where things would take place.
There are many other positions in between laying down and standing up -- have you taken a birthing class?
Also, I completely agree with PP that this is not something you need the home owner's permission for. I would just not tell them until after the fact (if at all) if you are worried that they would disapprove.
Hi. I mostly just lurk here because I'm not pregnant, yet. With that said I think the ladies on this board are really helpful. DH and I would like to have a home birth when we get pregnant, so we decided to just start seeing a midwife practice rather than a regular OBGYN. We are in a similar position in that most of our family is rather nervous about our decisions to go with midwifery vs. OBGYN and we also rent.
Here is what we've done: Even though we rent, though we are good friends with our landlords, I still don't think we need their permission for a home birth. They decided to rent to us, we have a contract, we pay our rent in a timely manner. While home birth might not be their choice, there should still be no issue. As for the mess, our midwives (when we met with them for a consultation) were great about explaining everything that would be involved in a home birth, right down to the costs, what we would need to buy, how clean up would go. Any good midwife will have her bases covered in terms of the mess and be able to help you get the supplies you need (or she will bring her own) to take care of it all efficiently.
As for family members and others who are concerned, I've mostly just taken to casually talking about our decision if and when it comes up in conversation to try to get them used to the idea. No one else we know, has ever had a completely natural birth, let alone given birth at home, so home birth is mostly just a new idea to my family members so it makes them a little uneasy. I've also tried to provide them with resources about safe home birth and midwifery to help allay any apprehensions. We also talk about the reasons why we're making this decision, that it's based on our own research about what is best for our family, my body. We find that logic works well with our family, but each person and family is different. I know that others recommend just not talking about it or "defending" it to anyone. Depending on your situation that might be the best option too. Ultimately, as long as you are making an informed decision, I do think that each family needs to do what is best for them.
I hope that this can help you, good luck in your decision and congrats on your pregnancy!
I would say your concerns are pretty manageable. As for your home,... does your lease restrict your use in any way? I doubt it. As for the mess.... tarps, towels, blankets, etc. (along with your midwife) are part of the preparations.
I'd suggest that you do some research (interview your local MWs, lurk on the NB board, etc.) and develop a clear understanding of why you want a HB. If it's because you don't like your doc, I'd rethink that.
(Oh, I planned a HB, but ended up at the hospital after 42.5 weeks.)
I rent at an apartment complex and since they are not liable for what goes on in the unit I don't see why we'd have had to ask their permission. We did warn our neighbors though since the walls are a little thin
As for the mess, it's not THAT bad. My midwife broke my amniotic sac and she kept it contained (and we were doing this over carpet). She just used hospital grade pads underneath and changed them out often. Other than that, unless you pee/poo the messiest part isn't until after baby is out and the placenta and other stuff comes out but they are prepared for that as well.
A lot of the mess containment has to do with positioning- she had me in a squat to better control everything,
I didn't get much approval for HB either and we actually ended up transporting to the hospital because LO was stuck. By the time I actually got there she dropped down and I was pushing as they walked me to L&D. I still had her naturally/drug-free about an hour later. My midwife and I were pretty disappointed about all of that part, but you CAN'T beat the prenatal and postnatal care vs. an OB. They really take good care of you. When my midwife and her attendant went back to our apartment to clean up the pre-birth mess while I was recovering at the hospital they made our bed, started some laundry and straightened up our kitchen
PP posters have covered what I would have said in regards to mess and the landlord questions. I just wanted to mention that I'm planning a VBAC at a freestanding birth center and am therefore required to be in their facility. The birthing room is nicer than my bedroom and there are no signs that babies are born there. I figure they've got it wired in terms of the mess factor. Also while a water birth might not sound appealing you may want to stay open to the idea of laboring in the tub at some point in labor since you won't know what feels right until you are in the moment.
One more thought...if ultimaltely you don't feel comfortbale in your home perhaps there are free standing brithing centers in your area or midwives that deliver in birthing centers attached to hospitals. In my county midwives no longer practice in hospitals but I think it can be a good middle ground option that is available in a lot of areas.
GL with your decision.
You don't need to say anything to your landlords, though I can see why you're thinking about it (avoiding the conversation AFTER the birth).
I had 2 hospital births and a home birth and while I feel my family is complete, I'm sad I'll never have another home birth. It was amazing.
My niece had a home birth and she rents. I don't think she even told the landlord she gave birth at home when she added the LO to the lease . I always wanted to do a HB but I have a condition that if the issue happens the ambulance would not get here (I live out in the country and its all volunteer) soon enough and then the hospital is another 40 min drive so I have to have a hospital birth each time. They have another team of Drs on stand by in case the issue arises.
Good luck.