C-sections

Suggestions?!? Worried about DS feeling neglected after my 2nd section...

I am just wondering what suggestions 2nd + mommies who have had a c-section have for including DS 1 (under 2 years old) when I get home. I am so nervous that he will feel neglected and I won't be able to be there for him. It is honestly breaking my heart, because we are very close. I am worried he won't understand and I will feel helpless. I don't want him to develop resentment for his brother either...Thanks in advance! I am sure it will all work out. I am hoping we will have a lot of help. 
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Re: Suggestions?!? Worried about DS feeling neglected after my 2nd section...

  • In the exact same boat. I don't have any advice, but my boys will be 21 months apart and I'm already sad thinking about my oldest feeling sad/neglected. I am not going to have a lot of help after DH goes back to work, so we'll just have to wing it. 

    As far as recovery goes (I don't know if you had a c-section last time), I was only really off my feet for 2 weeks, and after that I resumed much of my normal activity. I know I was lucky and had a good recovery, but it shouldn't be too long before we're back to playing with our toddlers again! The good news-- babies sleep a lot (or can be worn!), so juggling both kids should be doable. 

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  • I feel for you too, I have been struggling with this exact thought since I got pregnant with #2. I don't have any advice but just wanted to let you know other's feel the exact same way, it makes me cry thinking about....
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  • Thanks ladies! Mine will be 21 months apart as well.
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  • This was my biggest worry as well.  I still beat myself over the mommy guilt and it was completely unnecessary.  After awhile your son will never remember life without his brother.  Just take the time to sit and read a book or snuggle each day.  That's all it will take.

    When people come to visit after the new baby is born, ask them before they come to acknowledge your son before the baby.  I would also get him a bag filled with new crayons, some coloring books, a new stuffed animal ect from the new baby and give it to him in the hospital.  

    Don't make the same mistake I did and  find reasons to make yourself feel guilty....your son will not remember life without his little brother. 

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  • I was concerned about this as well but it went pretty good.  I was able to lift DS#1 onto my lap right away and after a few days I was able to get down on the floor to sit and play with him which was actually more than I was able to do then in the last few weeks of my pregnancy so he was happy.  I didn't have any issues lifting him into his crib or high chair.  What did cause me pain was walking while carrying him so I limited this as much as possible and it felt better by about 2 weeks post surgery.

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  • I"ve been trying to physically prepare him more than emotionally.  Right now, my 18 month old son can easily and safely climb and descend stairs - which is a huge deal, since I won't be able to carry him around.  He has no problem climbing onto our couches, and loves to snuggle that way (he definitely doesn't fit on my lap haha) so that shouldn't change too much after this c-section in three weeks.  When my husband is home, he gets carried around plenty, and they have no problem making up for rough-housing that I can't do right now, and won't be able to do for several weeks while I recover.

    In short,  I am going to try very hard to make sure he doesn't have any really big adjustments due to me being incapable of physically caring for him.  We even started giving him naps in a toddler bed so when we need the crib, hopefully he will have abandoned it before our daughter comes.
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  • the only thing that really seemed to matter to my 21 m/o DS after I brought DD home was that his schedule remain pretty much the same.  He was already used to me not carrying him and picking him up bc of my belly, so that wasn't so different when I got home.  He whined a little when I fed DD so I kept a basket of books near the couch and told him to bring me a book to read while I nursed.  I used a boppy so that he could sit next to me and I would have a hand free to hold the book.  Other than that, he was fine and really didn't care about his sister one Taylor the other at that age.

    DS1 age 7, DD age 5 and DS2 born 4/3/12
  • I wish I had some advice, but I'm feeling the same way as you.  DS will be about 20 months when the baby is born.  I personally had a tough recovery from my first c/s and cannot imagine being by myself with the baby and DS after those 2 weeks that my DH will have off at home with us.  I'm scared just thinking of how much it will hurt me if he gives me a hug and how much it will hurt him if I don't.
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