i need some advice... — The Bump
Military Families

i need some advice...

So my hubby and I have been talking about TTC for quite sometime but we still aren't sure if now is the time. Well at least i'm not sure. We're about to move to Korea and we were thinking of conceiving while we were living there that way he'd get to be there for the pregnancy and the baby's first year. (which is very important to us) But I don't know. What do you guys think? we're both 21 and have been married almost 2 years. you can reply on here or email me at [email protected] 

Thanks so much! :)

-Tiffany 

Re: i need some advice...

  • What are the things that are holding you back from TTC?
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  • If you're not 100% sure about becoming a parent, don't TTC. You're both still incredibly young and haven't been married long. Wait, plan, and save money for the day when you're ready to have a baby.
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  • If you have any hesitation, then wait! You are 21, so it's wise to wait a bit longer, IMO.
    b/w=FSH 15.6, AMH 0.4 surprise natural BFP on 3/12/11
    DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d

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  • I dont think you can ever be fully prepared and ready for a baby. There is never a perfect time I dont think. We can always think of a reason why or why not.

    I would suggest that you ENJOY being overseas and the opportunities it presents you. We just got back from overseas and if I had had a baby over there we NEVER would have been able to do a fraction of the things we did. I have 2 boys that are now 7 and 4 but when we got there they were 3 and 13 months. We still traveled ALOT but with a newborn I'm not sure how we would have done it.

    Now that I"m done rambling, I think you are a bit young still and that you guys should take advantage of the overseas life and culture for a while. It's a once in a lifetime chance.

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  • image F15Wife:

    I dont think you can ever be fully prepared and ready for a baby. There is never a perfect time I dont think. We can always think of a reason why or why not.

    I would suggest that you ENJOY being overseas and the opportunities it presents you. We just got back from overseas and if I had had a baby over there we NEVER would have been able to do a fraction of the things we did. I have 2 boys that are now 7 and 4 but when we got there they were 3 and 13 months. We still traveled ALOT but with a newborn I'm not sure how we would have done it.

    Now that I"m done rambling, I think you are a bit young still and that you guys should take advantage of the overseas life and culture for a while. It's a once in a lifetime chance.

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  • I agree with the previous post that I tried to quote. You should take time and enjoy being overseas together at first before you bring a LO into the picture...GL on the move!

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  • DH and I just got back from Korea. We had our LO over there. I wish we could have done more over in Korea, but between pregnancy and then having a LO, we didn't have much time. You should also take into consideration where in Korea you will be. Many posts don't have emergency medical or inpatient hospitals, so you will either have to travel to another post before delivery or give birth in a Korean hospital. Feel free to PM with any questions you have (just please, page me on this board so I know to check my PM!)

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  • As others have suggested, waiting is, IMO, better. Enjoy living OCONUS, travel, experience as much as you can as a couple. If it is a two year assignment, perhaps, if you both feel ready, TTC towards the end of your time there might be something to consider.

    Your comment about you and your DH feeling that him being home for for the first year. . . Is your DH planning on making the military his career? If not, I'd wait until he is out to start a family. Perhaps I'm feeling defensive because my DH was gone for half of my pregnancy and our LO's first nine months, but if his prescence is *that* important to you both, military life is going to make things difficult. Even if he is not deployed, he could be sent TDY or have to go to school or training. Service members can be away from home often.

    FWIW, it was hard for me and DH to be a part when we were (pregnancy, delivery and the early months), but we dealt with it. Our two year old doesn't know that his daddy wasn't always home (we will tell him, obviously, when he's older). Scroll down through the threads on this page. There are a couple about helping young children through a deployment. I am thankful that my LO was too little to know his daddy was deployed. These are things to consider when making decisions about starting your family.

    One last off-topic concern--you might want to read up on OPSEC and PERSEC. Having your name (maiden or married) and your email addy posted on a public message board is not the particularly safe. The Bump (and The Nest) don't typically change usernames for people. The best bet would be to create a new account, with a screen name that is less obvious. Being a member of an on line forum is great, but it is wise to not give out too much personal info.
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  • I was where you were at when I was 21. We debated TTC while we were overseas and waited until I was 26. In those 5 years we traveled the world, made our marriage stronger, I learned to deal with military life, and completed my BS/MS degrees. When we had our DD I felt like we were at a time where I never looked back wondering if I only had more time with DH, etc. There is never going to be that perfect time, but now that we have been married 8 years it really makes me happy we waited.
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