Need Advice NBR

Lelo3

To make a very long story short my BF has been in an abusive scary marriage for the past 2 years several 911 calls, Dr visits ect. They also have  a 3 year old son who is stuck in the middle of this and is seriously messed up by it all. I have begged her, helped her,  and ever set her up with attorney's,and counselling to get the ball moving in the right direction several times but each ending with her going back being scared with the fear of what he will do or with him calling and threatening me and my family. It got to the point me talking to her caused more problems for her at home and I didn't want to put my family in harms way so I distanced myself and talked to her parents instead, whom the husband has also tried to cut off contact with. Well I get a call yesterday from her mom and my friend has finally got all of her ducks in order and is serving him with papers and a restraining order today (Thank God) but they want me to go to the hearing and testify to the bruising and mental damage he has done to her and the scary person I know him to be. This hearing is today so it's super short notice, they have pictures of all of her bruising and her dad is there as a witness as well. This hearing is just to have the judge place the restraining order in place and hear her side, he will have to answer to the judge as well on a different date after being served. My DH says in no way should I go he understands the want to be there for my friend but she has enough evidence its not necessary for me to go and to potential put our family baby ect in harms way of him. I completely agree with him but how do I not think I'm being a horrible friend? What would you guys do the hearing is in 2 hours and take note this man is capable of anything I'm actually nervous restraining order or not what he will do to her once those papers are served. Thanks for your advice I'm sure I already know the answer but I just feel like a really bad friend and that I'm not being there for her when this is what I've been pushing for so long. 

ImThisBabysMom

That is honestly a tough call. Do you think that he could turn into a lifetime movie and go all crazy and try to get revenge? If you're afraid, I'd say you have to think of your family first. Especially if she has enough evidence already. But again, really hard thing to take a stance on...I feel on the fence so I'm sure you do too.

But I'd say, protect your family first.

Lelo3

ImThisBabysMom:

That is honestly a tough call. Do you think that he could turn into a lifetime movie and go all crazy and try to get revenge? If you're afraid, I'd say you have to think of your family first. Especially if she has enough evidence already. But again, really hard thing to take a stance on...I feel on the fence so I'm sure you do too.

But I'd say, protect your family first.

He already is a lifetime movie and the scary thing is he can go from calm to crazy back to eerily calm in no time flat. He's threatened to kill her and harm my family and ruin my life my DH would probably end up in jail if he stepped foot on our property again but?  I know I need to put my family first but like you said I'm on the fence its so hard bc I can only imagine if it were me and wanting support to be there but??? And she would never be mad if I couldn't go she understands completely we've talked about it but doesn't help my own head and heart feel right about it all. 

ImThisBabysMom

My gut says to tell you to avoid it. If he is already threatening you and yours, I think you need to step back. You can still support her, but just not be a witness. And if you've already talked about it and she understands, then maybe it won't be so hard to not go.

Plus you said she has enough other evidence without you. Only you can decide what's right for you, I'm just giving you my opinion and that's all it is.

Tambcat

Is there some reason she needs more people to testify? Like, do you need two witnesses to get a restraining order in your state or something? I might go if it were the only way she could get what she needs. Otherwise, I wouldn't.

DiamondDani

It's just in front of the judge, right? Her husband won't be there? So in that case I would go. He won't know for sure who was there/wasn't there. (and would probably assume you were to blame for it anyway.)

Christina_Diane

Can you testify, but ask for protection or not have your name released? It is a tough call. I hope the best for your friend.

krystalxyz

I am so sorry, what a horrible place to be in. I would be there for my best friend, but if this guy is seriously crazy enough to harm you, your unborn baby, or your family, you've gotta take care of that first. Whatever your choice, good luck, and I hope everything works out and everyone is safe.

Lelo3

Tambcat:

Is there some reason she needs more people to testify? Like, do you need two witnesses to get a restraining order in your state or something? I might go if it were the only way she could get what she needs. Otherwise, I wouldn't.

I don't believe there are any stipulations on number of witnesses it would just strengthen her case because when he goes in he will just lie but she has pictures, her dad is there and a statement that the attorney has on record stating that a professional has witnessed his threatening behavior ...

Lelo3

DiamondDani:

It's just in front of the judge, right? Her husband won't be there? So in that case I would go. He won't know for sure who was there/wasn't there. (and would probably assume you were to blame for it anyway.)

Right he won't be there and I'm not 100% sure if it is public record whom testified against you or not? I just know how my husband feels on the subject and I don't want to go against his wishes either although I don't want to let her down either just not a great feeling 

MarxieVonTrapp

I would go.  You've tried to get this woman to do this for years and in her time of legal need, she is asking for you.  Her husband has already threatened you, so it's not like it will make things worse if you testify (it's already as bad as it can be).  Go, but also file a restraining order.

How amazing your friend is to be able to stand up and say no more!  You must be so proud of her for doing what so many women could not do. 

Lelo3

MarxieVonTrapp:

I would go.  You've tried to get this woman to do this for years and in her time of legal need, she is asking for you.  Her husband has already threatened you, so it's not like it will make things worse if you testify (it's already as bad as it can be).  Go, but also file a restraining order.

How amazing your friend is to be able to stand up and say no more!  You must be so proud of her for doing what so many women could not do. 

Beyond proud of her it has taken a long time to get here but enough is enough and she is just so broken I hate not seeing a spark when I look in her eye she needs this it will be a long road but worth it in the end. 

kistjenn@yahoo.com

What if you submitted a written statement that was notorized.  That way you won't be there directly, but your friend knows you are supporting her.  I do realize time is of the essence.....just a thought.

Lelo3

kistjenn@yahoo.com:

What if you submitted a written statement that was notorized.  That way you won't be there directly, but your friend knows you are supporting her.  I do realize time is of the essence.....just a thought.

I will do this when they actually go to court over the divorce and the kiddo but this is just for his restraining order and I think with out a sworn statement before they won't take it bc her mom tried since she can't be there today either and they just sent her dad down instead. But great idea and it is what I will do for the rest of the steps she will have to take.  I guess I better get out of here and drive down to the court house and either get out of the car or not ... she said if I don't she'll just meet me outside after so thank you ladies for all of your help it's much appreciated!!!

kistjenn@yahoo.com

Good luck, keep us posted