Natural Birth

HB Questions from a FTM

Hey ladies! 

I'm sorry if these questions are stupid or if they get asked all the time, but I'm a jittery FTM.

I have always wanted a home birth but when I found out I was pregnant, the disapproval of my family sent me to a doctor right away. But now I'm getting super uncomfortable with my doctor and doing more research about homebirths and I really want to do it.  

But I have a few questions. First off, we don't own our own home. I rent from two people I work very closely with, and I think they would strongly disapprove. How would I go about obtaining their permission? Have any other renters gone through this?

Second (kind of related to the first), how much of a mess does birth actually make in your home. I'm not sold on the idea of a tub, which would leave me giving birth on my bed or standing up--am I doomed to have a ruined mattress or have to pay for expensive carpet cleaning?

Thanks in advance for your answers. I look forward to reading them! 

Re: HB Questions from a FTM

  • 1.  I don't think you need to get their permission, but I'm not a lawyer.

    2.  Birth is not that messy.  Get a waterproof cover for your matress, a tarp for floors/carpet and a package of chux pads.  Extra towels are a great idea too.  Nothing got ruined at my home birth.

    HTH! 

    image

    Big sister {September 2008} Sweet boy {April 2011} Fuzzy Bundle {ETA July 2014}

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  • image iris427:

    1.  I don't think you need to get their permission, but I'm not a lawyer.

    2.  Birth is not that messy.  Get a waterproof cover for your matress, a tarp for floors/carpet and a package of chux pads.  Extra towels are a great idea too.  Nothing got ruined at my home birth.

    HTH! 

    this. 

    i doubt there is anything in your lease that would restrict you from birthing at home. 

    we had a large birthing tub and still no mess. 

    go for your homebirth!!!

    [color=purple]Wife ? 9/18/04
    Mommy ? DS - 2006 (C/S) & DD - 2010 (HWBAC)
    Wellness Provider ? Birth Doula - Hypnotherapist - HypnoBirthing - Reiki Master/Teacher[/color]

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  • #2 is easy. No mess. The midwives clean it all up.

    For #1... if you didn't know your landlords, I would just say go for it, they'll never know. But if they are people you work closely with, do you expect them to ask questions like, "What hospital are you delivering at?" Or might you send them pictures of the new baby that make it clear that s/he was born in their home? In other words, do you think they'd probably figure out where you ended up delivering?

    And if they do, what is your relationship with them? When you say that they will "strongly disapprove," would it be a disapproval like "you crazy woman, why would you ever want to give birth at home?" or like "we're going to kick you out of your house and never talk to you again?" They really have no reason to disapprove -- it's your body, your baby, your choice, and it's really not going to impact them (that is, their house) at all. But, if you think they might kick you out or something... that makes it really tough.

    We own, but I do have a friend who was considering homebirth, who was renting her home. She was renting it from two close friends who had recently had a late-term pregnancy loss, and were still trying to get pregnant again. She knew that they'd find out where she'd given birth, and she thought it might be very painful for them to know that she had done what they desperately wanted to do (i.e. have a baby), IN THEIR OWN HOME. She ended up choosing hospital birth, to avoid that situation, and as much as I love homebirth, I can't say I blame her.

    Mommy to DD1 (June 2007), DS (January 2010), DD2 (July 2012), and The Next One (EDD 3/31/2015)

  • image flyer23:

    #2 is easy. No mess. The midwives clean it all up.

    For #1... if you didn't know your landlords, I would just say go for it, they'll never know. But if they are people you work closely with, do you expect them to ask questions like, "What hospital are you delivering at?" Or might you send them pictures of the new baby that make it clear that s/he was born in their home? In other words, do you think they'd probably figure out where you ended up delivering?

    And if they do, what is your relationship with them? When you say that they will "strongly disapprove," would it be a disapproval like "you crazy woman, why would you ever want to give birth at home?" or like "we're going to kick you out of your house and never talk to you again?" They really have no reason to disapprove -- it's your body, your baby, your choice, and it's really not going to impact them (that is, their house) at all. But, if you think they might kick you out or something... that makes it really tough.

    Rough situation for your friend! 

    As for your questions, they will be asking about the entire process. They've already asked about my doctor and hospital choices. We're on very friendly terms. They would definitely want to see the baby (so in essence, YES they probably will know where I gave birth).

    They won't kick me out, but I think they could say "you may not give birth in the house".  I'm considering fibbing--telling them I'm giving birth at a center and then having the baby at home. Dishonest, yes. But I'll get what I want, and I am really excited about the prospect of giving birth at home. (according to my research, there aren't birth centers in the area--I'd have to drive. I don't think my boss would know that though).

     Thoughts?

  • You don't need their permission.  They may not like it, but they can't tell you no.  Do you have to ask permission to have a friend sleep over?  Permission if you want to cook something new?  Permission to get new furniture?  Nope. You're renting the place from them, they aren't your legal guardians. Where you give birth is your decision.  They can tell you no for things that are illegal (even in HB 'illegal' states it is illegal to have a midwife, not to give birth at home), or would damage their property. 

     On that note, no hb is really not messy.  I had a tub and the little mess their was was contained in the pool and on a few chux pads.  As the pp mentioned above, you can cover floors/beds/surfaces with tarps or shower curtains if you're concerned.

    DS1 6/07
    DS2 (born at home) 7/09
    DD1 (born at home) 1/12
  • I don't think you need permission to HB as a renter. (Well, I know none of our renters would. It's not covered in the lease.)

    And really, it's not that messy. The midwife cleaned up almost everything. We did have to do another load of laundry, but that's not hard. Oh, one pillow did get really messy. I did throw that in the laundry too, and as a precaution I bleached it. That's was the hardest part of clean-up. FWIW, I did give birth in bed. We had a mattress protector.
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  • i don't think you are obligated to ask their permission to have a HB.  it's not like anything that you are going to do is going to damage the house.  i wouldn't even give it a second thought. 

    i also would NOT lie/fib to them about how you are birthing, especially if they are close friends of yours.  i'm sure at some point the truth will come out and then it'll be awkward. 

    just do it!!  the mess will not be an issue, i promise. 


    Ryan Keith born 2.19.12 weighing 8lb 15oz. At six weeks 12lb 4oz.

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  • why would you need their permission?

    get a plastic sheet for your bed and have lots of towels around. I don't recall losing fluids all over the place when in labour with my son. The birth itself might be a different story, but when you choose where you want to deliver, put a plastic sheet and some towels around you.

     

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